Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Karmic Tornado


There are times in a person's life when karma is with you. The foggy ether of the universe parts and certain fundamental truths become obvious and every move you make can't help but succeed. Winning becomes easy. The right path and correct decisions shine with a clarity and allure that draws you to them. I believe that these times happen for everyone within their lifetime. The truly outstanding people either a) have more of these moments then others or b) make better use of these moments than others.

There are other times where karma is against you. I don't know that it's because you did anything wrong so much as it's your turn. The great cosmic tumblers of life have turned and clicked into place and you get stuck between them. Nothing you do is going to work out and it becomes like quicksand where the harder you struggle to make the cosmic tumblers shift the harder they lock down. These are bad times to be in a casino.

One of the games that Q and I like to play in the casino is craps. The odds are the same every throw of the dice. If you know the odds or even have a round-about knowledge of the odds then it's possible to win...almost as much as you lose. Statistically.

A few years back Q and I were hitting the craps table at the Hollywood Casino. It was a weird night and this was the only table with any availability and people weren't leaving the others. That probably should have been warning enough. We had time to kill though as the Texas Hold'em tables were also full and we were on a long list. The table had about five other players when we arrived plus the three workers assigned to the table. Two of the players were non descript elderlies. They were on our left. Relatively quiet and ultimately forgettable. One of the players was a hip hop man complete with a shiny fake precious metal chain with a huge medallion on it. He was on our right. He wanted to come off as a high roller, but being at the smallest minimum limit table doesn't help your cred in that department. Me and Q liked him. He was gangsta like us. The last two players were on the far end of the table from us. They were a couple affectionately called Chipmunk and Honey Butt. I don't know what they called each other, but this is what I called them. They were extremely perky, over excited, over loud, and had cutesy names and phrases for everything!!! We hated them instantly.

People like this are a karma curse. In the deepest recesses of my heart I knew this, but it was too late the gears of fate had locked in place and we were wedged between them. We were going to see these people lose. We were going to win and laud our triumph over them. The couple oblivious to our karmic challenge continued yelling and screaming and cheering. "Come on shooter!! Come on shooter!! You're going to do it shooter!! Yaaaayyyyyyy!!!!!!"

Our first few bets came and went with the normal ups and downs. Chipmunk and Honey Butt were obviously doing well and letting the entire casino know it. We pressed on. We were not going to let this continue!!! and clink another gear locked into place even tighter. "Way to go shooter!! You can do it shooter!! Four square!!! Quad Four!!! Yaayyyyyyy!!!! Good job shooter!!!". Thanks a-hole, but I was betting on the "no pass line". That just f'd me.

Every dice roll was a celebration. Every number had a pet name. Every moment was cheering and hugging and smooching. Everyone hated them. The other players. The other tables. The casino workers. Everyone. They were however in their own world and in that world everything was rainbows. It was the perfect storm. After an hour of miserably seeing the writing on the wall and still trying to come out on top. I finally was ready to give in and leave. Before we left though we got to see them hit their number for what seemed like the millionth time. And we waited for it. It was coming. The phrase we'd heard them yell every time they'd seen a ten for the last hour. Our eyes were squinting as we tried hard to some how find muscles to close our ears, but it wasn't possible. "HOME WRECKER!!!!!" they yelled with unbridled enthusiasm.

We left knowing that we had just asses handed to us by the Moby Dick of karma. Kudos to you Chipmunk and Honey Butt.

10 comments:

Dagromm said...

For those who actually read the whole thing, thank you. It came out a lot longer than I had anticipated. I looked through it again for something to cut, but it's all gold.

fringes said...

Being the first to comment on your own post...that's the gold right there.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

I did not read the whole thing, but my scan did stop on the words "dick" and "crap" and "homewrecker"

I think a phrenologist like Plug could make something out of that

Q said...

The dealer and I were having a good time at their expense too. Every time they would utter a pet name for either themselves or the numbers I would look at the dealer and make an exasperated face like "did you hear that? that is so awesome, I can't believe I never thought of that" and she would look at me and just roll her eyes and laugh. Of course then she would mouth erotic phrases and make super hot promises like "bloody forehead, rope burned neck". She was maybe my second favorite casino worker ever.

heather said...

gee, a casino story involving q that didn't involve any sex whatsoever. just an annoying couple that needs to be shot on sight. i'm kinda sad. but it ~is~ a good post. don't worry about the length. it's only long to the attention deficit.

Dagromm said...

fringes - I agree the gold never stops at the HoD.

Gyuss - Here's three words for you: Die, Die, Die!!!!

Q - I think she was mouthing to the security guard behind us that he might need to restrain you.

heather - I felt it was long enough as it was and edited out the sex.

cyberman said...

It would have been a better post if it involved some naked... or some hamburgers... but otherwise okay. I give it an A-.

Q said...

Ever since your trip to DC you are infatuated with meat CyberD. What is the deal?

plug said...

Ah, Gyuss, it doesn't take a phrenologist to figure that out. You are all too transparent.

cyberman said...

Q, A whole new world was opened up to me!