Thursday, May 31, 2007

Once Again, The Quad

My cell phone was ringing again. It had been doing this almost nonstop for the last week. Ringing for hours at a time. As soon as the voicemail would pick up the caller would disconnect and call back. He stopped leaving messages four days ago.

It had become tiresome; for me, The Rock, and the hundred or so people packed into the Red River Bingo Hall. After receiving multiple threatening stares I put the phone on vibrate. “Damn it”, I thought, “That’s going to run the battery down faster”. No getting around it though.

The phone kept going off. It shook its way across the table and bumped against Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s dobber making for a skewed spot on his card. B 9 was now a red mess contrasting sharply with the rest of the meticulously kept bingo card. The Rock gave an audible sigh and raised the People’s Eyebrow at me. I apologized and stuffed the Mint Chocolate LG phone into my pocket, pausing only to admire how the color of the phone matched the shirt that I was wearing. I do that on purpose. The chicks love it. I told The Rock this and he just nodded his approval. I also advised him to wear Joop cologne, because I knew for a fact that it led to getting some serious action. I offered to spray him with some of mine, but he declined. I told him it would “make his game tighter than the legs of a Catholic nun”. The Rock didn’t get it. The Rock had been with Catholic nuns.

My plan was working though. Between the rows of fold out tables came a trailer park dream. This hot young thing was nursing her iced tea with a look of lust in her eyes that would have melted an ice cream truck. She wanted me. I pulled my phone back out so that she could see that it matched my shirt and laid it on the table. I texted the word “dibs” to The Rock’s cell phone.

She was coming on to me strong, through The Rock. He seemed unaware however that her flirtations with him were just a vehicle to get closer to me. I tried to let him know that he was barking up the wrong tree, but he didn’t get it. Soon they left together to take a better look his custom Hummer. I offered to come along but they wanted me to stay and watch the bingo cards, besides my phone was going off again. I waited for them to come back and spent the time expressing my displeasure by dobbing numbers that weren’t called on The Rock’s bingo card. He was going to look like such an ass when he yelled bingo and then didn’t have it. Yeah, that’d show him.

Ninety minutes later, The Rock came back in to get me so he could drop me off at home. He could tell I was pissed. I had “that look”. I stared out the window and didn’t say a word. It was killing him. Finally, I knew he had suffered enough and told him that he was way out of line. I had called dibs and he had totally disrespected it. “That’s not the way we do things around here,” I said.

He raised the People’s Eyebrow and said, “We’re going to do things my way now. You’ve been doing things your way and that’s what got you here!”

I practically shouted, “Those aren’t even your words! That’s from the Grid Iron Gang!”

The Rock was stunned. He once again raised the People’s Eyebrow. “You want to come against the People’s Champ? Then bring it and know that you’re in for…”

“A whole lotta hurtin!” I finished. “That was your speech before WWE Summer Slam 2001.”

He was stunned again. He rolled his head around very slowly making the muscles in his neck pop. I got out of the truck. I was afraid that I was going to hurt this fool if he kept this up, and I didn’t want to wake the neighbors, and it was a week night and I had work the next day. Plus I was wearing my good shoes and I didn’t want to mess them up. Yeah, he was lucky that all those things happened to be the case.

Before I shut the door of the Hummer I said, “I don’t know if this is working The Rock”.

“Fine! Why don’t you just let Cyber D back in the group then?” At that moment my cell phone went off again and he could hear it rattling the soda money in my pocket. His eyes got big and he slammed on the gas burning rubber down my street. I turned and walked to my front door and let myself in. As soon as I walked in my cell phone stopped ringing and my home phone started. He was watching me.

I turned the ringer off on all my home phones. It was late and I wanted the kids to be able to get some sleep tonight. I took a shower, sprayed some more cologne on just in case, and went to bed. I laid there wanting to sleep, but the phone flashing on my night stand alerting me of a call made it impossible. I waited and tried till the early hours of the morning. I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Hello”, I said.

“Hey!!! You answered. Does that mean I’m back in?” the voice on the other end quickly asked.

“Yeah., ok,” I mumbled.

“Sweet!” he replied. “I’ve drawn a picture to show you how I feel about the Quad getting back together. I’ll e-mail it to you!”

I hung up the phone and found this picture waiting for me this morning.

Can You Smell What The Quad is Cooking?

After an exhaustive six day search, we believe that our quest maybe over for the newest member of the Quad. It's been a long arduous six day journey that has brought us closer together and made us all take a long introspective look at what it truly means to be a member of the Quad. What in essence are we made of? What makes us unique and a viable team? What the hell did Cyberman ever contribute?
There were focus groups, research meetings, market surveys, etc. to help us decide what qualities within ourselves made the Quad, the Quad. In the end we developed a comprehensive top secret list of attributes that comprise us. We then reviewed applications and did extensive interviews to find that special someone who would be a perfect match. There were many compelling candidates. Celebrities, scholars, religious figures, and friends all sought that most coveted position within our inner circle, but in the end the person we selected was the only one with the requisite level of bad-assness to get any serious consideration. The Quad is now extending a trial membership to......
The Rock

We are looking forward to great things from you Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Welcome.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Miss USA Announces Support for Cyberman Then Falls on Her Ass

The lesson here is fairly obvious. Only bad things occur when Cyber D is involved. Way to bring down America, Cyberman!!!!
Dagromm Update

I have a few things to get to today so this might jump around a bit more than normal. First of all, I was offered and accepted the job I interviewed for last week. I think it was the yellow shirt and tie that sealed it for me. I will either start there at the end of this week or the start of next week. That being said I will probably be less Blogger available for a little while. At least a couple of days. Not too much more than that.

My boss was pretty decent when I gave him my notice, of course he doesn't realize how soon I'm going to be gone. I gave him a two week notice in the hopes that they will let me go this week and pay me out in lieu of notice. If they don't do that in the next day then I will simply say that I need to move up my notice and leave earlier. I figure it doesn't hurt to try though, because I can always use the extra cash.

I'd also like to thanks Heather and Bice/Mac for throwing there support behind the Quad in this time of transition and completely denouncing Cyberman on national radio. The people have spoken Cyber D and YOU ARE DONE.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

3 is the Magic Number

It seems like it's been an eternity since I've had a three day weekend. It also seems to have been an eternity since I've had a weekend that wasn't completely booked up with kids activities. So, we at the House decided to take it easy, spend some of the movie gift cards we received from soccer, and catch up on some movie watching. I'll talk about what we saw, give my review, and try to go light on spoilers.

The first movie we saw was Pirates of the Carribean: At Worlds End aka Pirates 3. This movie was really long and a lot darker than the original. Darker in feel and darker in texture and visuals. There was also a tremendous body count. I would be curious to see how this movie matches up to the death tolls of other movies that carried R ratings for violence like Commando and the Terminator movies. Visually, it was fun watch and the constant double crossing became an amusing game within the movie. As in the second movie, I don't think they made good use of Keira Knightley's hotness so I can only give this movie an A-.

The second movie we saw was Shrek the Third aka Shrek 3. This was our first time to watch a movie at the Studio Movie Grill. For those that are unfamiliar with the concept, it is a movie theater fitted with tables and is extra roomy so that waiters can take you order and bring you food during while you watch your show. They give you a menu and a light up buzzer so that you can alert the waitstaff that you want something. They also have a bar and serve alcohol. By the late night show, which is the one we went to for Shrek, the smell of drunks is pretty potent. This movie wasn't as funny as the first two and my quesadilla tasted dry. My son enjoyed all you can eat pizza and really got the money's worth out of it. This all comes together to make the movie an A-.

The last movie of the weekend for us was Spiderman 3 aka Spiderman 3. I didn't find this movie as painful as Gyuss did. There was only one scene that made me cringe. The rest of it I thought was pretty decent. Thomas Hayden Church stole the movie for me as the Sandman. Really spot on. Sure, the story had some holes, but I don't believe you should overthink a comic book movie. I'm also used to comic book lore being reinvented. The Spidey lore has been redone so many times in comics, movies, cartoons, etc. that I don't feel an attachment that takes offense to seeing it redone differently yet again. The fudge brownie sundae that I ate during this movie was really tastey. The brownie was a little tough, but the ice cream was yummy. A recap: visual effects - good and bad, the story - decent with holes, dancing - bad, fudge brownie - tough, ice cream - good. That's an A- if there ever was one.

Friday, May 25, 2007

No, This Isn't Just For Heather

I just got a call from my home from my mortified seven year old daughter. She spent the night last night at a friends' house. What better way to kick off the summer right? Other than the fact that she missed her drum lesson that was already paid for, I was cool with it too.

The mother of the friend brought her home just a little while ago. When the three of them got to the door they knocked and waited for my 11 year old son to get up and answer the door. They didn't have to wait long, but when the door was opened he was standing there in nothing but his underwear. I can only imagine what the friend and the mom's reactions were, but my daughter was pissed.

I imagine the scene looked something like this.
Throw Your Hands Up

It's summer time!!! School is out for the kids and today is their first day of vacation. What does this mean for me? How about an extra half hour of sleep in the mornings? That do anything for you?

Besides that, I don't have to worry for a few months about whether the kids are doing their school work. Less stress is always a good thing and I am thrilled to be without this one for a little while. Plus, even though I don't get a long summer break like they do, I still have that same wave of euphoria that I used to get. I guess my body got so trained to enjoy the summer break that even when I don't get one anymore the feeling is still there.

Now I've just got two more weeks of the kids dance practice before the recital and then I am in the clear. At least till summer dance, soccer, and of course music lessons never seem to stop. Not to mention special camps and stuff that the kids do over the summer. The girl wants to go to a sculpting camp. I don't even know if there is such a thing. The boy wants to go to a science camp and build robots. That crap is expensive. Then there's swimming, trips, and extra library visits......Oh God!!!! I am stressed out again. I can't wait till school starts back up!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

I'm Glad I Didn't Go With This Bunny
It's not that I don't think he's cute. Just look at him! That soft pink velveteen fur. That adorable vacant expression in his eyes. Those floppy ears. It's a cute rabbit. It also looks like he was in Mr. McGregor's garden again chopping up tomatoes. Look at the little scamp. He's a mess!

It's also not due to the recent criticism that this blog has received on national talk radio in regards to my submission for the best bunny pic. I can take it. I'm not sensitive. The House of Dagromm does not lay down for any audience or try to appease any groups. We strive only for our own betterment.

No, the reason this picture wasn't used is because I didn't feel that it was in the spirit of the challenge. All of the other bunnies depicted were of actual rabbits, this one I dare say is not real. Now if someone were to take him and truly love him I've been raised to believe that he could become real. Then he would qualify for the contest. So if anybody would like to do this then maybe by the next bunny challenge he will be ready.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Thanks to CNN for getting this story out to the public.

Video: Stripping for college credit*

Now, I'm considering going back to college.

Or the strip club.

I like the message that the girl has at the end. What a great honor's thesis.

Additionally, this story made me cry a little bit.
And Miles to Go Before I Sleep

It's been an off day for me. I'm running a little late, but on a lot of adrenaline, because I had a last moment job interview. I just stumbled across it yesterday when talking with a vendor that we use for staffing. She asked if I was looking at all, then backed off obviously thinking that she might be crossing some sort of line. I told her not to worry and to go ahead and tell me about what she had going on. So long story short I went in for an interview early this morning before coming in to work today.

Bad decision number one: I stayed up to late last night trying to listen to Open Mic Night. I had some connectivity issues and heard my name mentioned after a decapitation story, but before the baby in the microwave story. It's better to get some rest befoer you stumble into an interview all bleary eyed.

Weird coincidence number one: I had met the guy that I was interviewing with before hand. We had taken a prep class together for a few months. We hadn't really talked, but we recognized each other. Hopefully I didn't make to big an ass of myself in the class. I certainly wasn't quiet the whole time and the teacher and I didn't see eye to eye on a few things.

Weird coincidence number two: We were wearing the same shirt. A canary yellow long sleeve button up. It looked loads better on me. My tie and complexion really sets it off.

Bad decision number two: I wore the same clothes into work. Since it's a newer shirt and I save my better office shoes for interviews, people have been asking me all day if I had a job interview. I tell them yes. They think I'm kidding.

Bad decision number three: I wore my contacts and didn't take any allergy medicine. My left eye is very irritated now and I've had to take out that contact lens and throw it away. I'm now trying to do everything with one eye closed, which is causing it to water even more and is giving me a head ache. People now think that I didn't get the job.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

The Fans Came out To Support Soccer

It's done. With the exception of still needing to track down two girls to give them their trophies and thank them for playing, the stress is over. We played a bunch of minigames in a fast paced format on Sunday and we were all exhausted afterwards. I was glad that the teams we played were ones that we hadn't played before. It's good to see some new competition. That being said, they were higher caliber teams with more experience from a higher division. It's the kind of thing that as a coach you like to see because they show the flaws that your team needs to work on. And now I've got all summer to dwell on it.

To be fair we were competitive early on while we had our better players in there, and we even won a coupleof matches with opportunities to win a couple more. Our team wore down though as the others had more players and fatigue began to set in.

The girls had a good time though playing in the stadium. They got free t-shirts, pizza, and autographs from some of the FC Dallas players. They also got to be in a parade before the game and see themselves on the jumbotron, which equates to being on TV in their heads. When they weren't having emotional blow ups at each other or wandering off they were having lots of fun. The parents looked worn out too, until the concession stands at the stadium opened and they were delighted to see that they could get smoothies with rum in them, margaritas, and of course beer.

Luckily I didn't lose any of the girls amidst all of the chaos and crowds of people. I had been having nightmares leading up to it that something like in the picture below was going to occur.

My BunnyPicture

In response to the Gyuss/Pokiman/Heather challenge to find the best bunny picture. I offer you this. Are you not entertained!!!!!!

Monday, May 21, 2007

Second Puberty
I've made the statement that one of the phases of puberty for a boy is when he decides to look into cologne or aftershave as part of his manly investment in himself. (disclaimer: This is not a story about my son) This is at the time is part of looking for a competitive advantage against other guys at getting the attention of girls. What could be better then having a girl compliment how good you smell? Actually, lots of things, but at the time it sounds really sexy. And truthfully most guys would kill to get any kind of compliment from a girl.

So, I realized this weekend that I must have entered a second puberty, because I found myself contemplating a scent again. I realized that the twelve year old bottle of Stetson that I got from the drug store for $9 was most likely not the best thing for me to put on myself anymore. It was time to move up, but what musky aroma should I select to announce my presence?

Unfortunately, I think the odors I carry with me most often are that of charcoal and soccer fields. I don't think my wife finds these odors to pleasent. Comments like, "you stink" and "take a couple of showers before you come to bed" can give one that impression. I don't know however what does smell good to women.

The smells I like are fresh bread, warm cookies, cappucinnos, and bacon. They don't sell these odors at the fragrance counter though. I asked. The closes I could find were some scratch and sniff stickers at the local party supply store. After a day of attaching these stickers all over my body and scratching myself furiously before I entered a room, I decided it wasn't worth it. Instead of having the desired reaction people moved away and apparently thought I had some sort of skin disease. It didn't help that it's allergy season and I kept blowing my nose and wiping my runny eyes. On more than one occasion while I was trying to release the scents from the stickers people asked me if I needed them to call an ambulance. Mall security followed me around like he was just waiting for confirmation to quarantine me from the general populace.

So I wen't back to the fragrance counter and began frustrating the clerk, because I had no idea what I wanted. I decided to start at the beginning of the alphabet with Armani, then Attitude, then on and on. By the time I got to Euphoria by Calvin Klein, I felt like I'd been huffing paint for an hour. Good and bad. Everything started to smell the same and since none of it smells natural per se, I didn't know what to go with.

I remembered my friend Big Dirty swearing by Tag Body Spray. He said it was so good that they had to put disclaimers on the commercials in case you were attacked by cheerleaders or women in the grocery store. I pointed out that I thought that was just kind of a joke in the commercials. Big Dirty said that, "Like God you just kind of have to go with it. Just in case". I asked the person at the counter if they carried it and she just laughed at me, said no but that I could get some at the drug store. Shit! I knew that wasn't a good sign. Not wanting to get laughed at anymore, I hurriedly picked the closest bottle on display and left. It had some Oriental script on the bottle, and doesn't smell like breakfast or dessert. Did I do good?

Friday, May 18, 2007

Thanks a lot Gyuss!!!

I wasn't going to post today. I've got a lot of meetings at work today and free lunches to crash, but Gyuss' post about a show on the new ABC fall schedule got me thinking. One of the new shows that is set for release is one based on the Geico caveman commercials. I personally enjoy those commercials in a sad lets laugh about discrimination kind of way, but that's because the commercial goes for about 20-30 seconds. I can't imagine watching it for 22 minutes. I don't know what kind of legs this thing has to stand on, but who knows. Maybe this will be the first good show on TV since Alf. I doubt it though.

I am glad however that they chose the Cavemen rather than Geico's animated gecko. I hate that thing. Why is he from England? Are geckos known for being British? When he comes on the TV a strong urge to kick someone overtakes me.

Before you say how stupid this idea is, remember that this isn't the first commercial that spawned a TV show. Max Headroom anyone??? That show certainly wasn't great, but I don't think it was the worst thing on at the time either.

So I got to thinking about what commercial concepts I would have liked to see made into regular TV series. I spent many seconds pondering this question and have carefully formulated my answers below.

Spuds McKenzie the ultimate party animal would be an instant hit as he drunkenly wobbled from one Seinfeld style episode to the next. Never speaking but always the stabilizing force amongst his wacky community.

Ray Charles and the Uh-Huh Girls. I don't know how many people remember this campaign, but I loved it. What could make it better?? A cartoon version in the vein of the Proud Family mixed with Powerpuff Girls. Ray and his bevy of beauties would teach us all some valuable lessons about life, love, and enduring through adversity. Of course there would be loads of singing too. Sound good? Uh huh!

Do you have a problem that needs fixing? Then just call Verizon Guy. He along with his globe covering "network" of associates will take on any adversary for a price. No job is to big. No job is to small. Much like they A-Team he is only a phone call away.

The Fantanas are four sassy kooky chicks that just want to sing their music and have a little fun. This update to the Monkees formula is improved by having natural flavoring and carbonation. Don't you wanta?

Sorry this took so long to post, but I got pulled into some de-motivating meetings at work and was just able to get back to it.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

To the Victor the Spoils

So, the soccer season is over and I've handed out most of the trophies, t-shirts, goody bags. I've still got a few people to track down in the next day or two, but for the most part I'm done. We still have one more event on Sunday, in which the girls are going to an FC Dallas professional game and get to participate in a parade of teams before the game. They also get to play some mini games in the stadium on the same field that the pros use. I'm excited as this will be the closest I ever get to being a pro myself. The girls are looking forward to the possibility of being on the jumbotron.

Still, I look forward to a short offseason in which I will try to get away from the pressure of being a head coach. It will be nice to get away from the league, the fans, and the media scrutiny for a few weeks. My registration for next season is due back to the league on June 1st. Then I begin my offseason regimen of scouting players, making recruiting visits, minicamps, etc.

One of the more ambitious soccer moms has her girl playing with another team over the summer and invited a few of the others to come to the try outs. My daughter is going today, but I've got some reservations about the whole thing. First of all this team is a year older and will be playing against competition that is also in their age group. My daughter wasn't the most physically gifted in her own age group. She shined due to equal parts skill and determination and might not match up as well at this point. Her skill level won't set her apart as much with this group and I don't know if her grit will overcome the physical limitations.

Besides the age difference this try out is to see if this team can become associated with an academy/club team. That means that once again they will be playing with/against an overall higher caliber of player then what she has been playing with so far. I think my girl is pretty good and is certainly competitive and driven, but I don't want the combination of level and age to hinder her confidence and enjoyment.

I'm also worried about what effect this is going to have on my team. All of the girls going to this including my own are expected to be back on the team in the fall, but I'm worried about what effect this will have on the girls that weren't invited. I'm afraid that this will fragment the team and pull it apart. Truthfully, the girls that weren't invited are the ones who didn't seem to have as much interest and whose parents had previously said they did not want to do summer soccer, but still I'm not sure how much that is the case. Hopefully this doesn't cause conflict amongst the team and awkwardness this weekend. I'll be holding my breath.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

I got tagged by Tera. I professed on Fringes blog how much I did not want to ever get tagged for a meme and Tera being the true friend that she is tagged me at the first available opportunity. After a kick in the crotch like that I feel like you're really part of my inner circle.
This one is more of a travel guide than a meme so that you can look at the list and say, "Hmmmm, I'm going to Kuala Lumpur on business next week, I wonder where I should go eat?" but that's ok with me.

By the way I myself have no plans at this time to go to Kuala Lumpur next week, but I'm open.

The meme:
1. Add a direct link to your post below the name of the person who tagged you. Include the city/state and country you’re in.
Nicole (Sydney, Australia)
velverse (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia)
LB (San Giovanni in Marignano, Italy)
Selba (Jakarta, Indonesia)
Olivia (London, England)
ML (Utah, USA)
Lotus (Toronto, Canada)
tanabata (Saitama, Japan)
Andi (Dallas [ish], Texas, United States)
Todd (Louisville, Kentucky, United States)
miss kendra (los angeles, california, u.s.a)
Jiggs Casey (Berkeley, CA, USA! USA! USA!)
Tits McGee (New England, USA)
Kat (Ontario, Canada)
Cheezy (London, England)
Paula (Orange County, California, U.S.)
Jeff (Colorado, USA)
Fringes (around Houston, US)
Tera (Somewhere In KY by way of OH, USA)
Dagromm (Dallas, TX, USA)

2. List your top five local eating places.
Italian Villa (Lewisville, TX) - This is a locally owned chain of two or three locations. This place is one of the best Italian places I've ever been. They have specials every week that aren't on the menu and that is what I select every time. The only time I have been disappointed is when I have ordered pizza for delivery. The toppings tend to slosh off. The last time I ordered though I brought this up and my pizza arrived pristine.
Ying's Chinese/Mexican Jalapeno Grill (Lewisville, TX) - I've thought about taking pictures of this place a thousand times. The foods ok. The service is bearable. And the prices are not completely insane. What I like is that you know what you are getting. I hate going into a Chinese food place only to find that the place is completely run by Mexican's or a Mexican food place that is completely run by White people. I'm biased that way, so sue me. This place at least tells you up front that if you like some mu shu enchiladas with stir fried refried beans then you've come to the right place.
Bone Daddy's (Richardson, TX) - If I didn't list this on here then Q and CyberD would cry foul. Bone Daddy's is our luncheon spot of choice when we get together. The food is acceptable, the prices manageable, and the service is outstanding..........looking. This is almost like eating at the buffet at the Gentleman's Club except their is no nudity and you don't go back to work smelling like cigarrettes and budussy (sp?).
Family Rice and Noodle (Richardson, TX) - I used to hate Chinese food as a kid and would complain if it ever came near us. Recently though I've grown an affinity for it. I think it has something to do with all-you-can-eat buffets. This place is great and besides the economy priced buffet which is what most the people eat, they also have a nice menu in another language which is what all of the Asian people eat from.
Rafain (Addison, TX) - This is a semi-pricey Brazillian Churascurra that is near my work. It's fancy and would definately impress a date. For those unfamiliar with the concept, patron pay a flat rate for their food and then can select as much salad/soup bar stuff as they want. Then the waiters come around the tables with spits of meat (steaks, pork loins, rack of lamb, chicken breasts, etc.) and serve you as much as you want of any of it. When vendors want to take me out to lunch to try and get my business this is where I suggest.

3. Tag 5 other people (preferably from other countries/states) and let them know they’ve been tagged.
Amanda Knight
Ajith Kumar

I don't know who the last three people are, but I hit the next blog button a few times and this is what I came up with. Enjoy!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Clean Sweep

Today is "Office Clean Up Day" at work. The idea is that everyone will go through their workspace, collect all unused office supplies, and take them to the Facilities Department. I think management has some fanciful idea that I am going to happily participate and hand back over all of the office supplies that I've carefully collected and hoarded over the last six months. I can guarantee that there is very little possibility of that.

In return, the department that hands over the most stuff will win a free pizza lunch. Ooooh fun!!!! Wow pizza!!! What a motivation!! I'm really gonna bust my ass for some pizza that I have to share with my coworkers. How come as adult professionals they try to motivate us the same way they did when we were in elementary school? A pizza party indeed!! Why not just offer us a chance to get a sticker out of the Treasure Chest?

I have decided though that since I wanted to wear jeans today and be comfy I would go ahead and throw some of the junk away that I've been keeping around my office.

Good bye corkscrew that I held onto just in case some vendor decided to send me a contraband bottle of wine. I'm turning over a new leaf and will now just bring you around holiday season.

See you later potato gun. You helped me get around that pesky "No weapons in the workplace" policy, but I think I'll just whittle a shank out of my name plate instead.

Hasta la vista random discounted chemicals. You have intimidated my boss long enough to give me job security for as long as I want it. Thank you.

Take it easy little rodent. Your companionship has grown wearisome. Your going into the trash with the rest of it.
Be gone 48x36 picture of David Hasselhoff. We shared a lot of experiences. The less said about that the better.

Take a hike picture of "girlfriend that lives in Canada". I don't think anybody really bought our relationship anyway.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Guitar Hero

This weekend my son had his first guitar performance at his music schools' concert. I got the impression from his practicing the day or so leading up to the concert that he hadn't practiced as much as he should have and was cramming before the big test.

So, Saturday evening we crammed into the room where the ten or so kids would be playing in front of assembled family, friends, and instructors. My son kicked things off with his rendition of Pachobel's Canon. Something I had been referring to as the Taco Bell Cannon for the previous week. In case you didn't know the Taco Bell Cannon is what eventually over powered the defenders of the Alamo and allowed Santa Anna to claim victory. My kids' teachers love the interesting misinformation I feed my kids. At least I think so.

Anyway they introduced him and even in the back of the room I could hear him immediately question the MC, "I thought I was going second!!!". He dropped his guitar about four times on his way up to the front to play his music and then launched into it before anyone realized he was going to start. He played a little too softly as for some reason he had decided not to plug into the amp that was there, but I could still make it out. It started off well, but as he reached the more difficult bits there were some painful stumbles. I think that he realized he should have practiced more, but we were still proud of him for testing his nerves and playing in front of a room full of people.

The other performers (all kids) varied from comical to more comical in their performances. One fourteen year old who was performing reminded me of a much younger Kyle Gass. In looks, and sound, and presence. That being said he was so into his playing of Sunshine of My Heart that he started singing along and decided to do the extended rock your socks off version. Admittedly he was a good guitar player, but the singing I could barely contain my laughter. My son didn't seem to notice though as he was in the front row throwing up the devil horns and banging his head to the music. I almost died.

In other news, it was Saint Mother's Day this weekend. A shout out to all the mamas out there. You know who you are.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Additional Info

Since my post yesterday, I've been beset with questions from people for more information and dietary advice. One of the recurring questions was for more information about Formula 50 Vitamin Water. So, for you the loyal reader I have pulled the description from the Glaceau Corporate website ( The description reads as follows:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------no love playa?
honeys bounce when you
throw bad game. try a dose of
formula 50... and lose the pimp
inspired by a certain hip, hot artist, formula 50 brings a serious
entourage of vitamins. from a bling blits at jacob the jeweler, to a
cheddar check-in with the accountants, to a party in da club...
you'll roll with 50 (per)cent of many of your daily requirements.

I hope this helps.


Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Summer Plans

Summertime is nigh upon us and you know what that means. It's time for me to shed a few pounds of winter weight and get the body ready to put on display at the local swimming pool (disclaimer: by swimming pool I mean any place where I have an excuse to take my shirt off). Those who know me will tell you that I don't go in for fad diets or fad anything really. I'm to level headed for that. Sure I've got 20 inch rims on my car and wear my flossed out grill when I'm not at work. I've been known to sag my pants to my knees while wearing my over sized Lakers jersey and carry my Snoop Dogg approved pimp cup. Those things are classic though.

So when it comes to trimming down I don't jump on board with fad things like the Atkins diet or South Beach diet. I don't sign up for Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig. I'm not a follower. I'm an innovator. I realize there might be others out there that also need to drop a few pounds quickly, so I'm sharing my Super Secret Massively Effective Diet and exercise plan with you. For the next two weeks and further if needed I will only consume things on the SSMED's Approved Food List.

SSMED's Approved List
Formula 50 Vitamin Water
Sweet Tarts
Flintstones Complete Multi-Vitamins
Red Bull

In addition to this rigid diet I will maintain a strict exercise schedule. The schedule is listed below.

Monday, Wednesday, Friday--30 Minutes--Rock My Hips
Tuesday, Thursday--30 Minutes--Shake My Skittles
Saturday--60 Minutes--Pop, Lock, and Drop It
Sundays are a rest day to let my body recover.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Big Announcement!!!

Dear Blog World,

This note will mark the 200th post on The House of Dagromm. I haven't gotten official word from the Guinness Book yet, but I believe this to be a world record.

Since the record checking department can take several weeks to verify peoples' accomplishments and I believe it just to be a formality, I would like to go ahead and say a few words of thanks for those who made it all possible.

First of all I have to thank God. Without you I could never have achieved everything in my life. You give me guidance and inspiration.

I'd also like to thank my darling wife. You have stood beside me, or behind me, or near me, or some times you sit down, and sometimes it's in a completely seperate room while you watch TV; but through it all I know that you've wanted what is best for me and my blog.

Next, I'd like to thank Allah. I'm not sure if you really exist, but if you do then I couldn't have done this without you either. I appreciate you not having any of your followers declare Jihad on me. I throw big ups and mad respect your way.

My family, I love all of you. Really. I know I don't visit, or call, or write but I do care...from a distance.

To Cyberman, Q, Gyuss, and all of the friends I've made in the blog community, don't feel that this makes me a better blogger than you. Instead I open my doors to you to draw inspiration from me and all that I have accomplished. You're welcome.

I'd also like to thank Jewish God. You're a lot like Christian God, which makes you ok in my book. While I'm at it, I'd also like to thank Brahman, Buddha, L. Ron Hubbard, and Thor. I'm not sure what part any of you played in all of this, but I like to cover my bases.

Last, but not least, I'd like to thank all of my loyal fans out there. To you, the silent masses that may not speak out on the comments section, I give my sincerest of thanks. Without your support this blog would not have become the record breaking blog it is.

Yours Truly,

Monday, May 07, 2007

Nemesis Confrontation

My daughter's soccer team had their last game of the season on Saturday. It was against the team that happened to be the first team they played last season. That game included lots of poor sportsmanship on the part of the other team. Name calling, pushing, hitting, scratching, and hair pulling. It was the worst I've ever seen in any sport at any level.
For a newly formed team of girls, many of which had never played competitive sports before it left an imprint. None of our girls had forgotten this team. So entering into this last game there was lots of excitement to finally face them again. My own daughter has been obsessed with this game for two months now. So, it was a mixed feeling of excitement and trepidation when they finally took the field.

It was a good game from start to finish. We had the first foul called on us as one of our girls showed one of their girls to the ground very quickly. It wasn't dirty and I don't think should have been called, but it did set the tone that we weren't going to be pushed around this time. The other team scored first thanks to a run by a very speedy girl, but our team didn't give up and scored the next two goals. One of our goals was by a girl that hadn't scored all season. I was thrilled to see her score, because I had been telling her parents all season that she had the skill to do it. In the second half she scored again and she was all a glow.

Our opposition almost immediately answered and tied the game up. It was back and forth with both teams having some opportunities and we went into the final quarter of play up 5-4.

I was tense as I needed to shift some girls around to make sure they all got equal playing time. My daughter finally scored the game clinching goal with a few minutes left to play. She was great and really fun to watch that day, because she was not going to be denied. In that last quarter she was our entire offense. Every time that we had the ball on their end was because she got it down there. I've said several times that she is not the fastest or strongest girl out there. She does it on sheer force of will. It's really cool. There were times where she would have three opponents grabbing and kicking at her and she would still progress the ball down field. She finally got a one on one opportunity with their best defender. As soon as I saw the defender stand back to try to block the shot, I knew it was going in. I would have bet money on it. Finally my daughter had what she had wanted ever since their first game against each other last season. She had slayed that dragon.

Friday, May 04, 2007

The Rift Grows

I have to say that things are as I had suspected. In-fighting, distrust, and power struggles have over taken our small group. I find as the Quad continues to fragment that I am left as the voice of reason to try and hold things together. Relationships are not as easily mended though as dinner plates, and when they are being thrown at others across the kitchen of the internet, I am left to wonder whether the super glue of love is strong enough to hold it together. I offer up the e-mail transaction from yesterday as proof. Once again the edits are in red.

From: Gyuss Baltaar
Sent: Thursday, May 03, 2007 8:53 AM
To: Dagromm; Q
Subject: Driving CyberD nuts

Ok, for the next week, no one uses the word "CyberD" on the blogs. It's Cyberman at ever reference.

He made such a big deal about changing it, we don't use it for a week and see if he notices.

From: Cyber D
Sent: Thursday, May 03, 2007 11:31 AM
To: Dagromm
Subject: I'm not blind

Don’t think that I don’t see what you M-Fers are doing!!! You people whip my ass!!!!!!!!!!!

Cyber D

From: Dagromm
Sent: Thursday, May 03, 2007 11:35 AM
To: Cyber D
Subject: RE: I'm not blind

It wasn't my call

From: Cyber D
Sent: Thursday, May 03, 2007 11:39 AM
To: Dagromm
Subject: RE: I'm not blind

So who’s call was it?

Cyber D

From: Dagromm
Sent: Thursday, May 03, 2007 11:39 AM
To: Cyber D
Subject: RE: I'm not blind

I don't rat out my friends!!!!!!

on e-mail. Call me.

I don't lnow how much more our little group can take or how much longer I have the strength to try and keep us together. You'll notice that even through it all I never outed Gyuss as the ring leader of this plan. I will always be a good friend like that.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

The Dance of Life

I don't know if I've broken this news to everyone, and I'm fairly certain that I haven't, but my 11 year old son is taking dance lessons. We started him in it at the beginning of the school year since he needed some sort of exercise and hadn't picked anything for himself. He didn't want anyone to know initially, so I kept his secret so as to avoid any embarrassment that he might have about it. He has wanted to drop it a number of times, but we the parents have made him stay in.

One of the good things about being a male dancer is that the studios are so starved for boys in their classes that they can take as many classes as they like for the price of one. So besides the "required" ballet, tap, jazz, my son has also taken a hip hop class and an all boys (exercise) class. At the beginning of the calendar year I gave my son the chance to drop out. I told him that he had done it long enough to satisfy us and that if he wanted to quit now or ever then it was his decision. He thought about it for a while and decided that he had done it this long and wanted to see how much further he could go. I have to admit I was surprised. I had already made plans for that additional money every month, but oh well.

Since then he has been in a better mood about going and has even decided to be in the recital next month. He did not want to do the ballet routine, but did want to do tap and was asked to be in the performance of another class. Since their doing "Batdance" he was on board. He even gets to dress up as a villain and probably get his ass kicked by Batman.

This all being said, I was in the dance studio waiting for my son's practice with the Batman group to end when BIG weather hit last night. Tornado sirens were going off, rain was flying horizontally, and the power went out for a ten/fifteen minutes. The younger kids were getting fairly worried and I started thinking about how I was going to have to rebuild this land as one of the only survivors with the help of the dance instructors. It was pretty great. My son apparently had the same idea as he had spotted and started chatting up one of the moms. A very hot mom. I embarrassedly pulled him away from her and explained the process of calling dibs to him.

Some lessons don't get learned as quickly as others though and I had to pull him away from her about five more times before the weather let up enough for us to head home. She seemed to get a kick out of it, but I don't think it was right of her to use him to get to me. I'm not that kind of dad.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

A Rift in the Quad???

It's come to my attention that there might be some plotting going on by some in my group of "friends" to my detriment. There have been phone calls, e-mails, and secret rendezvous. I sniffed one out last week and called Cyber D on it. Below is a true and real e-mail exchange between us. I have marked the parts that have been edited in red, which are just our names and e-mail addresses.

From: Cyber D
Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2007 1:53 PM
To: Dagromm
Subject: Avatar talk

So I’m thinking about embracing the CyberD persona. I’ve fought it for a year but it’s catching on like wild-fire damn it! So much so that I don’t think anybody in blog-country refers to me as cyberman. Don’t get me wrong, I actually think cyberd is more creative than cyberman. It also has a phallic connotation as anytime one uses the letter D by itself it draws certain conclusions. I just wasn’t the one to come up with it first. But here in lies the rub… assuming I could change my avatar name, and if I did… would it loose the luster for folks like Q… or has it already generated a certain amount of momentum that goes beyond any one person?

Cyber D
From: Dagromm
Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2007 1:55 PM
To: Cyber D
Subject: RE: Avatar talk

Wow!!!! And I thought I was bored. You've created a whole little world to live in.

Change it. Please.
From: Cyber D
Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2007 1:58 PM
To: Dagromm
Subject: RE: Avatar talk

Yeah… my boss is out of town this week and my entire job is basically waiting for him to approve my donor list. Until then I got nothing to do… don’t get me wrong, I could totally create some work… but it wouldn’t be mission critical stuff. So I’m content to sit here and blog… I suppose I should write. So you think I should change it?

Cyber D
From: Dagromm
Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2007 1:58 PM
To: Cyber D
Subject: RE: Avatar talk

Yes gawdammit!!!!!!! And post something on your blog
From: Cyber D
Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2007 2:01 PM
To: Dagromm
Subject: RE: Avatar talk

I did, mother Fer!!!!!!!! So go refresh your damn browser why don’t you!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I just may change it but it’s going to include an entire post dedicated to the change so I’m not doing it yet.

Cyber D
From: Dagromm
Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2007 2:01 PM
To: Cyber D
Subject: RE: Avatar talk

Thank you Lord Baby Jesus!!!
From: Cyber D
Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2007 2:03 PM
To: Dagromm
Subject: RE: Avatar talk

You’re welcome, Holy Baby Jesus Santa

Cyber D
From: Dagromm
Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2007 2:04 PM
To: Cyber D
Subject: RE: Avatar talk

So why didn't you invite me to Bone Daddy's with you and Q?
From: Cyber D
Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2007 2:05 PM
To: Dagromm
Subject: RE: Avatar talk

It wasn’t confirmed yet. Can you come?

Cyber D
From: Dagromm
Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2007 2:06 PM
To: Cyber D
Subject: RE: Avatar talk

I'm coming right now. YYYEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!
From: Cyber D
Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2007 2:08 PM
To: Dagromm
Subject: RE: Avatar talk

No, Tater-nuts… can you join us for lunch?

Cyber D
From: Dagromm
Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2007 2:08 PM
To: Cyber D
Subject: RE: Avatar talk

IFFFFFFFFFFFFFF I'm invited I could probably make time.
From: Cyber D
Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2007 2:11 PM
To: Dagromm
Subject: RE: Avatar talk

Holy Mary Mother of…. You’re INVITED!!!!!!! Friday. I don’t know what f-ing time but Friday.

Cyber D

Note three things 1) That we actually do refer to "Q" as "Q" amongst ourselves 2) Cyber D likes to sign his name A LOT and 3)How I totally impose my will on Cyber D to get invited to lunch.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Weekend Update

The weekend kicked off with lunch on Friday with Q and CyberD. We used to go to a hamburger place that we all liked, but Q refuses to go there anymore since they changed their uniforms away from Bikini Tues/Thurs and School Girl Wed. Our new place is similar to the old place, but the uniforms aren't quite as good and it's a little more expensive. I forgot the rule of going to eat with the guys which is to be the first in line to be seated. That meant that I was sitting across from the other two in the booth. I with a view of the window. Them with a view of all the passing waitresses. We had a cute waitress and quickly established a good repartee with her, at least until she brought us our drinks. As she approached the table CyberD shouted at her for seemingly no reason, "I'm really not a prick!!!". Q, the waitress, and I were stunned. There was a moment of awkwardness and then she said, "Okay". Later she caught Q staring when she was stretching out her back and busted him on it. We had some other weird conversation with her about Q working a corner in some stilettos and how our waitress spends 30 hours a week partying.

Saturday brought my weekly coaching gig. The girls' soccer team played a game that was the opposite of the game they played the week prior. This time we had a terrible first half and a spectacular second half. We were losing 6-1 at half time and I let the girls get their drinks and their snacks then I pulled them away from their parents and gave them a talking to. This made my wife very nervous as she could tell that I was more than a little agitated by the lack of effort I had seen. Anyway, I told the girls not to repeat what I told them otherwise their mothers would be eaten by rats at night. It really had an impact. The girls came back strong and won the game 8-7. My daughter got four goals and has been in "the zone" the last three games or so. One game left this weekend with a chance to finish with a winning record. We're 5-4 at the moment.

I had hoped to have a special guest by the house Saturday evening, but plans were changed a couple of times and eventually I was stood up. No big deal. Sure we'd cleaned up the house all night, shampooed the carpets, washed the children, grilled salmon, potatos, zucchini with a spicy chipotle/tomato sauce, and made homemade chocolate chip cookies for dessert. Like I said, no big deal. I wasn't upset but in a slight moment of disappointment and frustration I grabbed all the food, threw it on the newly cleaned floor, then jumped up and down on it. Then I went out into the street and yelled at all of my neighbors for thinking they are so superior.

I finished the weekend on a high as Q and I did fairly well at the track on Sunday. We won early and then again on the last race. In between winning we ate, watched the draft and laughed a lot. We both left with a little extra money in our pockets. When we returned to my house I gave a hasty excuse that it was best if he didn't come in because we hadn't cleaned up and that my neighbors were assholes.