I Want To Apologize to My Loyal Readership

I'm trying to get back on the blog horse as I know that I've let a number of you down by not posting in several days. I will not make excuses, but I will explain what has been going on in that time that has kept me away. Unbeknownst to most I have been on a blog sabbatical to work tirelessly towards self improvement. Over the course of the last several days I have commenced an intense workout regimen to improve my physique and overall health. This includes a strict diet of boiled salmon, kale, and Megaman vitamins from GNC. I normally mix them together in a blender and drink them like a smoothy five times a day in place of traditional meals. Sometimes I just lay them on a plate seperately though if I feel the need to dine with family. My workout includes crunches while hanging upside down from my shower curtain rod and doing lunge thrusts around the neighborhood that I live in. This hasn't been just about getting in shape though. I have also used the last few days to improve my mind. To this end I have read the entire World Book encyclopedia collection that was at my local library. I now have a comprehensive fourth grade level knowledge of all things through 1997. In addition to this I worked to improve my soul. In my quest for enlightenment, I have spent every night for the last ten days meditating upon the universe in the winter air from the roof over my house. I blocked out all sensory distractions to dwell upon the meaning of being. The first eight days were fruitless, but on the ninth I ascended to a higher plane of existence. I also watched Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. I give it an A-. I thought unrated meant there would be nudity.
So I apologize loyal readers. I have not forsaken you in my quest for improvement. I have not been sitting idly by while my blog has gone unattended. No, this time was important to help me become the person that I knew I could truly be.