Thursday, January 03, 2008

My Predictions for 2008




1. Due to struggles in the Middle East, environmental concerns, and a multitude of things that the common man can't comprehend gas prices will be forced to continue to rise and fuel companies will be forced to make record breaking profits.

2. The U.S. will succeed in closing our borders to all immigrants thus causing a massive rise in the cost of health care as we will have effectively cut our main source of doctors.

3. The spelling of the word extreme will be changed to Xtreme, because it is found to be in fact more extreme that way.

4. To combat the feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem that are sweeping our country due to the constant promotion of unrealistic body type expectations a new cable station is established that stars only "real people with real looks". It is lauded by educators, acclaimed by critics, and shuts down within six weeks.

5. The NBA attempts to turn around a downward trend in television rating by instituting several rules changes including the elimination of the "free throw" and the institution of the "free dunk". Steve Nash's career scoring average drops severely and he retires within two years.

6. The term "trash T.V." will be replaced by the term "T.V."

7. To help ailing retailers Easter is changed to Second Christmas and is heavily promoted as the time when the Eater Bunny brings good children toys and electronics. Your child has been good right? They shouldn't be left out should they?????

8. Everyone will be surprised when the Academy Award for Best Picture goes to Underdog. Everyone that is, except me.

9. The country will go one step further by legalizing prostitution on Halloween each year nationwide. The Speaker of the House argues for it by pointing out the top selling adult costumes for the last year. (This would be a good place for a link, but I'm not up to actually doing the research on this one (I'm at work))

10. The United States will overthrow their current political leader and force him out of office by the end of the year.

18 comments:

Tera said...

Way to come back to Blogland with a bang! Very clever predictions I might add.

P.S. The way you put the immigration issue makes me very afeared.

Q said...

I hate Steve Nash more than I hate spoiled tapioca pudding.

Tera said...

PSS (or is it PPS??)...oh well, who gives a shit?! To hear that an "e" is actually in front of the word xtreme is quite shocking and disturbing.

By the way...Q, I have warned you, now if you don't get your ass over to P&P...and soon, I will commence ass kicking of the Quad (except Cyber ;-)...Thank you

Dagromm said...

Tera - If I had a doctor in the last several years with less than four syllables in their last name then it's news to me.

Q - I didn't think tapioca ever spoiled. Or maybe that's I didn't think it was ever unspoiled. Or maybe I don't remember what it's like. Way to bail on coming to visit me a few weeks ago. You suck. Happy New Year!

Tera - I'm pretty sure that it's PPS (post-post-script). I wouldn't worry about Q not coming to visit. He's like that.

NoRegrets said...

I agree with all of your predictions, except it might be the case that the US instead of replacing easter with second Christmas will instead use the excuse that the latino population is this country is so high that everyone should celebrate three wise men's day (see Eslocura's site).

NoRegrets said...

PS, happy new year...

Dagromm said...

Nore - Happy New Year back at you! I'm off to visit Eslocura.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

You remind me of a guy that used to blog here.

Dagromm said...

Gus Bladder - That was tired when you kept dropping that line every two minutes at my house. Thanks for stopping by. It was good to see Mrs. Bladder again.

Cyber D said...

The biggest surprise prediction was that the Easter Bunny's name gets changed to Eater Bunny... Wow!

Tera, I'm suitably flattered by your preferance to not kicking my ass. I will admit though, that I do love a good ass kicking.

Gyuss, I think this is Dagromm, Jr. having deposed his father in a two month long military coup.

NoRegrets said...

Hmm... I was going to say it was pretty fishy that D was so excited to see Mrs. Bladder, but now that we know it's D jr. writing, well, that's just wrong.

heather said...

cyber, you stole my comment about the 'eater bunny'! (we're good though, great minds think alike and all that horse shit.)

welcome back dags! you've been missed. and i hear you re: the drs. all of the ones i've seen since the birth of cheeks have had one of two types of names.

either 6 syllables in their name or only two letters.

Dagromm said...

Cyber D - The Eater Bunny is who comes around at holiday time and eats all of the naughty children. What do you call him?

Nore - Trust me my son was all about trying to impress Gus with his comic book collection. I'm not even sure if he noticed Mrs. Bladder was there.

Heather - It's nice that anybody cares.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

You owe my $3.99

I watched Underdog last night based on your recommendation. That was as bad as the Buffy movie.

Dagromm said...

Gus - I think we all know better than to trust your opinion on movies or much of anything else really. U-dog had Jason Lee. It's awesome.

Susan said...

If only I told the nitty gritty of exactly what I do at my job it'd show why I find #2 and #9 both incredibly amusing and sad in the same moment.

Dagromm said...

Susan - I am now completely intrigued.

jaz said...

noregrets--isn't Three Wise Men Day too close to Christmas for the secular world to make much of a profit by changing it to Second Christmas? January 6 is only 12 days after Santa's jaunt around the world, after all.