Thursday, April 03, 2008

Life is a Song






Sometimes I like to share the knowledge that I have gained through the many experiences in my life. In a way I feel that is my major gift to the world that will be left behind long after I am gone. I pass on knowledge so that others don’t have to make the same mistakes, so that they in turn can build from the foundation that I have lain and further the cause of creating a better humanity.

To that I end I will profess that I live my life as if it were a movie. A musical in fact, in which people will instantaneously burst in to song and dance as the whim strikes them. When I’m not crooning to my kids about the glories of fried chicken while in the drive-thru at Popeye’s, I’m espousing the inadequacies of other drivers during my morning drive, or serenading my coworkers. I feel that I have gained a unique knowledge and insight from this practice of living life as a movie and I will share it with you.

The following is a list of songs that I can without hesitation tell you should not be sung while making love. In fact most of them should never be sung while naked and sweaty under any circumstances. If you are to take on an existence, like my own, in which music helps define your life then I can only hope you will follow my advice.

Knockin’ on Heavens Door (Guns in Roses) – I know it seems like this would be the perfect song especially if you can mimic Axel Rose, but it isn’t……at all.

That’s the Way (uh-huh uh-huh) I Like It (KC and the Sunshine Band) – Once again this seems like it would go over well, but it doesn’t. In fact you might get asked to leave, forcefully.

Genie in a Bottle (Christina Aguilera) – I don’t feel that I should have to explain this, just take my word for it.

Star Trekkin’ (The Firm) – OK, two words, mood & killer

American Pie (Don McLean) – Do you realize how long this song is???? Fellas, if you try to sing this while in the act you are just going to feel bad about yourself in the end. Save yourself the therapy and please don’t attempt it. For the same reason you might also want to avoid the Sugar Hill Gang’s “Rappers Delight”, Baby Bubba.

14 comments:

heather said...

it's just over 8 1/2 minutes.

most days i'd be happy with the single release version but it would be nice to get the album cut once in a while too....

Gyuss Baaltar said...

Hell, I can just barely make it through Happy Birthday

Dagromm said...

Heather - Exactly!!! That's impossible. Guys shouldn't even attempt it.

Gus - Sorry, I should have warned you first.

LIT said...

It gladdens a mother's heart to hear you view your life as a musical movie. No doubt, it thrills Goo's heart as well. It helped in that American Culture class in college as well as I recall.

Life is good!

Goo said...

Life as a musical? Great.
Dagromm naked, sweaty, and singing? Creepy.

On behalf of sisters everywhere I implore you, STOP.

Susan said...

Have you tried singing "I'm so excited" before sex? Perhaps the dancing and such would take away from the lack of running the full song of american pie.

Dagromm said...

lit - Yep, it was well worth all of this college loan debt.

Goo - Sorry, I'll give you a disclaimer next time.

Susan - No, but I've sung "I'm so pretty" from Westside Story. It's also kind of a mood killer.

plug said...

You're on the right track. See http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20080403/sex_minutes_080403/20080403?hub=Health&s_name=
Note, that this time does not include foreplay. "Foreplay" - do you know any of their songs?

Churlita said...

"When I'm 64" doesn't work so well either. Especially, when you're having sex with someone who has commitment issues.

Cyber D said...

Tainted Love is a bit of a mood killer too.

jaz said...

Paradise by the Dashboard Lights (Meatloaf) might be okay--until you get to the last verse. Probably not Two Out of Three Ain't Bad (also Meatloaf) wouldn't be a good idea, either. Nor would Bat out of Hell (another Meatloaf).

Come to think of it, sex and Meatloaf is just wrong on many levels.

Alan said...

Dagromm--is Lit your m-mother? and Goo your suh-suh s-sister? I mean, i was going to say something all adult and insinuatory--but DUDE! Yer MOM'S here??

Even so, Churlita, you made me spit grape juice out of my nose.

Dagromm said...

Alan - Yep and yep. I don't make them read anything I write. Thanks for stopping by.

LIT said...

Alan---Dagromm's mother is an adult, believe it or not. So is his sister. Suck it up. Or perhaps I should say, spit it out, Man.