Work, Work, Work

One of the sources of amusement for me in my occupation is the responsibility I have over conducting interviews and the hiring process. I review resumes, screen people over the phone as well as in person. I'm semi-regularly tickled by what people feel is good to put on their resumes. For example the lady that espoused her in depth knowledge of the products that they sold at the store that she managed. The store happened to be an adult novelty store. The line of questioning running through my head at that point led me to have better judgement than to call, because even if I could walk the straight and narrow I know that it would have blown up during departmental interviews.

I recently have had two separate resumes from ladies claiming to have worked as models. One of which made mention that she was going to be featured in a soon to be released video and movie. Well that would peak anybodies curiosity. So I checked the .com website she had listed as her employer and low and behold it's a website for transsexual models. It was very graphic and extraordinarily frightening. After filling out the information for a free 30 day subscription, I decided this was not an interview that I was going to pursue.

The second model that I recently received was one of a much more mundane level. She apparently works as a Coors Light spokes model, which as she explains means that she goes to promotional events and "spokes to customers". Other job responsibilities include "taking pictures with customers" and "analyzing accounts". Besides the grammatical errors and typos I couldn't find any reason not to interview this one. Sure she doesn't have the law degree that we usually like our legal counsel to possess, but she makes up for it in chutzpah. Anyway the interview will be later this week.

This is a projection of what I expect our legal department to soon look like.

For Those in the Know

Here's Some Stuff You Don't Know

For those who don't know (which is most everybody) my wife had surgery on Tuesday and returned from the hospital on Wednesday. She'll be at home until next Friday when she has a return visit to the doctor. Without going into detail, because the wife wouldn't want me to, the surgery was neither life threatening nor cosmetic. So you can sleep comfortably knowing that she wasn't in any danger and she will still be recognizable. Please don't be offended that you didn't know. She didn't want a lot of people knowing and in fact kept a lot of the details quiet from everyone including me. I'm sure she'd like a card or flowers, might like a call, but probably would prefer not to have any visits as she still has some tubes and things going on for the next week. Also, if you do speak with her please don't let her know that you were informed by blog. Please say that I informed you by e-mail. I would have let everyone know earlier, but she is sensitive about these things and I've been swamped trying to take care of the kids and with assisting her. She doesn't like that I have to help her right now, but it shouldn't be much longer as she's feeling better everyday.

On a side note, our girls had their first game last night after a long 2+ week lay off. We were short handed missing two of our main defenders and had a couple of girls playing sick. Still we won and pulled our record even again at 3-3. We were in control enough that I called the dogs off in the last quarter of play and told our best player to hold off. She was pretty much scoring at will last night. My daughter played well and made some good passes that led to scores. Her soccer IQ is definately growing as she also made some passes that were good passes, but didn't go as planned, because the other girls didn't understand that they were supposed to make runs to certain areas of the field. She's picked up a couple of other ticks with her game that we need to work out so that she can get back to scoring again. Our throw-ins are now a strength of our team and corner kicks are getting better.

What's Dagromm Reading?

Right now, I'm working on A Case of Need by Jeffrey Hudson. Jeff Hudson is the pen name that Michael Crichton used to write under before he knew that he could become rich writing about dinosaurs and talking apes. It was written in 1968 and is filled with all sorts of scientific terms and data. In fact it's got even more than your average Crichton book because he hadn't yet found that balance between what is interesting to the reader and what bogs the book down.

A Case of Need has to be one of the top ten abortion mystery novels that I've ever read. Multifaceted and fascinating in it's background of hospitals, medical procedures, the Boston legal and social environment at the time. My criticism would mainly revolve around the number of characters that are used in the book. I haven't kept count, but whenever a name comes up I'm damned if I can remember who they are, or why I should know the name. Normally, after a few paragraphs I can recall why the main character is talking to them but it's an overly frustrating process.

This isn't a "must read", but if you like to see how Crichton has evolved as a writer or just enjoy books about abortion then I would say to pick this one up. I got it for $1.50 on clearance at half price books!

Movie Review

Hello Bloggers!!!! Welcome back to the world's most trusted movie review site. Today I will be reviewing the highly anticipated Rocky Balboa. This is the latest in the fantasy world of Rocky where in any sub par white boxer from Philly is bad ass enough to conquer the world of sports. This movie continues the tradition of showing us exactly what a pit Philadelphia is and how beneficial steroids can be for the human body. It also continues the trend of less and les impressive looking fighters that Rocky has gone up against. The list in order follows:

Apollo Creed

Just feast your eyes on this spectacle. Bad ass.

Clubber Lang

Four words for you, "I pity da fool"

Ivan Drago

Sorry for the grainy quality of the picture, but it was Communist Russia

and this is all that was released to the free world.

Tommy Gunn

Is this a joke?

Mason Dixon

Look at this guy!! Who'd want to fight this guy? He's too nice!

It's amazing that as they tried to incorporate real world boxing more and more into the movies they became less and less impressive. The names of the boxers also got worse and yet the technique of the boxers stayed terrible. The movie is still a sentimental watch so I have to give this movie an A-.

Soccer over the past few days

The Dallas Cup and being sick has taken up quite a bit of my time over the past few days. The tournament ended last night with Chelsea facing Sao Paulo. After watching the first round games I think these are the two that I would have guessed would make it to the final. Chelsea had a very talented team with a strong defense that made very few mistakes during the entire tournament. Sau Paulo was what most expected from a top Brazilian squad, creative, exciting, and tan. In the end Sau Paulo could not be denied and won last night's final 1-0 in the closing minutes of the game.

I'd like to thank Q for coming out to the games with me and my daughter, and for buying me that kick ass Mexican national team soccer T-shirt. I'd also like to reprimand Q for arguing with my 7 year old daughter for twenty plus minutes about whether Chester Cheetah is real and whether that was indeed him walking on the field at half time. Finally, I'd like to apologize to Q for straddling the chair next to him and doing pelvic thrusts in the direction of his head when the Irish scored their lone goal against the Brazilians. I see that was wrong now, and probably not a good example for the children sitting around us.

Been There, Done That

I had to stop be the pharmacy to pick up some meds for the family yesterday evening. I needed some heavy flu medicine and the girls in the house had some prescriptions to pick up as well. Any time you go to the CVS after 9 PM you run into a different crowd than the little old peolpe that shop during the daylight hours. While waiting around for the technician to figure out the different insurance plans involved, I noticed two teenage homies checking out the condom section.

Buying condoms has never been a stress free purchase for me. It's always the same feeling that everyone around has just gotten a very intimate look into my private life. That being said, I also never felt the need to have someone come with me for support. The guys (about 17/18) were looking over all of the different brands and mulling their options. I tried not to look as though I was watching them as they made this valuable life decision. They were there several minutes and made several nervous looks to see if anybody they knew had suddenly arrived. I finally decided that these boys could use some of my years of accumulated wisdom. When I turned to impart them with my advice I found that they had disappeared.

Oh well, hopefully they made a good decision. I stood waiting a few more minutes before I finally got my issue resolved. The insurance compay wasn't going to pay for it. I was going to need to call and complain tomorrow. As I walked towards the front, I saw the expeditious young men from earlier in the check out line. They were standing still nervously bag in hand waiting for the cashier to release them from their misery and hand over the change. The cashier was clearly enjoying this too. I looked at the bag they were holding and saw that besides the condoms they had also purchased some Certs and a couple of bags of Chex Mix. "Looks like you guys have a big evening planned," I announced.

They just hurried out of the store as if the security cameras had laser beams attached to them.

A Brazillion Reasons I Didn't Blog Yesterday

I took the day off of work yesterday. Sorry Bloggers!

This time when I "took the day off", I mean that I actually let the office in general know that I wouldn't be working or physically present. Not like the previous weeks where I try frantically to impress how busy I am on others in the office so that they will leave me alone to disappear for interviews, soccer games, long lunches with my homies at prestigious restaurants, or blog posts.

No, yesterday I was quite clear in my intention to use some valuable PTO and take care of other things. Dr's appointments, exterminator visits, soccer games were on the docket. The soccer game I went to in the evening was surely the highlight. It was me, Q, and my daughter at the stadium in Frisco to watch the U-19 Sau Paulo Futebol Clube (Brazil) vs. Shamrock Rovers (Ireland). It was a good game even though it wasn't very competitive. The Brazilians never looked like they were taking the game too seriously and even taking it easy were able to score a 6-1 victory. It became apparent that after they put up four goals they were being merciful as they could've doubled their score quite easily. Q and I joked about how the coach had told them to allow the Irish four passes every time they got the ball before they took it away from them, and how they were probably saying all sorts of encouraging things to the teeny tiny Irish players. Seriously there were a couple that looked like leprechauns. We surmised that the captain of the Irish team was the one who could drink the most beer as the players looked somewhat lit on the field.

I also got to speak to a fellow blogger via Q's cell phone that I had never spoken to before. It was pointed out that I sound differently then they had imagined. I don't know why. Maybe my punctuation and grammatical oddities aren't as noticeable on the phone. What did they imagine I was going to sound like? Do other people imagine what I sound like? What do they imagine me saying? Is it kinky?

It occured to me afterwards that I had heard their voice before on blog radio, so I wasn't caught off guard by their voice. Of course it might also have to do with the fact that a large part of my job involves calling people and talking to them.

Anyway.....Dallas Cup Semifinals on Friday:

Chelsea F.C. (England) vs Southampton F.C. (England)

Real Madrid C.F. (Spain) vs Sau Paulo F.C. (Brazil)

I can't wait.

Thanks to Gyuss for letting me know how much my blog value is. Unfortunately for me it is the most valuable thing I own.

My blog is worth $5,080.86.
How much is your blog worth?

A Strong Day for the Euro

My daughter and I went out yesterday with Q to watch the Opening day of Dallas Cup action. We got there shortly before noon and left a little after 9:00 that evening. For those that don't know, the Dallas Cup is a youth invitational soccer tournament that brings in some top teams from around the world. I like to watch the U-19 teams from the Super Group division as many of these players are a hair away from being on the professional squads of their individual clubs. In addition, I think that the tickets are very reasonable and in fact many of the games are free to watch. Yesterday, we started off the day watching Southampton (England) handle Deportivo Saprissa (Costa Rica) 3-1. The Southampton squad had a couple impressive players in the midfield and backline that I am interested in watching as they continue in the tournament. The next game we watched was Sao Paulo (Brazil) against Tigres (Mexico). The Tigres got a good start in this one and took an early 1-0 lead in the first half. I remember commenting to Q that Sao Paulo didn't look overly concerned or really even that interested in the entire first half and first part of the second half. They had some shots, but did not overwhelm by any means. Around midway through the second half Sao Paulo turned it on. They tied up the game and then
scored the go ahead goal with a few minutes remaning. This game had the largest crowd for any game I've seen there that wasn't in the Professional Stadium.
After that we moved into the Stadium and watched the end of Real Madrid (Spain) against Solar F.C. (local team). Real clearly outclassed their opponent and won the game 4-0, with a lot of their starters taking it easy by the end of the game.
Lastly, after suffering through the opening ceremonies we watched Chelsea (England) play Chivas (Mexico). Q was accosted before the game by a group of Chelsea supporters who took issue with his t-shirt marking him as a supporter of the Mexican teams. The Chelsea fan group though was woefully outmatched by their Chivas counterparts, both in number and sheer manic fanaticism. The Chivas supporters beat drums, sang songs, danced, threw confetti, unfurled MAMMOTH flags and banners, and set off smoke flares the entire game. It was impressive. Unforunately for them, Chelsea won the game 2-1. It was a tightly contested match and truthfully probably should have been a tie as Chelsea had a hand ball in their own box in the closing minutes that the referree didn't acknowledge.
It's funny that in a country that doesn't really support soccer that these teams still have groupies show up. All in all, it was a good day. The weather was great and I got lots of sun. In fact I think my skin is all dead now. Thanks CFC's.

Running Late

Dang it, I left late for work today. I was going through my normal routine, which doesn't always involve me being late when I got enraptured watching CNN Headline News. Robin Meade was looking especially saucy this morning. She was talking to the sports tool and he was almost enough to make me tune out, when they brought in a hot college girl to talk about a college class that she was taking that involved going to the Final Four.

I was hooked again. I didn't catch a lot of what they were saying, but the professor was a genius to create a class so that he could go to one of the biggest sporting events in the country and take coeds with him. As the story came to a close I was about to hit the power button, when Robin began a story about the new "Girls Gone Wild" Restaurants that are going to be opened. What??? Double take. Additional video footage meant that I was once again transfixed to the television. I was always told in school that current events were important.

The story wrapped up and Robin introduced their Entertainment correspondent Adrianna Costa. Damn it, I was never getting out of there. Adrianna is one of my top three Entertainment Reporters of all time. She had some important news about movies opening this weekend or something, I don't know I heard her but not a lot of it registered at this point.
Mercifully, Robin threw it to a commercial break and I ran for the door. Several fishtailing-on-wet-streets minutes later I snuck in the back door (sighs, thinking about the obligatory "back door" jokes) and silently like the wind made my way to my office.

Family Projects/Put Your Child To Work Day

Last weekend was actually pretty productive. I told the kids that we were going to do some projects as a family. Kids love projects. They're fun and cool and special, not anything like work which is boring and sucks. No, these were "family projects" which meant we were going to embark on some things together. Kids also love family time. I don't know why. I guess it looks really good in movies or something. Walls got patched and painted, weed and feed was put in the yard, my daughters dresser was sanded and repainted. It was great. I was finally getting some return on my investment in the kids.

I don't know why it took me so long to figure this out. From now on I'm seeing a whole new world. One where they clean the bathroom tile, fold and put up clothes, and do the dishes. My mind is practically filling up with all the great "family projects" we can do. The kids can wash the dog, clean the gutters, put up a new fence in the back yard, rotate my tires......

Office Ettiquete

I brought a salad and some chicken for lunch today. It's part of my plan to have million dollar abs by the summer. Actually, right now it's my entire plan. I'm eating hamburgers tonight.

So at 12:30, after having felt like I was starving for the previous hour, I finally went to the break room to recover my food from the community fridge. I threw my chicken in the microwave to reheat and stood nearby to wait. It suddenly occurred to me that I hadn't brought any dressing for my salad and was about to have a very bland meal. I went back to the community fridge expecting that there would be a host of dressings to choose from.

No such luck. The fridge had it's semi annual cleaning recently and there was only one bottle of dressing. It was some sort of natural poppy seed stuff that I had never seen before. I put a little on my salad, grabbed my chicken, and left. As I sat down to eat it occurred to me that whoever's dressing that was might not have appreciated my use of it. They hadn't put their name on it, so I couldn't ask. My mind was racing-Would they notice?-Will they be mad?-Did somebody see me, and will they turn me in?-Oh crap! Wait a second I told myself. You can't steal condiments. Condiments are free.

A Dark Omen on the Highway

I was headed home from work last week when it happened. The skies had been cloudy all day, but it wasn't until I left the shelter of the office that the rain began to fall. Almost immediately there were flashes of lightening, and they were nearby. I started my drive home a little wet, and bemused that the weather had decided to wait until now to unleash hell. Hazy gray clouds, a torrent of rain, and bolts of lightening arching across the sky, all on a day when I was looking forward to coaching soccer practice. "Oh well", I thought "Those plans are shot".

At least the traffic wasn't bad. Considering the weather, I was making good time. Usually rain like that would have slowed things down. Then as I entered I-35 northbound, I saw it. A black semi with no trailer attached was bearing down on me. It was dusty and worn looking. The grill was battered and plain. As I accelerated to match the highway speed the truck surged past me. The windows were dark and I couldn't see the driver. It looked like one of those scenes that you see in a late night TV movie where the death trucker runs people off the road in his pursuit to kill some hapless target. As the truck moved forward I saw writing on the back of the cab. In 8 inch hellfire red letters was written that this truck was "40 Tons of Thunder". The maximum weight for 18 wheelers in the US is normally 36.2 tons. That means this trucker would always carry at least 3.8 tons of evil. I tried to take a picture with my cell phone and then I exited the highway as quickly as I could. I didn't want to incur this demon truckers wrath. Almost as soon as I got off the highway the rain stopped and the clouds cleared away. By the time I got home it was beautiful outside. I have since checked my cell phone for the picture of the truck with the writing, but it was all a blur. Apparently the supernatural powers of hell would not allow me to capture an image of their dark messenger.

Underrated Movies/Guilty Pleasures

Here's a quick list of top five movies that I enjoy and get a chuckle from, that don't normally get the recognition that I think they deserve.

5. Dickie Roberts Former Child Star - Before there was Little Miss Sunshine this movie had the shock value comedy of the child dancing in a much to mature fashion. Truthfully any movie that you enjoy involving David Spade has to be labeled a guilty pleasure.

4. She's the Man - I think Amanda Bynes is funny. There I said it. True this movie isn't Shakespeare or anything, but I thought it...what's that??.......Oh, this movie is Shakespeare! That's what I meant to say. Can't go wrong with Shakespeare.

3. Joe Dirt - Before there was My Name is Earl this movie had the shock value comedy that is white trash Americana. Truthfully any movie that you enjoy involving David Spade has to be labeled a guilty pleasure.

2. Josie and the Pussycats - Rachel Leigh Cook, Tara Reid, Rosario Dawson, Parker Posey, and Missi Pyle. Sold!!!! The DVD even comes with the music video from Du Jour, the boy band of the movie, entitled Back Door Lover. I thought this movie had some great lines and of course let us know that "brown is the new pink" and that Mr. Moviefone also delivers subliminal messages.

1. The Big Hit - One of the first movies I bought for my movie collection. We learn that even murderous hitmen just want to make people happy, and that the discerning masturbater will demand lanolin not that aloe-vera bullshit!

Narrowly missing the list was Bring it On. I enjoy this movie quite a bit, but it has gained too much popularity since hitting video to still be considered a guilty pleasure. I can attest to being one of the proud few who saw fit to see this movie while it was new in theaters. I've seen it about two dozen times since then.

Them's the Breaks

Well, it's official. I took my 11-year old son to the Orthopedic Specialist yesterday to have his arm examined from his injury more than a week ago and he confirmed that my son broke his wrist. He's now sporting a half cast covering most his forearm, wrist, and hand.

When they asked him how he had hurt it I felt the need to interject and said that he had fallen while playing outside with his friends and landed on the sidewalk. This was a true enough version of events. The more complete version of events included him having a dance off competition outside of his buddy's house after school. I'm not sure what maneuver concludes with you breaking your wrist, but truthfully I was never much of a hip hop street dancer. So in my haste to save my son from having to hear, "Oooooh, You got served" I might have answered too quickly. The doctor's assistant kept giving me suspicious looks afterwards. I'll probably get a visit from Child Protective Services some time this week as a result. Why couldn't my son have been playing football like a normal kid?

Note: This is not an actual photo of the event that transpired.

Lady Girls' Soccer Update

We enter Spring Break after having pulled our season even at 2-2. In our game this past weekend we came from behind to win 5-4. It was good to see the girls not give up and to maintain their focus. In the past when the other team has scored first they've been quick to get frustrated and give up. This was one that could have gone bad quickly too. Although we maintained control the majority of the first half we couldn't hardly get anything to go in. While the other team who barely had any opportunities was finding the back of the net. Finally we started our come back from being down 4-1. My daughter asked to go back in the last quarter and play defense. Against my better judgement I put her back there and she really stood up to the challenge. She didn't allow anyone to get past her and threw herself in the way of the ball (when most would have gotten out of the way) to prevent any shots from going in.

As a follow up I went out to the local park and joined in the pick up soccer game with the vatos. This was my first time to make it out there in a few weeks and there was a large group of guys I didn't recognize. It was a lot rougher than it normally is and was the first time I thought a fight might just break out. I've got a number of bruises on my shins and I took a kick to the jaw, which was not entirely the other guys fault. I got to wear my new Chelsea soccer jersey, which I looked most awesome in. Also my new soccer ball, which I bought with birthday money, was a big hit. Here's a pic.

The Kids Next Door

The teen age kid next door is having a party tonight. The entire street up and down my block is littered with cars that have extra big tail pipes and shit hanging from the rear view mirrors. Personally I was surprised, because the kid next door looks like a geek to me. My only guess is that he and his best friend created some sort of woman with supernatural powers by using their computer and a barbie doll. Then maybe she forced them to have a party to try and make them cool. I don't know, but that's what makes sense to me.

I used to have HBO, so I know what goes on at these kinds of parties when the parents are away (they've got to be , right?). My buddy Big Dirty felt like it was our civic duty to check in on them and make sure they weren't getting into any trouble. So we went in their backyard where we could hear a lot of activity. They got kind of quiet when we entered the gate and below is what transpired.

Party Kid - Are you here to pick somebody up? We can go get them for you.

Me - No we're not anybodies parents. We just came by...

Big Dirty - ..to party!!!!

(Stunned silence)

Me - Umm, actually I live next door.

Party Kid - Oh, do you need us to turn the music down?

Big Dirty - No, it's cool. I've got some Creed CD's if you really want to get this party going. Hey, is that your girlfriend? (directed too loudly to the girl sitting just inside the gate)

Party Kid - (Caught off guard) Who? No, she's just....we're just friends.

Big Dirty - I know what you mean. No attachments. Keep it simple. This is my kind of party.

Party Kid - (Looks at the girl wide eyed, then back at us, then back to the girl)

Big Dirty - So, we were kind of watching the party from between the boards of my friend here's fence and it looks like there's some pretty fine girls here. Are any of them like really drunk or stoned or anything?

Party Kid - (Looking really nervous) I don't think so.

Me - (Quickly trying to recover) Because we don't want anybody taking the road that isn't fit to drive. If somebody needs a ride home then just let us know.

Big Dirty - (to me as if the teenagers can't hear him) I like where you're going with that.

Party Kid - Ok, we'll let you know if we need help.

Big Dirty - Maybe we should check everyone out just in case. That chick in the boots looks like she might be pretty messed up. I'll definitely take her home. Are there any you want Dagromm?

Dagromm - Well...what?

Party Kid - Everybody's ok, really. We'll come get you if we need your help though. Thanks for coming by.

Big Dirty - Oh...well alright. We'll be just watching on the other side of the fence.

Big Dirty and I have been hanging back at my house for over an hour since then. He's just concluded that they probably aren't going to come get us to give anyone a ride home. He's on the phone with the cops now complaining about the noise and how sure he is that they have drugs. He says he dropped a present just inside their fence just in case.

This is Why I Love America

http://www.wheredagoldat.com/alabama-leprechaun-video.htm

If you've never seen this news report and live in the South then you better check it out. You don't want to miss out on the riches that are out there to be had.

Scattershooting While Listening to My MP3 Player

I think if you were to try and encapsulate the average American's life in song it can be done by looking at the three most played songs on their Ipod. In this knowledge we would find keys to their personality and traits that made them unique as individuals. I also think that this would be a truer indicator than allowing somebody to pick what songs represented them, because I don't believe everyone would be honest with themselves. With that in mind these are the three most played songs in my MP3 player.

1. In 1984 the singer Sade cowrote and sang Smooth Operator. In her inherently sultry voice she croons the song that is equal parts sexy and political.

2. Smooth Criminal was originally relased in 1987 by Michael Jackson on the album Bad. The song inspired him to make the movie Moonwalker and subsequent video game.

3. Carlos Santana had a huge resurgence in 1999 with the release of his album Supernatural. On it, he collaborated with many artists for the differing tracks all with his unique sound. The biggest hit of the album was Smooth, his collaboration with Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20.

So that's my list. I'm not sure what it says about me, but it's probably pretty accurate.

Name Game

I was reminded of the Kanye West song "All Falls Down" yesterday. My assistant was cracking up while inputting some new employees benefit information into the computer system. She had come across an employee that was adding her two kids to her medical insurance. Their names were Porsche and Lexus. What made matters worse was the fact that Porsche was her son.

If I were going to name my kids after cars then I would have named my daughter Shelby and my son Bentley. Consequently, if I had named them after televisions then I would have named them Trinitron and Samsung HP -R6372.

Trading Post

I recently had some trade-in credit at Walmart. It's my default place for returning things that I have no idea where I bought and have finally realized that I'll never use. The bad part is that I get incredibly indecisive in situations like this. My goal was to return the object, with that accomplished I flounder with what to do next. There are too many choices and I don't know how best to spend my windfall. So I cruised down the aisles eyeing the gallon jug of Drakkar Noir, the leopard print steering wheel cover, and the value bin of Mexican movies (2 for $10!). Not seeing anything that caught my fancy I decided to check out the video games. I wanted to find something that was under my trade-in amount though and this proved difficult. I searched through several high priced games before I found one that fell into my budget and looked at least mildly entertaining. It was discounted and I knew it wasn't going to be that good, but it looked like it had a gratuitous amount of skimpily dressed animated girls and I was sold. I went searching for the employee that was supposed to be assigned to this section to ask him to pull the game for me so that I could look at the case.

I found the guy and waved him over. When I pointed out the game I wanted to see he got it out and the following conversation took place,

Walmart Guy - Are you sure you don't want to get a good game?

Me - I don't expect this to be great, but that's ok.

Walmart Guy - If you're going to get a fighting game I'd get DOA 4. It's much better.

Me - I'm sure it is, but this one's $20. DOA 4 is $60. So, I'll probably just get this one.

Walmart Guy - Or you could get Lost Planet or the new Medal of Honor game. They're much better then that one.

Me - Are any of those games $20?

Walmart Guy - No.

Me - Then I'm not interested.

Walmart Guy - If you're going to have a 360 then you at least need to get the good games for it.

Me - Not if they're $60. I'll just rent them.

Walmart Guy - Are you sure you want to buy that game? It's not good.

Me - Have you ever played it?

Walmart Guy - No.

Me - Do you know anybody that's played it?

Walmart Guy - No. I've worked here six months and never even sold one copy of that game.

Me - That would explain the discount.

Walmart Guy - What about Halo 3? You're not going to wait on that are you? I've already reserved my copy of the collectors edition that comes in the metal tin and has a special DVD. It's going to run about $150.

Me - I'm not really interested.

Walmart Guy - Halo 3!!!!????

Mom with kid - Can we see one of these X-Box games?

Walmart Guy - X-Box or 360?

Mom with kid - X-Box.

Walmart Guy - You know they don't even make those anymore. You need to get trade it in and get a 360.

He tried to dismiss the lady and her kid when he saw that I was leaving so that he could go back to berating me about my incomprehensible taste in games, but I ran for it.

Camping Just Got a Lot More Complicated

My son is finally leaving today on his school camping trip. It's a soon to be ending tradition in our school district that all of the fifth graders go for a week to this camp out of state. My son has been looking forward to this trip for a year now as he's never been to camp before. He had his eye on canoeing and archery and whatever other kind of crazy outdoor thing you can do. All of this semester we've been slowly getting the supplies he was going to need (sleeping bag, etc.) It seemed like every week we were receiving a reminder about forms that needed to be filled out or supplies that the kids needed to have. Needless to say we were all excited as this weekend approached.

So I'm also sure you can imagine what a kick in the crotch it was to take my son into the ER this weekend with an injured arm. He had hurt it on Thursday and by Friday evening his hand had swelled to a frightening degree. It looked like he was wearing a big inflated Mickey Mouse glove on one hand. The ER put a splint on his arm and referred us to a Orthopedic specialist. My son was devastated by the thought that he might not be able to go on his camping trip. He was relieved to find out that his dad's philosophy is that since camp was paid for he was going no matter what. So apparently he left on the bus this morning. When I took him he didn't want my help carrying his bags over to the waiting area. I guess he doesn't want anyone questioning his ability to go on the trip.

Get Your Motor Running

I was driving down the highway the other day (In fact I was rushing back to the office from an interview) when I was passed by a grizzled octogenarian dressed entirely in black leather on his custom Harley. He had a cigarette held tightly between his lips, black sunglasses, and a few days growth of facial hair. His biker jacket proclaimed the "gang" he belonged to. Clearly this was a man who had kicked some ass in his day and probably still kicked ass on a semi-regular basis.

He was moving at a good clip down the road and I sped up a little to keep up with him. I was sure to stay back a bit so he wouldn't spot me. I didn't want to anger him and come home to find his gang in my front yard destroying what few valuables I own and holding my family hostage. I was curious about what sort of mission would have him out in the afternoon daylight moving with such urgency. Possibly he was hunting down some sort of bounty that was trying to skip town. Or maybe he was transporting information on some heist his crew was about to pull off. Or what seemed most likely, he was probably trying to catch up with some police convoy to free one of the members of his gang in some uber-violent manner.

Suddenly the elderly biker swerved hard to the right and slammed his brakes. It was on! I slowed in eager anticipation of the ass whooping that I was about to get to witness. The biker was clearly agitated. Not wanting to come to a complete stop in the highway I craned my neck around while still driving to see what had garnered this solitary warrior's violent reaction. The cigarette had apparently fallen out of his mouth and gotten stuck in the crotch of his jeans. He was now slapping at it furiously trying to get it out and end the burning.

All I could think as I drove on was how well practiced he looked at slapping at his crotch while driving his bike. What a bad ass.

My New Best Friend

I have been busy with interviews and such lately. It comes in waves sometimes. So it has meant that I've had to disappear from the office for hours at a time a lot more than usual. In return I have a lot less blog time as I make myself more visible when I am at the office to cover for the fact that I've been disappearing a lot.

Anyway, yesterday I was called to an office of a prospective employer to take a test. I can't remember the last time I had to test for an employer so I didn't really know what to expect. Was it going to be an intelligence test (e.g. the Wonderlic) or a job knowledge test (on HR laws)? No, it was a test on prioritizing and use of Microsoft Office Apps. I was given a list of tasks to perform. Memos to send out. Spreadsheets to generate. And PowerPoint presentations to create. Ok, I use Microsoft Office daily. So no problem right? Well.......not exactly. Sure I work with Excel, but I have never had cause to use formulas before. I've delivered PowerPoint presentations, but I never actually had to make one before.

As I sat in the room looking at the computer like it had turned against me, I pondered what to do. I thought about standing up and walking out, but Dagromm's aren't quitters. Whiners yes, but quitters no. I thought about just letting them know that I would have my assistant or intern do all of this work for me and asking them when they wanted me to start. I also thought about using the work of the person that had used the computer before me, but I thought that might sniffed out pretty easily and it appeared that whoever it was that had the computer before me was less computer literate than I. I say this because I found his note of apology saved in the documents section. It said that he had tried and that if they hired him he would learn how to do these things. It was really kind of sad. I think he was one step away from suicide.

I finally decided to give it a shot and see what I could come up with. Luckily Clippy, my new bestest friend, came to my aid. Hell, Clippy practically created everything for me. Whenever I didn't know what to do next I just turned to Clippy and he took care of it. Clippy made my PowerPoint pretty and colorful. It wasn't the best I'd ever seen, but it looked about as good as most PowerPoints I've had to sit through. Clippy then helped me create a memo and other generic office offal. Thanks Clippy. You were there for me when no one else was.

Clippy says hi!

Heart Break

We've started off the soccer season the same place we started last season. Losing. It was a major disappointment as I think the girls that we added have a lot of potential and I had hoped the girls from last season would respond more favorably than they did. The girls looked too lost and made way too many mistakes in our first game. The second game they looked considerably better, at least for the first half of the game. This is the kind of thing that gets me feeling down the whole weekend.

After the game I huddled the girls together. I screamed that they had just ruined my weekend and that this was the worst birthday I had ever had. Then I grabbed my bags and ran away with tears in my eyes. In the world of coaching this is called motivation. I think they're going to come to this next game really inspired.

What's going on?

Every once in a while I catch my kids trying to get away with something that they know they shouldn't. For example, I caught my son trying to unplug my alarm clock this morning in the hopes that we would over sleep and let him skip school for the day. Little did he know that by the time the alarm goes off every morning I'm just laying there in mock sleep. The cat and the dog know what time I should get up and are quick to annoy me every morning until I pet them or feed them. So when my son came creeping in like a keystone cops bank robber he didn't realize I was in my mock sleep state. After he crept back to his room I walked in flipped on the lights and told him that as long as he was already awake he needed to clean up his room immediately, fix his and his sisters' lunches, and that he had just excused himself from video games for the next month.

Thinking about it now, I still get aggravated by the whole situation. The worst part is that I'm not sure whether it's because he tried to get away with something, or because it's something that could have affected me, or because of the very clumsy way in which he attempted it. Invariably when I catch him trying to get away with some mischief, after reading him the riot act I want to sit down and tell him a better way to have pulled the caper. I want to point out the flaws in his strategy and execution. I think it's better if I don't, but it's tough to watch your kids make mistakes.

Numbers Game

I purported to Plug on her blog the other day that I think that all men love lists. I don't know why. Maybe it's just some innate need to have order in our lives. Maybe it's a need to know what value things have in life. I'm not sure. I do know that I have many, many, many lists. Not all of them are written down. Most are "in general" rankings that I keep in my head. I know that in talking about good movie stars and such, I used to throw out to Q and CyberD that a certain woman was good looking, but not in my top five, or ten, or fifty, or even hundred. Finally, Q and CyberD each did me one better and actually put pen to paper and made their top 100 lists of famous women. CyberD went the farthest by creating a dossier of each woman including where her family lives and predictions where she might be found should he ever be in the area.

I have lists for an innumerable amount of subjects. For instance, I can tell you that my top actor in the last twenty years is John Cusack, followed by Ralph Macchio and William H. Macy. I can tell you that my top 10 rappers turned actors are 1) Ice Cube 2)Mark Wahlberg 3)Will Smith 4) Ice T 5) The Fat Boys 6) Queen Latifah 7)DMX 8) Tupac 9)Eve 10) Snoop. I can also tell you that in unarmed combat I am the second deadliest person I know. I don't want to tell you where you all rank as I'm afraid it might hurt some feelings.

Glocks in Box

I had to reschedule my sons weekly guitar lesson due to a conflict with the upcoming start of soccer. That meant getting up early on Saturday, when I might otherwise have slept in and taking him to class. As I sat outside the strip mall waiting for him I was caught by the sight of a young 4 or 5 year old girl walking down the sidewalk with her mom. No, I wasn't just staring at the mom (although not bad...), but instead the fact that the girl was carrying what appeared to be a Glock. I was a little startled about why a child would be carrying around a Glock and in a public area. The mom didn't seem to be too concerned, but I certainly was when they turned and walked right in to where my sons' guitar lessons were being held. OK, I was bewildered. My curiosity grew as I saw another 4/5 year old child arrive with his mom and he was also carrying a Glock. And then another and another and another. Each of them walking around with a Glock in his hands.



I couldn't take it anymore. I know I live in Texas, but to see young kids walking around with these things was too much to take. I had to know what was going on. So I weant inside after them to get some answers. It turns out the same place that teaches my son the ways of the guitar also has a class for young kids on the weekend in which they are all required to purchase their own Glock. I still don't know what kind of nefarious plan I've stumbled onto. The children were all in a room with their parents when I entered the building. Sitting just to the side of each of them were their Glocks in specially manufactured cases. Are the children being raised to be some sort of spies or soldiers or muhjadeen? I don't know. But it frightens me.

Picture of kid with glock

Take it to the Bridge

This weekend the family went to watch Bridge to Teribithia. This was at the bequest of my youngest who was convinced by all of the ad time on Disney Channel that she wanted to see it. The rest of us like fantasy movies and things that are marketed to 7 year olds so we agreed. If you don't want any spoilers then stop reading now. I myself have never read the book that the movie was based on. I remember hearing of it, but had some recollection that the book was girly. I don't know why I had that in my head, but I did. Well we weren't prepared for what was coming. The movie got heavy pretty quick. From the depressing life that Jess lived, to some relatively deep talk about God and Christianity, to the unexpected death of the main girl and Jess' only friend in the movie. In the end, we walked out feeling like we needed some sort of grief counseling. My little girl said that she didn't ever want to go to the movies again, because "it was too sad". She just didn't understand why the girl had to die or why they'd put that in the movie. My son was sad as well, but mainly because I think he had been expecting to see Ghost Rider.

I had to spend the rest of the night trying to cheer everybody up. That meant comfort food and trying to find a movie that would make us laugh. Being the good dad that I am I got us some burritos and nachos from Taco Bueno. Then I popped in one of the movies that I remember having several funny moments in it from when I was a kid. So we sat to eat and watch Stand By Me. Although the movie does have a lot of funny parts, I forgot that the whole trip the boys were going on was to see the body of a dead boy that had gotten hit by a train (Oops. Not helping). I also forgot that the character of Chris Chambers (the best friend) is reported at the end of the movie to get stabbed in the throat and killed (definately not helping). My little girl who was having a pretty devastating weekend at this point let me know that although she was sad that she knew it wasn't real and that she knew the actor was still alive. I decided to keep quiet about the fact that River Phoenix wasn't making any more movies.

Dad Food Remix

The kids have figured me out. They realize that everything I fix them is going to include some form of Macaroni and Cheese, Hot Dogs, or Chili. They've begun requesting fancy stuff like McDonald's and....well pretty much anything else. They've become food snobs. Why just this morning my daughter opted out of asking me for any breakfast (left-overs from last night) and made herself a bowl of Fruit Loops and poured in some chocolate milk. It looked repulsive. If they're expecting me to conform to exotic things like that then they are out of luck. It did give me a little hope for her ability to one day get on Iron Chef.

Dad Food

My wife has been out of town now since Tuesday, which means that I've been soley responsible for feeding my children. So Tuesday was Chili Mac, Wednesday was Chili Dogs, today will probably be Macaroni and Cheese without chili, and tomorrow...I don't know yet probably Hotdog Mac. This is pretty much the gambit of what you get when I'm the one cooking. I have also taken up grilling in the last year and could probably do more than this, but normally I reserve the effort for somebody that might actually appreciate it. The kids, so far, are thrilled with the instant meal menu that I've been providing. Additionally there have been other benefits as well. For one, dinner has been at a lot earlier times the last few nights, which in turn means that baths/showers are taken earlier, which means that we all go to bed earlier. See, I told you that I was dedicated to getting to bed on time.

As a side bar, me and Q saw the Weinermobile a couple of weeks ago when he was visiting for the Super Bowl. I wish it was stopped, because I surely would have visited. Unfortunately, it was traveling on what I can only imagine was a top secret mission against evil.

I Haven't Got Time For The Pain

I had a flashback to adolescence this morning. I previously noted how I've been going with the clean shaven look as of late after some time wearing facial hair. Apparently all of that time taking it easy has eroded my shaving skills. I had erroneously come under the impression that shaving technology made it virtually impossible to cut yourself anymore. Not so much. This morning when taking a completely incorrect angle with my razor I managed to put a good size gash right over my top lip. It hurt like hell and it had been so many years since this had happened that I panicked and forgot what to do. I scrambled around the bathroom dabbing at the blood and throwing various products on my face in a failed attempt to make the pain stop. A quick note for anyone that hasn't done this, aftershave doesn't help. It just makes you cry. Eventually,I found the Neosporin after trying the cortisone, the lip balm, and the Aquafresh.

I am now sporting a very conspicuous band aid just above one side of my top lip. I'm pretty sure that everyone thinks I have a cold sore. I'm going to try and hide in my office the rest of the week.

A Dose of Reality

I had to run a few errands early this morning. So after the daily ritual of waking everyone up and getting them ready so that when I returned we could leave straight away I headed out the door. My daughter (now 7) took my place on the sofa in front of Robin Meade and whoever the hell else is on CNN Headline News.

When I returned some minutes later my daughter was still on the sofa and I was surprised to see that the channel hadn't changed. My daughter upon seeing me quickly announced that Britney Spears had shaved her head and that Anna Nicole, who is from Texas, still needed to be buried. Thanks a lot CNN. I then had to spend the rest of the morning explaining to my daughter that all of this craziness had something to do with drugs, not studying enough for school, and not going to bed on time.

The good news is that I'm dedicated to going to bed on time tonight.

"What do voluntary mean?"

That's my favorite quote from a football player, ever. In this case it was the response of former Dallas Cowboy starting running back Troy Hambrick who was being questioned by reporters about missing the "voluntary" off season work outs.

I think my son felt the same way last week when I took him to get his braces put on. The night before hand he asked me why he needed to do it and if it couldn't in fact be avoided. To his credit he did about all he could to not need them. He didn't suck his thumb. He didn't take a pacifier. As it turns out it didn't matter he needed them any way. There's a life lesson in there somewhere, but as a parent I'm not allowed to see it. I told him that later on he'll be really glad that he did it and that if it weren't important his mom and I wouldn't be investing the money into it that we are.

My boy persisted and asked what the medical ramifications would be if he didn't get the braces. So I had to admit to my son that this was purely cosmetic and that he faced no life threatening consequences. At this point he said that he was fine with his teeth the way that they were and was already happy with how he was. "Alright son", I said "Here's the deal. We're shallow, but other people are too. So this is being done in the effort that you will one day be able to get a date or win over the person at the job interview with your nice smile." So now I feel like I did the right thing by getting the braces and also feel guilty that I'm contributing to making my son self conscious.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

No, this one isn't about me or my life. This is more a similarity I see between the Series of Unfortunate Events books and the current confusion over the daughter of Anna Nicole Smith. In both situations there seems to be somewhat curious circumstances surrounding the deaths of the parent(s). Also the child(ren) are being fought over because of possibly dubious reasons. It occurs to me that whomever gets custody of the child will be granted a substantial windfall. I can't help but wonder if these things aren't interrelated, and what worst of all the child(ren) are the ones that are left to suffer.

I can't as a good Christian man stand to watch a child be torn apart by self serving, greedy people. It makes me sick. This isn't to say that Anna Nicole would have been a great mother, in fact that probably isn't the case at all. But at least she was the mother. No this child deserves better than that. So I am officially putting my name in the hat for custody of the child. I will even offer that it's possible that I am her father. When the blindfold is on who really knows, right? So please stop all of this fighting and send my baby to her rightful home. The House of Dagromm is open to her. I will love her and care for her with as much attention as I can. My two resident children would love another sibling. Yes, I think it would be best. Also when you make the check out to me, please remember there are two m's in Dagromm.

Facial Hair Confusion

As a few of you who have actually seen me in the last month or two know I have been letting my facial hair grow out. In fact I have recently been sporting what Q refers to as the "Grizzly Adams". It started out of pure laziness and figuring that I could sleep a couple minutes longer in the morning, which in turn meant that I could stay up a few minutes later in the evenings. Which in turn meant that I did not actually get any more sleep and was just as tired every morning. Funny how that works. It wasn't meant to be a long term thing, but after a couple of weeks when no one at work mentioned it i decided to let it go. It became kind of an experiment to see at what point someone in my department would say something. Now I did some minor maintenance here and there, but for the most part I let nature take it's course and let it achieve some normal bushiness. After a month people in other departments were starting to say things to me, but my own group stayed quiet. It really got annoying as I found myself constantly stroking it (the beard you pervs). It was like having a pet on my face. I was always giving it attention.


Finally, last week in the Beatdown Meetings someone finally said something. It was one of my coworkers that had relocated to Chicago and hadn't seen me since before the experiment began. My experiment completed I went home that night and shaved my face clean and my head as well. At this point in my follicle life it's not that big a deal to shave your head, but since I had been letting that grow for a couple of months it looked pretty drastic. The next day at the meeting I came in looking completely different. Some of the people there that didn't know me that well didn't recognize me at first. I was amused to see everybody's reactions when for several weeks they hadn't even acknowledged the beard was there.



My former boss used to accuse me of having "facial hair confusion" as I've done this kind of thing before. For me it's about not being scared of change and in fact embracing it. That and because it cracks me up.

Let's get Valentiney

Hi Blog World!! I thought I would jump on Valentine's Day before it attacked me tomorrow. This is what we in America call a pre-emptive strike. Rather than do the annual pissing and moaning about Valentine's Day, like most men, I've decided instead to jump in with both feet. First of all I have already bought my wife a present. This is a vast improvement over previous years when I've waited until the actual holiday. In many cases I have actually waited a few days until all of the candy was on clearance. Not this year though!! I'm prepared! I bought the candy last year when it was clearanced and so this year it will be there when she wakes up in the morning. Luckily there have been few advances in Valentine technology and as long as the expiration dates are smudged out (they already are!!) I should already be supplied for the next ten years.

So I encourage all of you men out there to stop whining about the holiday and how you don't get anything out of it. Instead, look at all of the things that your wife or girlfriend goes along with for your sake and be appreciative. Realize that when she was a little girl she did not dream of one day wearing a Valkyrie costume to bed to satisfy your viking fetish. She did however hope to get some attention and some sort of present from her special guy. That being said guys let's jump into V.D. together and feel the love!

Girls Soccer Day 1

Well, we had our first practice of the season Saturday. It was fun seeing the girls again and meeting the two new ones. They weren't the ones that I was trying to recruit, but they appear to be somewhat athletic and aggressive, which is great. Unfortunately I didn't have the whole team there as the weekend fell on an unfriendly custody weekend, but I felt like it was really productive. Our season starts in two weeks, and because we don't have the time in the evenings yet, I've told the parents that we will be doubling up next weekend. So next weekend will be eaten up with practice. Saturday and Sunday. I've already talked to them about playing physically, we worked a little on skills, and some on conditioning, but the newbies still need to learn about rules and positioning. This can be tough to do on the unmarked field that we practice on, but I've got a few ideas.

I'm still waiting to receive our schedule, and some of our returning girls are eager to see it too. There are a few grudges they are wanting to work out, so hope for the best. I'm looking forward to a good season this year and hopefully a few more wins than last season.

LOA

In HR circles that stands for Leave of Absence (We love acronyms in HR), so I wanted to give a quick explanation for my recent blog LOA. I have been unfortunately pulled away from the computer this last week due to a long week of departmental meetings. The point of these meetings seemed to be to tell us that we don't dress well enough, keep our offices too messy, are inefficient at our jobs, and that our SVP got a big bonus because of us. We also were treated to mandatory dinners and reprimanded for not being grateful enough. It was awesome!!!!

I also got to spend a lot of time with our new corporate trainer. It occurs to me that corporate trainers are all neurotic and notorious self promoters. It could just be the three or four that I've met, but it certainly seems like more than just a coincidence. There was lots of over laughing at our SVP's jokes, lots of being astonished at the work he's done (eg. "That's great", "That's terrific", "Wow"), lots of over note taking even when we had handouts that said everything, and of course lots of directing everything back to herself. This current one seems to be the worst that I have seen. So much so that she almost seems like a caricature. She is the type that in a conference call will always ask a question so that she can say her name to everyone listening. That's called "getting your name out there". On day three, her last day with us, I realized while on a conference call with the CEO that she really only has one question. "What type of training do you think will be most needed in the next year?" It might have some slight variation, but that's basically it. Now I can't wait till the next time I'm on a similar type of call with her again, because as soon as it opens up for questions I'm going to totally steal her question just to watch her scramble.

Who Am I

I came to America from another land and helped my lover reclaim her life, even though people felt I was too immature. Time and again I watched my childhood friends as they stumbled towards marriage and I was there for them. My life became like a terrible game and I faced death for the chance to strike it rich. My love for music has put me in the company of a queen. But I have never forgotten how I had to play for gangsters and murderers. Eventually I pretended to be a gangster myself, but that's not who I really was. Eventually the people that I thought were my friends came to scourn me, but they all got AIDS and died. Now everyday seems the same and I don't know how to make it all turn out right.

This one might be way too easy. Let's see what you've got. Put answers in the comments section and I will give clues every 24 hours until someone gets it.

JULY 21st IS THE DATE

I'm just excited. That's all I had to say. Thank you Robin Meade for imparting this knowledge on me. The seventh book is coming out 5 days after the fifth movie. I will most likely be on a Potter junkie binge that entire week.

Many Projects

In my quest to keep it real and stay hard core, I've decided that I need to obtain my own pimp cup. You know like the chalice that Snoop Dog carries all the time. Or the one that Lil' Jon has when he's out. Hell even 50 cent has a pimp cup to drink his vitamin water out of. So I decided that the time had come for me to join my brothers in pimpdom and obtain one of my own. I was so excited as I left the house and headed for the mall. I could only imagine how everybody at work was going to be jealous the next day. Them drinking from styrofoam cups, me from goblet of krunkness. Well I practically ran into Things Remembered and searched for a kick ass, possibly iced out, drinking vessel. What I found though were coffee mugs that said "#1 Boss" and "#1 Dad" and "#1 Employee". Some of them had brass name plates, but none of them looked very gangsta. I asked the employee whether they had any good pimp cups for my Krunk Juice and he just stared at me as if I was speaking another language. Just another example of the man trying to keep me down.

No problem though, I'm going to Hobby Lobby after work to get supplies to make my own pimp cup. It's gonna be off the chain!

Just Getting Around To This

I found this article on Yahoo some weeks back and had meaning to post about it since then.

LONDON, Jan 8 (Reuters Life!) - For sale: the world's smallest country with its own flag, stamps, currency and passports.
Apply to Prince Michael of Sealand if you want to run your own nation, even if it is just a wartime fort perched on two concrete towers in the North Sea.
Built in World War Two as an anti-aircraft base to repel German bombers, the derelict platform was taken over 40 years ago by retired army major Paddy Roy Bates who went to live there with his family.
He declared the platform, perched seven miles off the east coast of England and just outside Britain's territorial waters, to be the principality of Sealand.
The self-styled Prince Roy adopted a flag, chose a national anthem and minted silver and gold coins.
The family saw off an attempt by Britain's Royal Navy to evict them and also an attempt in 1978 by a group of German and Dutch businessmen to seize Sealand by force.
Roy, 85, now lives in Spain and his son Michael told BBC Radio on Monday his family had been approached by estate agents with clients "who wanted a bit more than a bit of real estate, they wanted autonomy."
He suggested Sealand, which has eight rooms in each tower, could be a base for online gambling or offshore banking.
Asked to describe the delights of living on what he described as a cross between a house and a ship, the 54-year-old said: "The neighbors are very quiet. There is a good sea view."

I don't really have anything to add to this article other than Prince Roy was a bad ass. I could see myself doing this same thing. I would of course name the nation Dagrommia and our national anthem would be Feelin' On Yo Booty by R. Kelly. Everyone would be wealthy and every citizen would have a swimsuit calendar. The proceeds of which would go to fund the government. The highest seller would be my second in command. I think it would be recognized as the greatest nation on Earth.

My Reason For Getting Up in the Morning

Every morning one of the first things I do as I stumble bleary eyed out of bed is to wander down the hallway to my living room and turn the TV on to CNN Headline News. The reason? My crush on Robin Meade. There have been many mornings that I've thought about sleeping longer or calling in, but I know that if I did then I would miss this princess of current events. Instead, I eagerly find the remote and punch in to learn about Korean nuclear testing and Kentucky train wrecks. Hezbollah rockets have never been sexier.

I am: Robert A. Heinlein Beginning with technological action stories and progressing to epics with religious overtones, this take-no-prisoners writer racked up some huge sales numbers.

Which science fiction writer are you?

New Game

I had the idea to try this out the other day, so I'll give it a shot. I will give you the description of someone famous (at least somewhat) with chronological clues and you guess who it is. This is open to anyone that would like to give this a try. I might even have a prize for the winner.

Who Am I?

I have been many things in my lifetime. At one point I felt as small as a bug. At others I was known to jump around like a monkey. In 1971 I was obsessed with my father's team while it struggled with race relations. Still I got older and black and white took on new meanings as I found passion in racing. I've even had a stint as a competitive skater. Now my life seems to have a new chapter every week. Some want me dead, but nobody's been able to kill me.

So that's it. Make your guesses in the comments section. I'll let everyone know when someone gets it right. I don't know if this is too hard or too easy, but I certainly hope that somebody out there cares to take a guess.

Recommended Reading

The local Walden Books was closing down and had everything that was left at a 40% discount. I looked around (not for anything in particular) and found this book. I was actually already aware of this book and the film that was adapted from it, but had not ever read it or seen the movie. I'm not sure exactly where I knew of this from as the book and movie were both manufactured and distributed in Japan, but regardless for 40% off I felt like I needed to give it a try. Well 10% of the way into a 600+ page book I'm really glad that I did. It has been a long while since I've had a book that I was excited to get back to everyday and eagerly wanted to read. It's a fictional story about an Asian Governmental Program that takes 50 random high school classes each year and puts them in a remote place and forces them to kill each other until only one person is left. That last person is the "winner" and gets a lifetime pension and a card autographed by the dictator. This book is violent and not for kids, but it's loads of fun. So be sure to check out Battle Royale by Koushun Takami.

This is pretty much the same image my coworkers see as I walk out the door everyday.

I think Tupac and I share a lot of similarities actually. With the exception of the dew rag, tattoos, expensive jewelry, and bullet wounds we could almost be twins. I'm pretty sure that Pac was a Democrat. He loved his mama like a good boy. He kept it real and was a member of the Digital Underground. In fact I think if you held my resume and his up side by side they would probably look like carbon copies of each other. I'm pretty sure that I remember reading somewhere that if he hadn't gotten into gangsta rapping and the Thug line of work that he probably would have gotten into HR. That's about the same thing that happened to me. It just turned out my liberal arts degree is more valuable in the field of Human Resources than in the realm of Hip Hop. These are the things they don't warn you to ask at college preview weekends.

OOOOOooooooowwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!

My daughter is sitting 12 feet away from me playing her drumset to the tune of Queen's Greatest Hits. She's been doing this now for 30 minutes. I think I'm developing an aneurism develop now. I swear my eyeballs are bleeding and every muscle in my neck and shoulders is in knots. After every song she turns to me and asks how that sounded. "It sounds really good, honey. You're getting better" Now, I know why people lose their hearing as they get older. It's a defense mechanism.

Another Change

Do you guys like this template any better? Q was complaining about the last one.