Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I will now continue the telling of the epic travels that Q and I underwent this weekend past. We traveled into the wee hours of the night finally arriving in our destination, Shreveport by cover of darkness. As we did so we shed our normal lives to travel as our alternate persona's Ecstasy and McBoner. I was successfully laying my game down when I saw my compatriot in obvious distress. Thus I give you:

Confessions Part II

The Travails of Rod and Skip. Two Men. One Mission.

I hurried across the packed club to Skip's side. The crowd parted before me like the Red Sea for Moses, such is the respect that Rod Ecstasy commands. As I approached I saw where his glazed over gaze was looking. Standing on the other side of the club beyond the sea of writhing bodies was a woman unlike any other. She had an exotic look, as if every nation of the world had sacrificed their most beautiful women to a mad experiment that would combine them all. Who ever the Dr. Frankenstein was that concocted this woman in his lab was surely a genius.

"What's wrong Skip?" I asked. "It's time to make your move". Skip couldn't answer me though, all he could do was give that "deer in headlights" look and shake his head. I tried to break through, "This isn't a question of should you. You have to". He merely looked pleadingly at me at and said he couldn't. He had met his match. I assumed that meant he was out of money or that she was too expensive. "That's loser talk man!!! Skip McBoner and Rod Ecstasy are not losers! Do you think I could have accumulated such a vast fortune and become an industrialist magnate if I was scared to take chances? No. And you....you couldn't have traveled the world rescuing invaluable treasures from the booby trapped tombs where they lie if you were scared to make a move! This is going to happen."

Skip looked at me and as our eyes met they turned to steely resolve. He knew what had to come next. We had learned long ago from Maverick in Top Gun that to get a woman as foxy as Kelly McGillis all you had to do was sing. It was an undeniable truth. It is an aphrodisiac so strong that it cannot be resisted. Much like Funky Cold Medina.

We took the microphone and the lights dimmed across the room except where we stood. The DJ spoke over the awed crowd, "Tonight we have a special group that is going to perform for you. First I'd like to introduce Rod Ecstasy". There was a smattering of applause. They couldn't believe that it was really me. I knew they would tell their kids and grand kids about this one day. The DJ continued, "Performing with him is Rod McEcstasy." What the fuck? Skip just walked on up as if nothing had happened.

"No! No! He's not Rod McEcstasy! He's Skip McBoner! I'm Rod Ecstasy."

The DJ wanted to be a dick, "The card says McEcstasy. let's give it up for them".

"Well the card's wrong. I'm Rod Ecstasy!! Me!!" I protested as the crowd looked on clearly getting confused. I tried to straighten it out for everyone but the music began. What I had requested was You Lost That Lovin Feelin' by the Righteous Brothers. What I got was Make it Rain by Fat Joe. This DJ obviously was confused. No matter. I hit the ground running and Skip joined in on the chorus:

Yeah, I'm in this bitch for terror
Got a handful of stacks
Better grab an umbrella
I make it rain, I make it rain

Then in a moment of serendipity Skip and the DJ instinctively changed tunes the second time through the chorus. As soon as we reached the word umbrella, Skip immediately twice echoed the last two syllables and took it into Rihanna's Umbrella. This left me singing Chris Brown's part. Not exactly the partner I would have chosen for this song but as we closed out the song we were met with a calamitous round of applause. I knew it was a success even as Skip and I made our way towards his exotic prize and my waiting bronzed goddess. We weren't past all of the hurdles yet though and the next one was making a beeline towards us with heart full of hate.