Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Flash Back


Even after all my writing the last couple of years there are still people out there that feel I am a mystery so I thought I would draw back the curtain a little bit and tell you about my time in the FBI. Now understand that a lot of it is confidential, so I won’t be able to disclose everything, but I can tell you that I was involved with some pretty intense portions of our nations’ war with underground crime.

After graduating the Academy with high marks in Marksmanship, Forensics, and Culinary Arts; I was quickly placed on a special assignment. I became part of the Elite DVD Anti-Piracy Task Force. I don’t want to go into all of the dirty details, but I can tell you that this is by far the darkest and most dangerous parts of America’s criminal underworld. Needless to say, many of my comrades didn’t make it out alive. Others even after their duty ended needed psychological counseling to deal with the trauma.

I myself am only now able to get a grip on some of the horrors that I was witness to. The physical scars have long since healed, but the emotional scars have taken much longer. Sometimes at night I relive the atrocities of the Dude, Where’s My Car Campaign that claimed the lives of so many good men. Still, I fought on in what seemed like a war that would never end. From deep in the back alleys of poverty stricken barrios to the high rise lairs of felonious kingpins I fought the good fight, but after the highly publicized Big Momma’s House 2 Incident even I couldn’t go on.

15 comments:

Kofi said...

Our tax dollars couldn't be more at work than in your professional past life.

Susan said...

This explains so much..

Gyuss Baaltar said...

The way you had to grow your hair out for that Hells Angels undercover work was great.

Thank goodness our streets are safe from bootleg copies of Turner and Hooch

Q said...

Does this have anything to do with the DVD's that your nephews brought over the other day?

Dagromm said...

Kofi - It was more than a job to me. That's not the kind of work you only do for the money. Hold on a second I'm starting to lose my composure.

Susan - I'm glad I could share a little of my tortured soul with you. It helps the healing.

Gus - Don't even mention Turner and Hooch to me. To many lives were lost on that one. American lives.

Q - Shut up. I'm out of it now, besides that was I Am Legend which is just a remake so it doesn't really count anyway.

Churlita said...

I can just imagine how many people illegally downloaded Big Momma's House 2. How many lives were lost in that one?

Cyber D said...

I refuse to comment on the grounds that I might incriminate myself.

Dagromm said...

Churlita - It wasn't just the loss of lives that made it so traumatic for me, but the fact that the investigation went all the way up the ladder, and we know all know that the Bush Administration doesn't look favorably upon those who would out their malfeasance.

Cyber D - SAY IT ISN'T SOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LIT said...

I have lost the recipe for that marinade that you created for your final culinary exam that won such high marks. You know the one that tastes so good and is also a truth serum. Could you send me another copy?

Dagromm said...

Lit - Unfortunately, it is now classified. Classified and delicious.

Goo said...

Why is it no one will talk about the real cost of sequels?

Tera said...

Ha!

Dagromm said...

Goo - That's the kind of thing that Hollywood likes to cover up. They figure people wouldn't want to see things like Gremlins 2 if they knew how many families were destroyed in the process.

Tera - Ha indeed. Ha to crime and all those who would oppose Americas colors of freedom!!!!

heather said...

just outta curiosity, did you keep the boots?

juice said...

hahahahahahaha......(clutching my aching sides that are bound to split open with all this excess laughter!!)