Friday, March 13, 2009

Hoop Dreams

March Madness is upon us and a quick review of my previous posts has concluded that I have never written about my foray into semi-professional basketball with Cyber D and Q. A couple of years back we decided as a cohesive unit to enter the regional Hoop It Up tournament. Cyber D had been working out and Q had been hitting the weight room. I myself am a renowned athlete (if you've ever been to North Texas you've probably heard) so we entered the highest level group figuring it would only be fair.

So it happened on a sweltering (105 degrees!!) Texas summer day we all met up in the West End section of downtown Dallas prepared to dominate the competition. We attracted quite a few looks at registration, but that tends to happen when people are intimidated. After getting checked in we still had some time before out first game so we headed to the Spaghetti Warehouse for some carbs drenched in alfredo sauce to give us energy through out the day. Afterwards Cyber D was still feeling parched so we stopped by Dick's on the way to the playing area. Cyber D fronted for some margaritas and shrimp cocktails. Cyber D does everything better after a few margaritas. Everything.

At 12:15 pm we headed to court #5 to meet our first opponent. We checked in with the officials and locked eyes with our enemy. Introductions were made and went thus:

Douchebag #1: Hey, I'm Phil. This is Tyreke and this is Steve. Pretty hot out here, huh? I hope you hydrated.

Daggs: Don't worry about us miscreant!!! I almost pity you for having to face my wrath on this day! My friends and family call me by name, but in basketball I am widely know as the Earl of Dunkington for my vicious dunks!!! (The recently passed legislation, Truth in Declarative Statements Act of 2009, compels me to disclose that I have been known to throw down some vicious dunks-windmills, 360's, tomahawks, etc-but they have mainly been after jumping off my best friend's bed and slamming on the nerf hoop hanging from his door. In our two man nerf league I am called the Earl of Dunkington by at least half the league)

Q: People call me P.C. for People's Court, because when I preside over the court the verdict is victory!! (much hi-fiving between the three of us) (Once again the Truth in Declarative Statements Act of 2009 requires me to admit that where-as Cyber D and I have called him a "P" and a "C" neither of those stand for the words "People's" or "Court")

Cyber D: And I am called the Horse's Tail, 'cause once I find the range it's nothing but swish, swish, swish. (this is accented by his miming a very limp wristed jump shot repeatedly) (The TDSA of 2009 would have me mention that Q and I have asked Cyber D not to do this at the basketball court numerous times. We have also encouraged a new nick name)

To make a long story short we left the tournament shortly after. We did learn a few things that we did not know before hand.
1) It turns out that a lighter meal would have been better on such a hot day. Three minutes in to the game stomachs were churning. Eight minutes in stomachs were emptied.
2) They don't allow you to bring a bed to jump off of to perform your vicious dunks. There was nothing about that on the website. That was a lot of extra manual labor that was wasted.
3) Costumes do not earn you extra points from the "judges". Q said that he had heard that they would, but they didn't. We had all dressed like our namesakes. Me in a 14th century courtiers costume, Q was wearing a judges robes and powdered wig, Cyber D was in a half of a horse costume. He looked like Pan.