Tuesday, July 22, 2008


I've been doing some yard work and finally set myself to clear out a large patch of unattended growth along the side of my house last week. I spent about 40 minutes hacking and picking up scraps that had been growing unfettered for the last two years. It was a mess and still is as I haven't finished the work, but I had filled up my trash can and had to stop.

About two days later my legs looked like a war zone. Red, blistered, and itching. I have my suspicions that in my side yard there is a substantial amount of poison ivy. This suspicion was reinforced when I did some more work on my yard this weekend and got a fresh new patch of rashes. I had always assumed that I was immune to the effects of poison ivy, much as I am immune to every other poison known to man (iocaine powder, etc.), but I have since learned that resistence to poison ivy can lessen with age and continued exposure to it (unlike iocaine powder). So now the warzone that was just my legs has expanded to my arms and chest. I am even now resisting the urge to roll around on the floor at work. It's not that I haven't done it before, but my pants are freshly pressed and I think they've still got another use in them.

Monday, July 21, 2008

The Gift Bag for All Eternity

It has come to my attention recently that my life will eventually have a stopping point. I have my hopes that it will end with a really climactic scene. Maybe, I'll run the train off the tracks as I try to out run the law. I don't know. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this whole mortality thing. So, it occurs to me that I will have to make some arrangements for my remains after I am gone. I recently watched Conan the Barbarian again and think that I would like a funeral similar to what Conan gives to Valeria. Please when I go make sure that my soul is sent to Valhalla by means of a funeral pyre while you all curse Crom for letting this happen to such a swell guy.

I've also been thinking about who all will come to my final send off. Of course, I can't be sure of a final count, but I want you in the blog community to know that you are all invited. I'd like it to be a potluck affair, so if you'd all like to leave what you're bringing in the comments section that would help tremendously.

Lastly, I think that I should put together a Dagromm Memorial Gift Bag for everyone in attendance. I've just started to go over what will be included, but I thought I'd give you some of my preliminary thoughts.

1. A signed thank you letter for attending my funeral. I've never been good aboutdoing thank you notes, but it's how you finish not how you begin so as long as I get this right then I think it'll go in the plus column when resolving my afterlife status.

2. A toothbrush, trial size tooth paste and dental floss. I currently work for a dental care provider, so this should be pretty easy to score, and you the recipients of the gift bags get to be the lucky beneficiaries!!!

3. A CD (or equivilant futuristic media) with burned copies of my favorite songs.

4. Chinese finger cuffs.

5. Miscellaneous candy.

6. A tasteful nude photo of myself. Framed for display on any mantle.

7. Commemorative stationary with my photo (looking very peaceful and contemplative).

8. A random baseball card from the 1990 Topps set or basketball card from the 1991 Fleer set. Good luck!!

9. A puzzle piece that when joined with the other pieces from the other gift bag makes a photo of me on one side and forms a secret message on the back. Don't ask. I'm not telling.