Monday, July 21, 2008

The Gift Bag for All Eternity

It has come to my attention recently that my life will eventually have a stopping point. I have my hopes that it will end with a really climactic scene. Maybe, I'll run the train off the tracks as I try to out run the law. I don't know. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this whole mortality thing. So, it occurs to me that I will have to make some arrangements for my remains after I am gone. I recently watched Conan the Barbarian again and think that I would like a funeral similar to what Conan gives to Valeria. Please when I go make sure that my soul is sent to Valhalla by means of a funeral pyre while you all curse Crom for letting this happen to such a swell guy.

I've also been thinking about who all will come to my final send off. Of course, I can't be sure of a final count, but I want you in the blog community to know that you are all invited. I'd like it to be a potluck affair, so if you'd all like to leave what you're bringing in the comments section that would help tremendously.

Lastly, I think that I should put together a Dagromm Memorial Gift Bag for everyone in attendance. I've just started to go over what will be included, but I thought I'd give you some of my preliminary thoughts.

1. A signed thank you letter for attending my funeral. I've never been good aboutdoing thank you notes, but it's how you finish not how you begin so as long as I get this right then I think it'll go in the plus column when resolving my afterlife status.

2. A toothbrush, trial size tooth paste and dental floss. I currently work for a dental care provider, so this should be pretty easy to score, and you the recipients of the gift bags get to be the lucky beneficiaries!!!

3. A CD (or equivilant futuristic media) with burned copies of my favorite songs.

4. Chinese finger cuffs.

5. Miscellaneous candy.

6. A tasteful nude photo of myself. Framed for display on any mantle.

7. Commemorative stationary with my photo (looking very peaceful and contemplative).

8. A random baseball card from the 1990 Topps set or basketball card from the 1991 Fleer set. Good luck!!

9. A puzzle piece that when joined with the other pieces from the other gift bag makes a photo of me on one side and forms a secret message on the back. Don't ask. I'm not telling.


Susan said...

I'll bring pie. What kind of pie, you ask? I cannot tell you until I know the super secret message on the back of the puzzle pieces.

Dagromm said...

Susan - It almost makes it so that you can't wait for my death. I'm getting amped up just thinking about it.

Q said...

I know I can't wait. I have been planning that day for many, many years.
I'm bringing meatball subs...

LIT said...

Put me down for Angel Food Cake since I will probably be in Valhalla ahead of you, and that may be my only choice. Don't even mention Devil's Food Cake though that would probably be your choice.

Dagromm said...

Q - Thank you and thank you again for your contribution to the potluck. I think someone else was planning spaghetti and meatballs, but I think that I can persuade them to some sort of alfredo sauce instead.

Lit - Consider it not mentioned.

Chillax said...


Tera said...

I'll only come to your funeral if you come to mine.

I'll bring chocolate cake ;-) and I will blog for you posthumously all the while bearing in mind WWDD.

Tera said...

BTW...good thing you posted something...I was beginning to think you had already kicked the bucket!

Churlita said...

How about I bring some wings? If it's football season, can we sit around and watch a game....You know that's the only way you'll get Fringes there anyway.

Dagromm said...

Chillax - Thanks that'll go great with the subs.

Tera - I love chocolate cake and of course I'll come to yours. Just be sure to let me know the date!

Tera - Sorry about the delay. I'm also sorry for all the lost blogging opportunities.

Churlita - Are they homemade wings or bought wings? Please no grocery store wings. I hate to be picky, but it is my memorial afterall. I can guarantee that I will not die during the football season, unless your talking about arena football season in which case I will probably be asking for death's sweet embrace.

heather said...

i'll bring beer, broccoli salad and bleu cheese to go with the wings.

keep in mind, i have sensitive teeth and would prefer mint flavored sensodyne in my gift bag. and a green handled toothbrush. i ~always~ have a green handled toothbrush.

Dagromm said...

Heather - Thanks for the being so thoughtful in this trying time. Although I don't know what a broccoli salad is, it sounds delightful.

heather said...

4-5 cups broccoli flowerettes cut into bite size pieces
1/2 red onion chopped
1/2 cup sharp yellow cheddar cheese grated
1/2 lb. bacon cooked and crumbled
1 cup mayo
2 tablespoons white vinegar
5 1/2 tablespoons sugar

mix the last 3 very well and toss the rest with the dressing. some people add raisins to it i don't. i do add sunflower seeds sometimes though and i've been know to add more bacon as well.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

I've already got way more naked pictures of you than I need.

Dagromm said...

Heather - Anything with bacon, mayo and cheese sounds good to me. I concur with not using raisins.

Gyuss - There's no such thing as too much of a good thing. Heh heh. My pants.

NoRegrets said...

Didn't know there's be such a thing as a tasteful nude photo of yourself. Thing is, you have that in the gift bag, you won't need to worry about having food at the funeral afterparty.

Alan said...