Friday, December 29, 2006

Gyuss Baltaar and His Top Military Officials Surrender
Today the House of Dagromm has accepted the official surrender of Gyuss Baltaar. Here is pictured the last of Gyuss' cabinet about to surrender their weapons. With all of the House of Dagromm centered on one enemy a quick resolution is anticipated.
The Q's Trail is Not That Hard to Follow

Field scouts are getting closer to finding the current hiding spot of the Q/Gyuss tandem of evil. Ever since their respective headquarters were overrun last week they have been on the lamb, moving from one safe house to another. Normally this might make it difficult to find an adversary, but in this case our team of experts have identified evidence that makes their trail quite distinctive. We are not going to disclose what this evidence is as we don't want to tip our hand to the enemy, but the attached photo is some sort of clue for the curious.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

All Aboard Dagromm's Freedom Bus!!
Always on the lookout for new ways to inspire the troops in their riteous quest to exterminate evil (The Corner of the Q & The Cave of Gyuss) from the world the forces of good have unveiled their newest weapon, the Freedom Bus. The Freedom Bus was masterfully designed and crafted by the sharpest mechanical minds of West Virginia. It has the ability to accerate from 0-60 in 4.2 seconds, can demolish a 93 Crown Victoria, and has a leather interior. Already a tour with Big Foot is planned with stops in Charlotte, N.C.; Darlington, S.C.; Martinsville, VA; and Mobile AL. All who want to promote a better way of life and fend off the moral decay are welcome to take a ride on the Freedom Bus!
Assassination Attempt Foiled!!!

This afternoon an assassination attempt was foiled when the forces of QGy sent a not so subtle Tara Reid bomb into the House of Dagromm trying to end the world's bid for freedom. The ruse was quickly uncovered (as is the real Tara Reid) and was subdued with copious amounts of cocaine and alcohol.
Photo of the poorly thought out Tara Reid bomb
Irresponsible Leaders Upset Their Armed Forces

The military of Gyuss and the Q have let it be know thatr they are upset with the way their leadership is approaching the war. Allegations range from misuse of military resources to an apathetic approach for the people that are putting their lives on the line everyday for some misbegotten cause. A few examples of the problems that are surfacing are:

Using miltary jets for local advertising to scrounge up more gambling money for the evil dictators:

The use of armored support to harvest the Q's personal heroin crop:

Probably most damaging of all was a photo that Gyuss had taken of his recent trip to California:

The Q's Secret Army!!

Our worldwide network of allies has infiltrated the dark innerworkings of the Q/Gyuss sanctum santorum to find that they have unbeknownst the rest of the world been developing a sleeper army around the world. This secret army is composed of the Q's most fervent supporters in his quest for world destruction and inhabits the rural pasteur of many nations. That's right the Q/Gyuss team has called upon their natural allies the mindless sheep of the world to reign death and terror upon all freedom loving people. God help us all.
Open Letter to the Q and Gyuss

Q's Soldiers Woefully Outmatched
Say "We Kind of Rushed Into This"

Recent events have shown that the Q and his lover/ally Gyuss have bitten off more than they can chew as reports come in one after the other of their troops defeats. One captured enemy commander from Q's Armored Cavalry reports that "We kind of rushed into this. I mean we didn't have any training or anything!!! We would probably be a lot more effective if we at least had the manuals to these things. Instead we bought them second hand". Asked about his outlook for the coming days he said, "We're screwed. Thanks for nothing Q!"

Photos from the front lines seem to confirm what this one enemy officer said and confirm earlier reports that the axis of evil was having trouble recruiting competent soldiers.

Allied Forces Bring Down Another Disturbing Q Monument

The Q/Gyuss insurgent movement is losing ground at an imoressive rate. Around the globe their compounds and hidden cells of radical loyalists are being defeated. And with each victory by our good service men and women we find more monuments that Q has erected to suit his own vile compulsions. We have worked tirelessly and will continue to do so to end the madness and terror that is our enemy.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Q "Claims" Victory!!!

In another disturbing turn of events the fascist Q's Corner group has recently claimed victory for moving forward with their threat to kill Santa Clause. Because the children of the world united in the single cause to stop the Q and not join his minions, the Q made it his sole objective to eliminate the holiday hero. Although there has been no verification of this claim as of yet, this photo was released to the media just hours ago. The world clamors for this unholy alliance to be brought to justice, or at least brutally murdered.
Q Promotes New Child Slavery Super Store

The evilness of Q knows no bounds as he has recently begun heavily promoting his chain of child slavery mega stores also known as Q-Marts. Although the stores have come under heavy criticism, Q defends the retail outlets. In answer to protesters Q was heard to say that, "Sure 4th quarter earnings were a little disappointing, but we have big things coming in 2007. We saw positive growth with our online services and our Asian outlets are booming". This truly dispicable response has strengthened our resolve to finish this advocate of malevolence.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Enemy Leaders Caught on Tape

Our ever active network of covert operatives recently recorded the following conversation between the Q and Gyuss Baltaar with their highest ranking generals as they were sent reeling by the previous week's military activity. As can be seen they were not prepared for the onslaught that was brought upon them. What follows is a transcript from that conversation.

Q-Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast.

Gyuss- It jumped up a notch.

Q- It did, didn't it?

General Brick-Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.

Q-I saw that.Brick killed a guy.

Gyuss- Did you throw a trident?

General Brick- Yeah.There were horses and a man on fire and I killed a guy with a trident.

Q-I've been meaning to talk to you about that. Find yourself a safe house or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder. I'm proud of you fellas. You kept your head on a swivel.

And it better stay on a swivel deviants, because a mercilous justice machine is coming after you!

Friday, December 22, 2006

The Gloves Are Off!!!!
The House of Dagromm and the Wheel are unleashing their ultimate weapon. Both Blog powers stating that they had hoped it wouldn't come to this, but they had been left with little choice. The inevitable conclusion is coming with the release of Chuck Norris from the cryogenic chamber which he has been kept for the saftey of the world. Look in fear Q and Gyuss! Death is coming for you, and he wears a black hat!

Troops Find Cave of Gyuss
Say "It's Not That Impressive"

Acting on intelligence reports that the Cave of Gyuss the Baleful was really "just around the block" from the Corner of the Q troops found and siezed the infamous cave. After a quick look inside they were disappointed to find that it was really very little more than a hole in the graound and probably didn't even really qualify as a cave. "Maybe for like a five year old it's some mysterious cave. For an adult it's just kind of pathetic," said intrepid scout K. Garoo (pictured). When asked if they could be sure that it was in fact the correct cave they pointed to the dog eared autobiographies of Rush Limbaugh and Dan Quale that littered the floor, as well as the parachute that appeared to have been used as a sleeping bag

The Q's Corner Has Been Found!!!!

It can now be confirmed that the base of operation for the self appointed master of evil and degradation known as the Q has been located. These photos taken by our spy network shows what poor shape the Q is actually in. Actions are already underway to close down the Corner and locate the Cave of Guy Ass Ball Tar.

The House of Cyberteam Unveil Three Point Plan for Victory

In a closed door summit with world leaders and tacticians earlier today the heads of both the House of Dagromm and Cyberman outlined their strategy for certain victory. After analyzing the enemies weaknesses and strengths(?) they developed a three tiered plan that will go into effect as early as today. As can be seen from the diagram below every contingency is flawlessly covered. After the announcement heads of state and leaders of nation bowed their heads in awe of what was later called by audience members, "the perfect plan".

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Casualties Soar!!!

As this unprecedented war (B-Dub 1) continues the toll it takes on the fighting forces mounts. Already the evil axis has lost 13,524 bloodthirsty killers to their unriteous cause. Combined with the losses of CyberD and our own House of Dagromm that brings the total loss of life to 13,525. While his soldiers suffer and die the Q refuses to assist and instead spends his time hobnobbing at social functions.

Photo of Cemetary of Enemy Losses in This War

Photo of Cemetary of Combined Losses of Dagromm and CyberD

Why The Hell Didn't Anybody Tell Us About This???

Apparently there is a Q in Qatar too? Whatever Qatar is. Well that's fine we've already sent out a contingent of soldiers to discover whether any threat exists there. It's in the middle east so y'know there probably is. I'm not sayin'...I'm just sayin'. Odds are...
Allied Forces of Cyberman and Dagromm Break Through Vegas Lines

After much fighting, the expected happened and the Allied Forces of Good were able to break through the malicious combined forces of the Q and Gyuss to retake the city of Las Vegas. Unfortunately, it was too late to save the brothels in which the cowardly had taken refuge. All that was left was shallow graves filled with the bodies of the ladies that had been working at the time. This as all know is the mark of the Q.

The Stars Come Out In a Show of Support for Dagromm

Hollywood has spoken and they are showing unprecedented support for the War on Q. Activity is mounting as shows are being scheduled to entertain our fighting men and women overseas. Already slated are superstars Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Paulie Shore. Actress/Singer/War Advocate Jessica Simpson spoke to a crowd recently recanting her one encounter with the Q many years ago. She held back tears while giving a moving speech about the verbal and emotional abuse that he beset upon her. Then she also spoke to "the many atrocities that he has enacted on her likeness" on multiple occasions. She ended the speech signaling victory to rapturous applause.
The School for Combat Ready Evil Warriors for the Q (S.C.R.E.W. Q) faces diminishing numbers
Recent reports show that the tyrant is quickly losing favor with the people and his ability to recruit and train subservient lapdogs is at the brink of crisis. This picture shows a recent gathering of the despots trainees and the confusion that has become the "Corner". This is joyful news to the rest of the world with citizens around the globe celebrating and gloating. One cheerful man in Bahrain was heard to say, "Whose Bad?" and telling Q to, "just beat it". The people have spoken.
Spies Uncover Q's Plans for Army of Evil!

Recently undercover spies brought truly frightening pictures of Q's designs to construct an army of a diabolical nature. This computer generated simulation shows his plans outside of what is purported to be the "Corner of the Q". Already tacticians within the House have begun to devise counter strategies including the development of a super cannon.

Intelligence Reports on Q Stronghold

Thanks to the efforts of our international network of spies and informants we can now report that we are close to finding the exact position of the "Corner of the Q". Numerous tips have been received pointing out that the most well known Q in the world is in "Iraq". Upon further inspection of our various maps and globes we have confirmed that there is a Q in Iraq. Could this be a coincidence? Probably... NOT! Even now special forces are closing in. Q, your reign of vileness has come to an end!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

The Q Brings Children Into The Battle

Proving what a scurrilous scoundrel he actually is the Q has started forcing children to try to wage his war. Reports are that Q has threatened to assassinate Santa Clause if the children did not take arms for his diabolical cause. Already the streets are lined with children mourning the promised execution that Q has brought upon them.
Update From the Front Lines
Soldiers laughingly say, "Q's Army Is a Joke"

Imbedded reporters with a division of The House's First Infantry say that spirits are high as soldiers find their opposition to be woefully outmatched. First Lieutenant D. Dutch says that, "apparently if they're not pushing around little girls for their lunchmoney or senior citizens for their retirement they're not too tough. Ha ha. Seriously, I'm not even sure they know how to use those guns". Even with the unprecedented success of the first few hours no one is getting over confident. They know that the Q's rise to such heights of evil does not allow for them to take the matter lightly.
Ground Troops Are Closing In On The Nefarious Q HQ

Early reports show that ground troops and scouts have been extremely successful in taking out Q cells in their many forms and hiding places. The extensive mission is covering every dark wooded forest, Godforsaken swamp, and under every slimey rock for the perpetrator of these serious crimes. Our highly trained soldiers are more than willing to go the distance to see this evil undone.

It Has Begun!

In the time it has taken for the world to react to the oppressive regime of the Q countless people have been victimized to suit his evil pleasure. The House of Dagromm will stand for it no longer. Even now troops are being mobilized to take immediate action. The Speaker of the House of Dagromm in a statement to media today said, "We vow to seek out the perpetrator of these crimes against the world. We will hunt him down no matter where he hides. Q, justice is coming for you, and it's coming with a vengeance".

Preparations Are Being Made

Consider this a warning to the entire Blog World that we are stockpiling supplies and preparing ourselves for a long overdue Blog War with the Q. After his most recent usurpation of the creative rights to the term "Blogment" we at the House feel this is our only recourse. Even now warehouses are being filled with Blogaganda materials that will be distributed should the Q not come to his senses. It will not be pretty and he has been warned that no amount of UN pressure will stop us from seeking justice.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Secret Santa

I tried to tell CyberD about this over the phone yesterday, but his network hates him so much that we continuously got dropped. After about a half dozen times we gave up and I drove my car into a retaining wall. I was trying to relate to him the conversation my wife and I had just had that I thought was funny, but she did not.

Mrs. Dagromm: We're doing a secret santa at the office and I have to go out and find something to get for $20. Any ideas?

Me: Why don't you get a bra?

Mrs. Dagromm: Because I don't want to get fired.

Me: How would you get fired? It's a secret santa.

Mrs. Dagromm: But when everybody starts claiming the gifts, I'll be the one stuck with the bra.

Me (misunderstanding): Make sure you get your size then.

Me (now comprehending that she meant in an investigation): Oh, just say you didn't know what you brought, because you sent your husband out to get the gift for you. He must have misunderstood.

Mrs. Dagromm: Goodbye.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Actual Conversation I Overheard, For Real

A little while back, me and my buddy Big Dirty were playing some frisbee golf at the park. While out there we happened upon a group of teenage girls who had gathered at the pavilion to hang out. This is what Big Dirty thought was a subtle way to make his moves:

Big Dirty: Hey, what's goin' on? Y'all havin' a party?

Teenage Girl: Uhmmm. We're just hanging out.

Big Dirty: Yeah, I love to party too. When I was in high school, which was just a few years ago, I must of partied like all the time.


Big Dirty: So are y'all drinking some beers and stuff? Don't worry, I won't say anything. Of course I'm old enough to buy beer now. It's pretty cool. I can get all the beer I want when it's time to party!! So let me know if you start running low.

Teenage Girl (tentatively): Thanks...we'll let you know if we need anything.

Big Dirty: We should all hang out some time. I have some awesome parties. I've got my own place so I don't have to ask permission or anything. I can even party during weekdays. Since we're friends you can use it sometime if you need a place.

Silence and the girls nervously look around

Big Dirty: So, who here likes My Space?

More silence.

Big Dirty: I've been on it for a while now. I'm linked to all sorts of people. Like the drummer for Nickelback. He's one of my best My Space friends. Y'all should give me your pages so we can all link up. Do any of you own webcams?

Really uncomfortable silence

Big Dirty: I've got some extras if you need one. That way we could totally party on line. It'll be awesome. I don't invite everybody to my parties so don't go telling everybody. I don't want girls with bad self esteem killing themselves or anything(motions not so subtley at goth girl). That's not cool. In fact if any of you girls have really bad self esteem you are completely invited to come to my place. Right now even.

Massive, oppressive silence

Big Dirty: Or later, whatever. I know you're thinking about it and I'm cool with that.

Big Dirty: You know what else is so great about high school? Doing whatever you can to buck the system. Am I right? Yeah, I know, I never listened to what "adults" thought I should and shouldn't do. It's all about finding out for yourself. That's what's so great about having a place you can go. You know like my place. You can do like, whatever there and it's totally cool.

Big Dirty: Who here likes to watch The Real World? Man I love that show!! MTV right? It's awesome. Wouldn't that be cool to like just live with a bunch of people that're our age in an apartment or something? With a video camera? That would be totally rad.

Big Dirty: Did I mention I have a video camera?

It turns out we had arrived just as the party was ending though and the girls left shortly after. BD seemed to think he'd made a good impression. I was just glad that I had never ventured near enough to be associated with.

Friday, December 08, 2006

HR is my life!!!

I like to spend about 15% of my time doing HR work and the other 85% of the time pursuing personal interests. Now what HR work consists of differs from company to company, but normally it involves one of a few different aspects. Involving yourself in hiring, training, benefits administration, employee files, employee relations, and coaching managers because seriously a lot of managers have their heads up their asses and have no idea how they come off to their employees. It can also involve inviting yourself to other departments happy hours and pot lucks without actually contributing anything. That's what I focus on the most.
Self Evaluation

I recently had to complete my self evaluation for work. For those of you in the Blog Universe that are unfamiliar with the concept, it comes around once a year when managers are supposed to give their direct reports performance appraisals. It makes things easier on the manager because you're basically going to do all the research on whether you hit your target numbers. Well in my case I wasn't even given my target numbers until two days before hand. Astoundingly enough, not only did I hit all my targets I far exceeded every one of them!!! According to my research at least, and the flawed statistics that we've kept, and my math (I'm not paid to be an accountant so you can't fault me!!!). I spent all of yesterday at the office working on it, except for the time spent blogging and reading blogs and of course going to lunch, and doing a little internet shopping, and sports reading. By the end of the day I was exhausted. Putting so much effort into letting my manager know how invaluable I am is really tiring. So, I'll probably blow off today too.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Sit Com Idea

I first heard the term, "jumping the shark" on the radio about five or six years ago and from the moment I heard it, I knew exactly what it meant. It's a reference to an old episode of Happy Days where after running out of ideas for what to do next, the writers had the Fonze test his cool by doing a ski jump over a shark tank. This comes after episodes in which Arthur Fonzerelli had already done motorcycle jumps over cars, demolition derbies, and rumbles with gangs, kung fu experts, and an alien (remember Mork). Since the common complaint is that Hollywood doesn't ever have new ideas I feel that we should embrace our own unoriginality and really run with it. In it we would follow a typical American family and their wacky neighbor as they encounter all sorts of odd hijinx. Every episode would shamelessly force in every trite T.V. fallback idea and play it up in the campiest tongue in cheek way. To set the precedent we would have a character literally jump a shark in the very first episode. In the second episode, uh oh Donnie's got amnesia!!!! The third episode "We're having a baby!!!". The fourth epsiode the baby is now inexplicably five years old and doesn't he say the cutest things. The fifth episode Janie's got a boyfriend, and she's thinking about...kissing!!! The sixth episode Donnie finds out it's not cool to fall a victim of peer pressure, also the youngest kid has now inexplicably dissapeared. I was tired of him.
Let me know what you think blog world. I think it could be genius! If it anybody would like to buy this idea from me then I'd be glad to sell it.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Movie Reviews

A Prairie Home Companion

This movie had a few chuckles but ultimately left me wondering why it was made. I've heard some people complain that nothing happens in episodes of Seinfeld. Well this movie makes Seinfeld look like The Marine so little happens. It meanders and scenes happen for seemingly no reason. Since Robert Altman recently died I will give this movie an A-.

The Illusionist

The Illusionist is based off a short story and watches like one. It is deceptive in it makes you think there is more depth to the movie than there really is. In the end though I found myself asking, "Is that it?". It does have Jessica Biel in it, whom I believe to be overrated, so I have to give this movie an A-.

The Fountain

There's a lot of different things going on in this movie which makes it hard to explain in a blog format so instead I will transcribe my thoughts at different junctures during the movie.
5 minutes-What the F?
10 minutes-huh?
15 minutes-Crap, I could've been watching Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny, or Stranger Than Fiction, or Happy Feet, or The Prestige, or Saw III, or ....
25 minutes-...or Borat, or Flushed Away, or The Guardian, or Santa Clause III: The Escape Clause, or Deck the Halls, or....
40 minutes-I wish Wolverine would hurry up and kill some people.
50 minutes-I'm not getting any if I leave this thing. I gotta be good through this to earn the panty points.
55 minutes-All out of popcorn?!?? Damn, I should have gotten a hotdog, or nachos, or a Nestle Crunch, or Twizzlers, or M&M's, or Gummi Bears, or ....
1 hour-...or Junior Mints, or Raisinets, or malt balls, or chocolate covered almonds, or a pickle, a movie meal wouldn't have been bad, or a Hot Tamales, or Goobers, or Sour Patch Kids, or...
1 hour 5 minutes-I wonder if there are any good looking girls in this theater.
1 hour 10 minutes-Nope.
1 hour 20 minutes-That's a lot of snow. Maybe Sabertooth is going to show up. Or Lady Deathstrike, or Pyro, or Magneto...
1 hour 25 minutes-...or Mystique, or Juggernaut, or Callisto, or Phoenix, or Toad, or ...
1 hour 30 minutes-Oh God!! Was I snoring??? Gotta hold it together. I've almost made it. Maybe I can do some jumping jacks in the back of the theater without anyone noticing. Panty points. Panty points.
1 hour 35 minutes-Damn, it's quiet leaving this theater. I hope she doesn't ask me what I thought of the movie.

The special effects were ok, but it needed more action scenes. I give it an A-.