Knock Knock. Who's there? Mad Skills!

One of the questions I'm asked most often is when are the Rapscallions (my two man organic culinary rap group) going to drop a new album. It's certainly taken a lot longer than I would've liked. I don't want to get into all the details. Suffice it to say there was a domino effect that began with a regrettable romantic interlude with Patrick and Gina Neely that eventually led to the incarceration of our major financial backer (Lindsay Lohan).

All of that is out of the way now though. The Rapscallions featuring MC Gay Sails and DJ Beats Off is set to release our newest album, Masturbatronics. It's been hailed by some as the best music album to come out since Edison first produced the gramophone. I don't want to say too much right now, but I know that our fans have been clamoring for news. So with out further ado here is the track listing:

1. A Game of Inches

2. Lubrication

3. There's A Neely In My Pants

4. FIFA

5. Rocket Ship To Atlantis

6. Hello Tissue

7. NoTex HoPlex

8. It's Called a Breath Mint (The Pat Neely Song)

9. Gangsta Biznitch (ft. Lindsay Lohan)

10. Locally Grown

11. Sensual Internet Lover

12. Silky Hands

13. Always Finish First

14. The Door's Locked For A Reason

15. Don't Come In! I'm Busy Right Now.

Plus a secret special bonus track.

And the World Keeps on Turning

Hello Blog World! Long time no hear. I am finally returning from my long blog-sabbatical. Since my last Blog post lots has happened. I've semi-moved to Kentucky for work. I've upped my fitness regime to include kegels. I've increase my knowledge of the culinary arts such that I have earned the worlds highest honors for my daring work with meatballs.

It's tough being away from the family. I miss them a lot, but when ever I get down I think of the beautiful old Clarence Carter blues ballad and things don't seem so bad. I think we can all find our place in the universe by meditating on the lyrics to Strokin'. When you can truly understand what the words mean you have attained enlightenment.

I find that I can also combat the feeling of missing the fam, by keeping busy. I've joined an indoor soccer team, I put in extra time at work, and I've begun my quest to attain greater knowledge by reading every book of scholarly value in the world. "How do you determine such a thing?" you might ask. Well I am following in the footsteps of the great German philosopher Friedrich Nietzche who once said, "Everything I needed to know I learned in kindergarten". Following that philosophy I am working my way through every easy reader in the children's section of the Hardin County library. I am making awesome time and believe that I have astounded the librarians with the great pace in which I am devouring this knowledge. I don't know if there is an official Kentucky state record for number of books read in a lifetime, but I am sure that I have already eclipsed it in the short time I've been here.

What's going on with you world?

Some Updates

Hi everyone!! I've got lots to say, but am way too tired to probably talk about everything as much as I should. First of all let me talk about work. A few months ago I found out that my job was being eliminated. I wasn't given a definite time frame, but it was going to happen and I needed to find a new job. Well, the good news is that I've outlived my job and been offered a new position with another company. I'm excited about it and it could be a really good opportunity, but it will take me away from home a lot for the next six months and ultimately will most likely mean relocating after that six month time frame. So where as I'm excited, I'm also quite worried about being away from my family for such an extended period of time. They'll probably handle it a lot better than I will. I'm the one that cries at movies.

The boy has finished his first year of high school and enjoyed most of it. He's decided not to pursue band and is hoping that he can get a job this summer. I think he's probably younger than most places will consider, so I'm going to try to help him get a volunteer job to use as a spring board for a paying one later on. Plus it's a nice thing to do.

The girl is still playing soccer and just finished a soccer camp which was led by Mia Hamm, Kristine Lilly, and other women's soccer legends. She was really excited and got their autographs and pictures with them too. The stuff is already on her wall!

I'll write more later, but like I said........pooped.

That Time of Year

So it's that time of the year again when the world asks "What does Dagromm want for Christmas?". So in the spirit of saving time from responding to hundreds/thousands of e-mails I decided to post my list.

1. Mix Tape - Preferably a CD actually. Now don't ask what I want on it, because then I'll be making it. Put songs you like on it, or ones you think I should like. Make a best 2010 CD's or your favorite songs ever. Give it a theme like songs that include the words "cherry cola" somewhere in the lyrics or are about posteriors or something, both of which I think wouldn't be that tough to do. The best part is even if I get the same thing from everyone they would all be different.
2. Soccer Jersey - Preferably of a professional or national team, but barring that if you send me an adult sized version of your kids jersey I'll wear it too. Heck go online and design your own and make it weird as hell, I'll wear it. Just nothing that I can't wear around kids. I've got enough of that stuff in my closet already.
3. Fancy Cheese - I don't think this requires explanation. It's cheese!
4. Footwear in either purple or green (not both). I wear a 10.5 in mens. I'd prefer mens shoes.
5. Any book by an athlete you can't believe would ever write a book or have one published.

I hope this helps.

Love,
Dagromm

What's Dagromm Been Up To?

I know that's the question that has been on everyone's mind. He hasn't been blogging, is he ok? Dags has been so quiet, does that mean he's under cover saving the world from threats too horrifying to believe. I haven't heard from Mr. Dagromm, undoubtedly he has been waylayed by nefarious sultry vixens with otherworldly powers. Well loyal blog universe I can unequivocally tell you that the answer to all of these speculations is yes, yes, and yes.

Work
Outside of that I've been busy with a multitude of other things as well. Work has been busy as we are hiring about a hundred people a month right now which makes for a very busy work week. They're not high paying positions though so it seems like we're running up the down escalator a bit.

Books
I recently have been reading books by A. Lee Martinez, an author from Terrell, TX (Represent!). This means that he probably knows Jamie Foxx and my mom as Terrell is a small town and these are the only two people of note that I can think of that have lived there. His books are light affair but I found them very entertaining and would recommend. I started with Gil's All Fright Diner, which is a bit of horrorish stuff and then read In the Company of Ogres which is a fantasy novel. Both the copies I got of these books from the library had the additional bit of coolness of having been autographed by the author.

Soccer
Countless hours of coaching one team (3rd place currently) and managing another (2nd place currently) took a slight break this last week as my daughter and I did our annual trips to the Dallas Cup to watch more soccer. This year had some very entertaining games and included us getting to watch the U-20 US National Team as well as that of Mexico. Ultimately it was won by a Brazillian club (Cruzeiro) over a Mexican club (Monterrey). The final game was a thriller and ended with an onfield brawl during stoppage time. Mexican teams don't like losing and tempers tend to flare. Security was able to break everything up after a few minutes but it was insane for a little while.

Sultry Vixens
I found out a few weeks ago that I have a secret crush here at work. The mysterious lady sent reconnaissance to inquire my marital status and let me know that she was interested. I know what you're thinking, same old same old for Dags. Needless to say I've demanded an escort to my car after work each day since to ensure my safety from my stalker.

A Confession

I've wanted to talk about this for a while, but haven't had the strength to admit it. I've become a frequenter of a certain website that I need to stay away from. It's no good for me. I have doubts whether anyone should frequent it, but I can't stop. The website has pictures of things you wouldn't believe. Pictures of things that no one would ever think to take pictures of. The website in question is that of Lone Star Auctions. This is the website used by local police stations, school districts, and other government agencies to dispense of confiscated or surplus property. I'm continuously drawn there to see what new thing I can find. A lot of 30 broken school desks? A lot of 8 miscellaneous cell phones dating back 10 years? A dump truck? I've seen all of them for sale and more. Pallets of cafeteria trays, sound mixing equipment, stuffed deer heads. The merchandise varies from the mundane to the truly bizarre. For example...

Look closely. Yes indeed. That is a Cleveland Steamer. For sale!!! Who would have ever thought you could buy a Cleveland Steamer on the internet. I'm disgusted. And compelled.

Another Great Sports Interview

I don't know how many of you have already heard this, but this is a news story containing a portion of the press conference of Texas Tech head coach Mike Leach after his team lost to Texas A&M. This is the first time I've ever heard a coach blame this for his team losing.

Disclosure

This last weekend I had a run in that I thought I should share. Q was visiting on Saturday and since my son had friends over we holed up in his room to play video games and stay out of their way. They were watching anime in the front room and then playing Apples to Apples. The other kids left between 9:00 and 10:30, but Q and I stayed in the room playing games for a couple more hours. Finally we shut it off and while Q was talking with my wife I searched for my glasses so that I could take my contacts off.

I couldn't remember where I put them and thought that I had possibly left them in my car since I had taken them to work with me on Friday. I went outside to see if they were there only to find that someone had gotten into my car and was in the process of stealing from it. I exclaimed with a curse word and he stood up and looked at me for a second. Then he took off running. I hesitated for half a second and then I ran after him. I had left a little cash in my car and I really couldn't afford to lose it and I knew that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I just let him run away.

I followed him around the corner at the end of my street and down the next street. I was hollering the whole time for someone to call the police in the hopes that someone would hear. By the time he had gotten four houses down the next street I had caught up to him. He didn't put up a fight and a neighbor on the street heard me and came out to help me restrain him and take him back so that we could call the cops. We stopped outside my house and I hollered in to my wife to call the police. Q came out and made sure that his vehicle hadn't been broken into as well, which it hadn't. The police came and did their thing and took him away.

There was no damage done to my car, as it had been unlocked at the time. I know better, but it's an old car and the lock on that side sticks. If I had been away from home I probably would have reached over and made sure it was locked. I guess I will now, regardless. The guy pleases with us not to call the cops, but really couldn't come up with any compelling arguments. He was obviously stoned or drunk or both. I got some information from the police and looked the guy up online. He's 21 and has been arrested several times before. Multiple drug charges and counts of burglary from homes and vehicles. He's already out on bail and I don't know the timeline for court or if I will even ever have to go. It looks like he's pled out before. I'm hoping that he's had enough of a history now that he'll be doing more time but realize that probably won't be the case.

Anyway the excitement has died down. The cops told me good job and seemed really pleased that I'd gone after him. They didn't advise me doing something like that again, but felt I did well noe the less. I thought I better let everyone know before they find out from someone else and ask why I didn't say anything.

One of My Favorite Sports Interviews

Sometimes I like to sit back and reflect on my favorite press conferences and interviews of all time. Some people get so full of themselves or are so caught up in the moment that they lose it. They say things that makes the casual observer says, "Woah this guy/girl has lost all touch with reality and what is expected of them" and we love it. The following is an excerpt from a press conference with NBA star Allen Iverson from 2006.


Reporter: "So you and coach Brown got caught up on Saturday about practice?"

Iverson: "If I can't practice, I can't practice. It is as simple as that. It ain't about that at all. It's easy to sum it up if you're just talking about practice. We're sitting here, and I'm supposed to be the franchise player, and we're talking about practice. I mean listen, we're sitting here talking about practice, not a game, not a game, not a game, but we're talking about practice. Not the game that I go out there and die for and play every game last it's my last but we're talking about practice man. How silly is that?
Now I know that I'm supposed to lead by example and all that but I'm not shoving that aside like it don't mean anything. I know it's important, I honestly do but we're talking about practice. We're talking about practice man. (laughter from the media crowd) We're talking about practice. We're talking about practice. We're not talking about the game. We're talking about practice. When you come to the arena, and you see me play, you've seen me play right, you've seen me give everything I've got, but we're talking about practice right now. (more laughter)

Reporter: "But it's an issue that your coach continues to raise?"

Iverson: "Hey I hear you, it's funny to me to, hey it's strange to me too but we're talking about practice man, we're not even talking about the game, when it actually matters, we're talking about practice."

Reporter: "Is it possible that if you practiced, not you but you would make your teammates better?"

Iverson: "How in the hell can I make my teammates better by practicing?


So there it is. Either by sheer hubris or by getting caught up in the moment, Allen Iverson makes no bones about the fact that he is too awesome to worry about things like practice and things he gets paid to do. The best part is that then you get geniuses like DJ Steve Porter who mix it with other interviews like Jim Mora's famous playoff speech and drunken Joe Namath to make a sick beat like this one.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

So there's lots to talk about and catch up on. My son's birthday, playing soccer with my new workplace, coaching my daughter's team, another exciting trip by Rod Ecstacy and Skip McBoner, the return of football, and much much more. So after much consideration I have decided to begin with events and lessons learned in the most valuable of places. The workplace bathroom.



As most of the free world probably knows I've been at my new employer now for for about four months. The first three and a half were really busy with lots of hiring and conducting training classes. The few weeks....not so much. We are officially into the slow time until Open Enrollment begins and then the beginning of next year. So....I've got some time to do some writing and appear busy at work to people passing by the office.



A new workplace means once again learning the lay of the land. Learning the movers, shakers, power brokers, politicians, and who all the people are that you can go to when you need to get stuff done but don't want everyone else to know that you have no idea howto do it. It also means learning which bathrooms are safe havens for when you need a few minutes of peace or are having the most uncomfortable and embarrassing of moments (quick note-this is almost never the bathroom closest to your office). The good thing about HR is that since you have contact with all departments, it's never that much of a surprise to see someone away from their desk. It is assumed that you are meeting with a manager from another department about some issue that you can't talk about.



The lower floor bathrooms are no good. For one, we have several visually impaired individuals who work on the first floor. This has led to uncomfortable exchanges, like when a blind person walks into the back of you while you are at the urinal. Not to mention, that as much as men are not the neatest in the bathroom I have come to learn that blind men are even messier. In addition the first floor bathrooms are too well traficked.



The second floor bathrooms are much less frequented and have better connectivity for my phone. Yes I toilet text. And yes I toilet surf on my Blackberry. Don't act like you don't. I don't need your judgement and false sainthood. The only problem has been the motion sensor automatic flush. They are hypersensitive and I have had instances where NUMEROUS flushes have taken place during one sitting. I've tried sitting still, but sometimes a song comes on the MUZAK and I have to dance. I finally discovered the technique of masking my presence to the sensor by placing a length of fresh toilet paper over the sensor before I sit down. Now I'm like the Predator. Undetectable.

Time for a Little Culture

One of the things I like about living in Texas is the number of cultures that are present. Many of the smaller towns have a prevalent cultural heritage and they celebrate them with festivals. San Antonio of course has a strong Mexican heritage and celebrates Cinco De Mayo each year in an elaborate fashion. Muenster and Fredericksburg have Octoberfest and German fest each year. You can find great meats and cheeses at both of these places as well as schnitzels and pastries. Near Waco is a small town named West which has West Fest where they celebrate their Czech heritage. They have dancers, music, and of course FOOD! Anyone that's ever been through there knows that you have to stop at the Czech Stop and get kolaches. They're the best in the world.

I really enjoy these events, not that I get to go to them every year. Still, I do like to go once in a while. You can imagine my delight and surprise when I found out that there was going to be a festival within a short drive of where I live. Texas is a BIG state and many of these other festivals constitute a day of driving just to enjoy them. This one was going to be in Dallas!! I wanted to keep with the spirit of the occasion so I went to the local costume shop and rented a traditional costume, complete with Lederhosen and snappy shoes with buckles. When the day came I loaded up the kids and headed to the Oak Lawn area of Dallas for what was being hailed as Sausage Fest!!!

It was an extravagant affair with over the top decorations and costumes, but wasn't the German festival that I had been expecting. It turns out Sausage Fest can be code for something entirely different. I wasn't out of place in my lederhosen and mountain climber outfit. In fact I got many compliments and approving nods for it. They weren't the kind of compliments I wanted my kids to hear and the approving nods were a little creepy as they were accompanied by long leering stares, but you take the bad with the good.

We ended up leaving early since it was not what we had expected, but not before I was called on stage and knighted by the Queen of Sausage Fest and annointed by his royal dancers. Disappointingly I didn't get anything to eat while I was there, but I had lost most of my appetite as my wife and children laughed about the days events on the way home.

One More Thing

For a few months now the one thing that could consistently cheer me up has been the radio advertisement for the Texas Lottery. If you haven't heard it then click here and check it out. The long empty spot is where the voice over would normally be. Tell me this isn't the most infectious cheery song you've ever heard.

I'll Write More Later

Thanks to Gordon Keith for this.

I love you all. I'll write more on Sunday.

Or Monday.

Maybe.

Hoop Dreams

March Madness is upon us and a quick review of my previous posts has concluded that I have never written about my foray into semi-professional basketball with Cyber D and Q. A couple of years back we decided as a cohesive unit to enter the regional Hoop It Up tournament. Cyber D had been working out and Q had been hitting the weight room. I myself am a renowned athlete (if you've ever been to North Texas you've probably heard) so we entered the highest level group figuring it would only be fair.

So it happened on a sweltering (105 degrees!!) Texas summer day we all met up in the West End section of downtown Dallas prepared to dominate the competition. We attracted quite a few looks at registration, but that tends to happen when people are intimidated. After getting checked in we still had some time before out first game so we headed to the Spaghetti Warehouse for some carbs drenched in alfredo sauce to give us energy through out the day. Afterwards Cyber D was still feeling parched so we stopped by Dick's on the way to the playing area. Cyber D fronted for some margaritas and shrimp cocktails. Cyber D does everything better after a few margaritas. Everything.

At 12:15 pm we headed to court #5 to meet our first opponent. We checked in with the officials and locked eyes with our enemy. Introductions were made and went thus:

Douchebag #1: Hey, I'm Phil. This is Tyreke and this is Steve. Pretty hot out here, huh? I hope you hydrated.

Daggs: Don't worry about us miscreant!!! I almost pity you for having to face my wrath on this day! My friends and family call me by name, but in basketball I am widely know as the Earl of Dunkington for my vicious dunks!!! (The recently passed legislation, Truth in Declarative Statements Act of 2009, compels me to disclose that I have been known to throw down some vicious dunks-windmills, 360's, tomahawks, etc-but they have mainly been after jumping off my best friend's bed and slamming on the nerf hoop hanging from his door. In our two man nerf league I am called the Earl of Dunkington by at least half the league)

Q: People call me P.C. for People's Court, because when I preside over the court the verdict is victory!! (much hi-fiving between the three of us) (Once again the Truth in Declarative Statements Act of 2009 requires me to admit that where-as Cyber D and I have called him a "P" and a "C" neither of those stand for the words "People's" or "Court")

Cyber D: And I am called the Horse's Tail, 'cause once I find the range it's nothing but swish, swish, swish. (this is accented by his miming a very limp wristed jump shot repeatedly) (The TDSA of 2009 would have me mention that Q and I have asked Cyber D not to do this at the basketball court numerous times. We have also encouraged a new nick name)

To make a long story short we left the tournament shortly after. We did learn a few things that we did not know before hand.
1) It turns out that a lighter meal would have been better on such a hot day. Three minutes in to the game stomachs were churning. Eight minutes in stomachs were emptied.
2) They don't allow you to bring a bed to jump off of to perform your vicious dunks. There was nothing about that on the website. That was a lot of extra manual labor that was wasted.
3) Costumes do not earn you extra points from the "judges". Q said that he had heard that they would, but they didn't. We had all dressed like our namesakes. Me in a 14th century courtiers costume, Q was wearing a judges robes and powdered wig, Cyber D was in a half of a horse costume. He looked like Pan.

Real quick and fast

I've been sick. I feel better now. Older but better. I haven't seen the Watchmen yet. I did find this video today. I can't wait.

Soccer

The soccer season is back and I am happy. Although we didn't get the result we were looking for in the first game I saw several promising things. Hopefully I can keep the girls from having too many costly brain farts and we can do better from here on out.

I know that I have probably watched more youth soccer than 99% of Americans. I actually enjoy watching it and seeing what level the kids are at. So I post this video knowing that it might only appeal to a very very small segment of people out there. This is a six year old kid in France that is amazing. He does great cutbacks, pullbacks, rainbows, step overs, dekes and more. If you've ever watched your young child playing for a team at this age just be glad he/she didn't face this kids' team.

So I was Thinking and Stuff...

Recently I watched an independent movie that I really enjoyed called The Pirates of the Great Salt Lake. It's about some modern age guys that decide that they were destined to become pirates and so they head off to live by the pirates code. It reminded me of my great and real desire in middle school to become a pirate one day and gave me some good insight to what it probably would have been like. Of course White Rock Lake in Dallas would have had a different dynamic, but otherwise fairly similar I think. Anyway Netflix or Blockbuster this movie. It is genius. It gets a solid A-.


Reminiscing about my plans to one day be a pirate also got me to thinking about other plans that I had in middle school. For example I was fairly sure that I would be driving a motorcycle by now. The motorcycle is by far the coolest vehicle. It has been driven by American heroes like Captain America, Arthur Fonzerelli, Maverick (from Top Gun), Evil Knievel, and Super Dave Osborne. There have plenty of others of course, but I think I made my point. I knew that things could vary and there were other options as well, but a motorcycle seemed much more economical than driving Big Foot or Blue Thunder. Anyway, none of that has come to pass. I guess you could say that the cruel and unexpected twists and turns in my life have been utterly devastating, but I carry on. I just make sure that I let my kids know that nothing they have planned in their lives will ever come true. Except death.

What's Dagromm Listening To???

That's the question I know that is on everyone's mind. Being on the forefront of of the music industry and pop culture like I am you get used to hearing questions like this. People want to know "what is cool" and they know where to find it. Me.

So this is what has been ringing around my ears lately.


The Ting Tings
I've been semi-obsessed with them for a month or more now. I love the way this song builds and I'm crushing on the lead singer.


The Blue Hearts
Rock and roll baby!! This group amps up some punk furiosity and I dig it. And yes furiosity is a word. I just created it. Feel free to spread your own furiosity at your discretion.


Katy Perry
This is my daughter's favorite video right now and so gets played through the Dagromm household quite a bit. I know that many others also love Katy Perry, so I'm just here to tell you that it's ok.

I'd like to thank everyone that keeps checking in on me. That list is mainly my Unemployment Case Worker. I'm glad that although she wants me to get a job, she's concerned that it be a good fit. She recently sent me this video.



I like to think that she sent it out of love.