Friday, December 01, 2006

Movie Reviews

A Prairie Home Companion



This movie had a few chuckles but ultimately left me wondering why it was made. I've heard some people complain that nothing happens in episodes of Seinfeld. Well this movie makes Seinfeld look like The Marine so little happens. It meanders and scenes happen for seemingly no reason. Since Robert Altman recently died I will give this movie an A-.

The Illusionist


The Illusionist is based off a short story and watches like one. It is deceptive in it makes you think there is more depth to the movie than there really is. In the end though I found myself asking, "Is that it?". It does have Jessica Biel in it, whom I believe to be overrated, so I have to give this movie an A-.


The Fountain


There's a lot of different things going on in this movie which makes it hard to explain in a blog format so instead I will transcribe my thoughts at different junctures during the movie.
5 minutes-What the F?
10 minutes-huh?
15 minutes-Crap, I could've been watching Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny, or Stranger Than Fiction, or Happy Feet, or The Prestige, or Saw III, or ....
25 minutes-...or Borat, or Flushed Away, or The Guardian, or Santa Clause III: The Escape Clause, or Deck the Halls, or....
40 minutes-I wish Wolverine would hurry up and kill some people.
50 minutes-I'm not getting any if I leave this thing. I gotta be good through this to earn the panty points.
55 minutes-All out of popcorn?!?? Damn, I should have gotten a hotdog, or nachos, or a Nestle Crunch, or Twizzlers, or M&M's, or Gummi Bears, or ....
1 hour-...or Junior Mints, or Raisinets, or malt balls, or chocolate covered almonds, or a pickle, a movie meal wouldn't have been bad, or a Hot Tamales, or Goobers, or Sour Patch Kids, or...
1 hour 5 minutes-I wonder if there are any good looking girls in this theater.
1 hour 10 minutes-Nope.
1 hour 20 minutes-That's a lot of snow. Maybe Sabertooth is going to show up. Or Lady Deathstrike, or Pyro, or Magneto...
1 hour 25 minutes-...or Mystique, or Juggernaut, or Callisto, or Phoenix, or Toad, or ...
1 hour 30 minutes-Oh God!! Was I snoring??? Gotta hold it together. I've almost made it. Maybe I can do some jumping jacks in the back of the theater without anyone noticing. Panty points. Panty points.
1 hour 35 minutes-Damn, it's quiet leaving this theater. I hope she doesn't ask me what I thought of the movie.

The special effects were ok, but it needed more action scenes. I give it an A-.

18 comments:

Gyuss Baaltar said...

I left the Fountain feeling like I'd just seen a foreign film but the subtitles were mistranslated. "That was very interesting, but we must have missed something"

I'm probably just not smart enough to understand it. Which is a shame, I really liked "Pi"

Dagromm said...

I didn't care for Pi either. So maybe I just like movies a little closer to this side of sane.

cyberman said...

something is wrong with your rating system if movies you hate get an A-. either that or I wish had been one of my professors

Q said...

CyberD - I am glad he wasn't one of my profs, NO males in his class would have passed.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

Jessica Biel = overrated

Jessica Biel's awesome flat tummy := overrated

She needs to only appear in movies where she dresses in tight skimpy outfits like Blade 3, not period pieces where they put her in big gowns.

Q said...

I think they should only film her as if she is laying down and you are on top of her. That would make it appear as though she could act.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

This is a great blog!

I never would have found it if it wasn't for the link on the Wheel in Space. The Wheel in Space is awesome! I go there every day.

I'll make a point of clicking through occasionally to the House of Dagromm.

Q said...

Gyuss, you see this is unbelievable because CyberD only updates the Wheel once in a blue moon.

cyberman said...

bite me, Q!

cyberman said...

G, you forgot lingerie and bikini's. those are allowed. It's the only reason with watching that lame baseball movie with Freddie Prince, Jr. or that lame college drug movie with the guy from Dawson's creek. I recommend both because of Ms. Biel and I disagree with Dags... as she is in no way shape or form overated!

Dagromm said...

She has odd face and weird skin. She is just a strange looking chick.

Q said...

She was ib 7th heaven and was the hottest one on that show, at least she can hang her hat on that. Oh and I agree with Dagromm.

Q said...

CyberD calm down. We are all friends here no need to get all worked up over nothing. So you rarely update your blog, it is not that big of a dealm, your blog is not that important anyways.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

yeah, Cyber.
Its not like you ever had anything good to say.

Its not like you prefer to craft nice quality posts, while I just link to videos of people lighting body parts on fire.

cyberman said...

(sags head in disgust and slowly inserts revolver deep into mouth while pulling back the hammer)

Q said...

OMG CyberD that was your funniest post since "neck snapping love making"

cyberman said...

(With new life breathed from The Q's complement, slowly removes pistol barrell about halfway out of mouth before snapping back into reality, mumbling "Oh God!" and finally jamming the barrell deeper down the throat and laying on the trigger in a tribute to Private Pyle)

Q said...

Surprise, surprise, surprise?