I asked to be included in the newest interview chain on Eslocura's blog the other day as I love talking about myself. She responded magnificently and I will use this post to answer the interview questions that I was posed.

1) As queen of Puerto Rico, I have the power to declare "Dagromm Day", what special events/activities mark this auspicious occasion?

This is a great question Eslocura and I can only assume that you ask, because it was already being planned. I think that any Dagromm Day would have to include a large cook out/barbecue, because I like to chill at the grill and show my skill which is totally ill. A frisbee football tournament would be called for, because it would be a physical activity that doesn’t require too much athleticism and is exactly the kind of thing I excel at. Everyone would be required to walk around in only their bathing suits all day whether they live near water or not. This might not be a pretty sight every where, but it would be where ever I am!

2) This isn't an original question but I like it, so am using it. If you could meet one person from any era, who would it be and what would you ask him or her?

I’ve actually never been asked this question and there are several people through out history that I admire. Ben Franklin and Mark Twain both come to mind as being great and creative minds. J. K. Rowling would be fun to meet since I’m such a Harry Potter fan. Ultimately, I decided on Jenna Jameson. Besides being a parent like me; she’s rich, hot, and is a major player in the adult entertainment industry. All are things that I aspire to. I’d stand back, give her the look, and ask, “Would ya?”

3) As a family man, what words of wisdom or traits do you hope to teach your children?

I hope my kids learn about responsibility, compassion, problem solving, and confidence in their own potential. If they learn those things then I will feel successful as a parent.

4) Rumor has it that the "crotch wizards" are being closely monitored by special forces, with possible arrests imminent. Do you jump ship and take an "every wizard for himself stand" or go with "no man left behind" and why?

There is no question that any one of us would abandon ship at the slightest sign of trouble. Cyber D would be the one most likely to try and trip us on his way out the door. There is an old saying that when you and your friend are out camping in the woods and are attacked by an enraged bear. You don’t have to be able to out run the bear. You just have to be able to outrun your friend.

Why? Because as much as we all like each other we would also take pride in being the last living Crotch Wizard. I’ve already had my t-shirt printed up with that on it and prepared eulogies for the others. (Fingers crossed)

5) You found a magic mirror, it has the ability to let you see your future, would you want to see what it holds, and why or why not?

Without a doubt, I would look. The chance that it might help me to change things for the better would be to great a motivation. Even though it would show sad times I think it would also make several instances less scary, because I would know that things turn out ok.

Girls Soccer Update

Since I updated the boy's football yesterday, I thought I would update on the girl's soccer. My daughter is playing with two teams this season. The rec team which I coach and the Academy team which I relax and watch. They play different formats and there is only one other girl which is on both teams.

Our rec team started practicing over a month ago and we participated in a local tournament prior to the start of the season. It was a good experience, which is what people that get their asses kicked say to make themselves feel better. The truth is we are a third division that was playing a bunch of first division teams and the difference was noticeable. By the last game we were playing with more fire though and went into half time tied 1-1. In the end they pulled away, but the game was intense enough that I had to pull aside screaming parents from the other team after the game.

The tournament got the girls fired up and more focused after practice. It also showed me what things we needed to work on. We're now 3 games into our season and are undefeated. None of the games have been in any real question and although I don't know anything about our next opponent I think we have made great strides and have a very real chance of going 10-0. My daughter has played well. She's scored two goals and set up several others. The girls still have work to do, but look a lot more organized and confident out there. In our last game, I had to pull girls back from offense because we were up by so many goals.

The parents are of course thrilled that we've been looking so good, but I realize that we will likely be moving up a division or two next season and I don't want them to get overconfident. I also don't want the girls to get accustomed to being able to get away with sloppy play. They might be able to slide with it this season, but not against the good teams next time we play a tournament or move up. Oh well, it's a metered excitment.

The academy team has started out 0-2-1, but has been showing improvement each week. I know it's killing the coach that she only has one evening a week to work with the girls, but I'm ok with the results so far. Most of the girls are going to quit playing with their rec teams next season to concentrate on the Academy team, but I don't think that's going to be the case with us. My daughter likes her rec team, and I enjoy coaching too much. Besides I think that the best teacher for the game is playing the game so the more the better.

In the first game with the Academy team the girl looked uncomfortable and got herself out of position a number of times. By midway through the second game I could see that she was making the adjustments and was placing herself well and becoming more involved. In the third game she had an assist and took a couple of shots that went wide. One of them just barely. It's fun for me to see her continue to figure things out and progress out there. She is by far the littlest one on the field as she's playing up a year, but she's starting to assert herself in the game.

For anyone that wants to keep up with the Academy team you can find their results here. The academy team that she is on is called The Reds of Liverpool.

http://www.primetimefiles.com/tourn_sched.cfm?id=470

OK, I'm done with proud daddy talk.

It's the Sport of Kings, Better Than Diamond Rings, Football

I've had lots of questions in regards to the kids and how their sports seasons are going. I'm glad to say that my son is enjoying football immensely and really considers himself a football player now. The constant workouts have gotten him into good shape, his team has made him feel wlecome and his coaches have been demanding but encouraging.

His team is loaded and is certainly one of the best teams in the league. Currently they're in first place at 5-0. Their defense only this week actually gave up some points. Prior to that the only touchdown was from an interception.

The first game of the season started off roughly for the boy, but he's made progress since then. Game one began like this.
Kick to the other team.
Defense holds the other team from getting a first down and the offense takes the field. (The boy plays offensive line)
1st play for the offense, whistled dead, flags fly, False Start offense, Coach yells, "Dagromm!!!!" I sink a little bit into my place on the bleachers.
2nd play for the offense, whistled dead, flags fly, False Start offense, Coach yells, "Dagromm!!!!" I sink further down into the bleachers. The boy gets pulled and his replacement goes in.
3rd play for the offense, whistled dead, flags fly, False Start offense, I cheer maniacally for the kid that isn't mine that got the penalty. The boy gets sent back in.
4th play for the offense, whistled dead, flags fly, False Start offense, Coach yells, "Dagromm!!!!" I deflate again.
5th play for the offense, they get the play off, the running back breaks free. The defense which has by this time been lulled to sleep doesn't react in time. Touchdown.

I heard the Dagromm name yelled out about five more times that game. Not for more penalties, but for not having his shoes tied, or for failing to go on the field because he was too busy staring at the cheerleaders that were standing directly behind the bench. When the lead got insurmountable in the fourth, I finally exhaled and was able to enjoy myself.

Each week has been been better and he hasn't had a penalty the last couple of games. For anyone that would like to keep up with how the team is doing or is in the NoTex area and wants to come by and watch them play then here is the website.

http://www.lewisvillepeeweefootball.com/

He is in the 11-12 age group and his team name is the Colts. They usually update the scores from the previous Sunday late in the week, so although it says 4-0, they are actually 5-0. I think there's also a link on there somewhere to the team website, but I haven't looked for it yet.

Late addition - I just looked at the team Myspace page. Here it is for those interested in seeing some of the pics from their Homecoming this last weekend.

http://www.myspace.com/lfacolts2007

And at long last we reach the conclusion my friends. When we left off the story of the tumultuous weekend that Q and I shared as our alter egos (Rod Ecstasy and Skip McBoner) the sound of approaching sirens could be heard outside of the blood spattered warehouse where we found ourselves. Skip was kneeling over the headless corpse of Barbara Bush sobbing uncontrollably, and apparently under the mistaken impression that she was Lady Bird Johnson. So I give you the thrilling and heart wrenching conclusion.

Part 24

The Big Send Off

We'd been set up and I knew it. The events of the past 36 hours swam through my head in a dizzying blur. Possibly it was the after effects of the mickey that I was still feeling. Regardless the feds were closing in and it was a perfect trap. We were done for. I tried to get Skip to help me figure something out, but all he could do was whimper and keep repeating, "I'm so sorry Ladybird. You're a hero to me."

I steeled myself for what I knew I must do. I could hear the brakes squealing outside and the cars coming to a stop. Any minute they would be storming inside. I walked around the room and slowly pulled the police issued Beretta M9-92FS pistol from my waist band. I placed the barrel to the back of Skip's skull and thought momentarily about Of Mice and Men. "Don't worry Skip. We'll raise bunnies, and there won't ever be any trouble," I whispered. The gun recoiled sharply as I unloaded 5 quick shots into my friend. Then quicker than a greased panther I placed the gun into what was left of his burned and mangled hand.

As the federal agents burst through the door I threw up my hands and yelled, "Don't shoot. Don't shoot!!! He was crazy. Murder suicide!!! Murder suicide!!!! It's real popular now a days!! So that's what he did! Blame video games not me!!!" Unfortunately as I raised my hands the tattered remains of my Kevlar vest lifted far enough for the feds to see the plastic explosive that I still had strapped to my torso. My last few moments on earth were spent thinking how Butch and Sundance went out better than George and Lennie and how I wish that had occurred to me earlier. The bullets riddled my body at that moment and my meticulously chiseled physique was torn asunder. It actually might have been torn some other way, but I don't any other way in which things are torn, except asunder.