Monday, December 11, 2006

Actual Conversation I Overheard, For Real

A little while back, me and my buddy Big Dirty were playing some frisbee golf at the park. While out there we happened upon a group of teenage girls who had gathered at the pavilion to hang out. This is what Big Dirty thought was a subtle way to make his moves:

Big Dirty: Hey, what's goin' on? Y'all havin' a party?

Teenage Girl: Uhmmm. We're just hanging out.

Big Dirty: Yeah, I love to party too. When I was in high school, which was just a few years ago, I must of partied like all the time.

Silence

Big Dirty: So are y'all drinking some beers and stuff? Don't worry, I won't say anything. Of course I'm old enough to buy beer now. It's pretty cool. I can get all the beer I want when it's time to party!! So let me know if you start running low.

Teenage Girl (tentatively): Thanks...we'll let you know if we need anything.

Big Dirty: We should all hang out some time. I have some awesome parties. I've got my own place so I don't have to ask permission or anything. I can even party during weekdays. Since we're friends you can use it sometime if you need a place.

Silence and the girls nervously look around

Big Dirty: So, who here likes My Space?

More silence.

Big Dirty: I've been on it for a while now. I'm linked to all sorts of people. Like the drummer for Nickelback. He's one of my best My Space friends. Y'all should give me your pages so we can all link up. Do any of you own webcams?

Really uncomfortable silence

Big Dirty: I've got some extras if you need one. That way we could totally party on line. It'll be awesome. I don't invite everybody to my parties so don't go telling everybody. I don't want girls with bad self esteem killing themselves or anything(motions not so subtley at goth girl). That's not cool. In fact if any of you girls have really bad self esteem you are completely invited to come to my place. Right now even.

Massive, oppressive silence

Big Dirty: Or later, whatever. I know you're thinking about it and I'm cool with that.

Big Dirty: You know what else is so great about high school? Doing whatever you can to buck the system. Am I right? Yeah, I know, I never listened to what "adults" thought I should and shouldn't do. It's all about finding out for yourself. That's what's so great about having a place you can go. You know like my place. You can do like, whatever there and it's totally cool.

Big Dirty: Who here likes to watch The Real World? Man I love that show!! MTV right? It's awesome. Wouldn't that be cool to like just live with a bunch of people that're our age in an apartment or something? With a video camera? That would be totally rad.

Big Dirty: Did I mention I have a video camera?

It turns out we had arrived just as the party was ending though and the girls left shortly after. BD seemed to think he'd made a good impression. I was just glad that I had never ventured near enough to be associated with.

12 comments:

Q said...

Seriously though myspace is pretty awesome, am I right.

cyberman said...

This is soooo incredibly funny, Dags. You make my insides hurt!

cyberman said...

To bad Big Dirty didn't happen to have any queso on him. That would have been a real hit with the ladies.

Q said...

Man that Big Dirty character sounds like someone I would like to hang out with, you know and party. I wonder if BD has any friends that like to make some homemade queso without a shirt on?

Gyuss Baaltar said...

BD has some mad game! I am impressed

I'd follow it up with:

"Do you have a little Italian in you?

Do you want some?"

Mist said...

Where was Big Dirty when I was underage?

Dagromm said...

Somehow Gyuss Baaltar doesn't strike me as Italian. It sounds Dutch.

cyberman said...

Nothin' better than cookin' up some spicy queso on a hot summer day while being shirtless.


...Sheetrock!

Q said...

Is it warm in here or is it just me? Turn on some AC Dagromm I'm dieing in here.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

I would like to point out that this is the funniest blog posts ever.

I've read it out loud to several co-workers and we think it should be some sort of episodic tv show.

Q said...

When you spek outloud you have to use a real seedy voice for big dirty.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

oh, I was definitely acting it out