Monday, March 19, 2012

Knock Knock. Who's there? Mad Skills!
One of the questions I'm asked most often is when are the Rapscallions (my two man organic culinary rap group) going to drop a new album. It's certainly taken a lot longer than I would've liked. I don't want to get into all the details. Suffice it to say there was a domino effect that began with a regrettable romantic interlude with Patrick and Gina Neely that eventually led to the incarceration of our major financial backer (Lindsay Lohan).
All of that is out of the way now though. The Rapscallions featuring MC Gay Sails and DJ Beats Off is set to release our newest album, Masturbatronics. It's been hailed by some as the best music album to come out since Edison first produced the gramophone. I don't want to say too much right now, but I know that our fans have been clamoring for news. So with out further ado here is the track listing:
1. A Game of Inches
2. Lubrication
3. There's A Neely In My Pants
5. Rocket Ship To Atlantis
6. Hello Tissue
7. NoTex HoPlex
8. It's Called a Breath Mint (The Pat Neely Song)
9. Gangsta Biznitch (ft. Lindsay Lohan)
10. Locally Grown
11. Sensual Internet Lover
12. Silky Hands
13. Always Finish First
14. The Door's Locked For A Reason
15. Don't Come In! I'm Busy Right Now.
Plus a secret special bonus track.

Friday, March 02, 2012

And the World Keeps on Turning

Hello Blog World! Long time no hear. I am finally returning from my long blog-sabbatical. Since my last Blog post lots has happened. I've semi-moved to Kentucky for work. I've upped my fitness regime to include kegels. I've increase my knowledge of the culinary arts such that I have earned the worlds highest honors for my daring work with meatballs.

It's tough being away from the family. I miss them a lot, but when ever I get down I think of the beautiful old Clarence Carter blues ballad and things don't seem so bad. I think we can all find our place in the universe by meditating on the lyrics to Strokin'. When you can truly understand what the words mean you have attained enlightenment.

I find that I can also combat the feeling of missing the fam, by keeping busy. I've joined an indoor soccer team, I put in extra time at work, and I've begun my quest to attain greater knowledge by reading every book of scholarly value in the world. "How do you determine such a thing?" you might ask. Well I am following in the footsteps of the great German philosopher Friedrich Nietzche who once said, "Everything I needed to know I learned in kindergarten". Following that philosophy I am working my way through every easy reader in the children's section of the Hardin County library. I am making awesome time and believe that I have astounded the librarians with the great pace in which I am devouring this knowledge. I don't know if there is an official Kentucky state record for number of books read in a lifetime, but I am sure that I have already eclipsed it in the short time I've been here.

What's going on with you world?