Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Best Fronds Forever


When I can’t sleep due to the worries of the real world running through my head I lay in bed and imagine that I am somewhere else. Somewhere peaceful that I can relax and let stress drift away. I envision that I am lying on a grassy hillside. There is a blue sky up above with clouds floating gingerly past. All of the clouds are shapeless and cottony. A cool breeze blows on me manufactured by a dozen Dutch milkmaids in Kabuki make-up waving giant fronds from some far off palm trees. They sing me songs from their native land about a wall made of bottles of beer, in which they dismantle the wall one bottle at a time and pass them a round. The sun peeks out from behind the clouds and gives me a wink and waves hello to me.

The grass doesn’t so much tickle my feet as it gently massages them and I can see a distant fair grounds bustling with activity just over the next hill. My cat gently nuzzles my face and gives me an affectionate nibble (that part isn’t imagined, she just likes to fuck with me when I’m trying to sleep). The steady rhythm of the breeze matches that of my heart beat and the song starts to fade in and out. Every now and again a bird chirps a playful song and I notice the sun is still poking around the clouds and waving at me, persistently.

The smell of Rosemary is in the air and I find peace in the scent. Rosemary was this chick I used to sit behind in Anthropology in college. She smelled like pot and ice cream. Come to think of it, she did use to work at a Baskin Robbins and had a reputation for partying fairly hard. She always seemed pretty mellow to me though, so I guess you can’t believe everything you hear. The sun is waving hard at me now and is very intent on getting my attention.

The vision starts to blur and come in and out of focus now. The milkmaids’ song is getting to the last few dozen bottles in the beer wall. The clouds are slowing their trek across the azure sky, and the birds sound further away now. The sun looks really frustrated so I wave back to it and it looks overjoyed. It then sends me a lollipop through a pneumatic tube and asks if I have any other transactions to make. When I say “no”, it thanks me and tells me to have a good day.

In other news, has anyone else noticed how long those lines at the bank take?

18 comments:

Goo said...

After a half hour spent ridiculing a less literary e-mail from the other end of the gene pool (to such an extent that my co-workers came and read it aloud because I couldn't stop laughing long enough to get through it), this post was a welcome and rereshing palate cleanser. Thanks!

NoRegrets said...

I'm sorry, but I got to the milkmaids with kabuki make up and got the willies... That would frighten me.

heather said...

braided blondes with tits made up like geshias singing 100 bottles of beer ~soothes~ you?

bella, my bitchy cat does the same thing.

i'm gonna use 'rosemary' for a code this summer, once i explain it to j. ;-)

at least they didn't send you a dog biscuit. :-)

*you said fuck hehe*

*you're mom's gonna get mad at you*

jaz said...

Hey--you should write the forward for the book I am going to plagiarize from goo!

And you know what is worse than sitting three cars back in the commercial line in a car without AC? It's finally getting a turn and being told to go back and try it again because I forgot to stamp the "for deposit blah blah blah" on the backs of all the checks.

Dog biscuit?

Dagromm said...

Goo - No problem. I love the days I can sit relatively undisturbed at my desk long enough to write a post from nothing.

Nore - Frighten, but in a good way right?

Heather - I don't think I'm alone in this one. Yeah soothes.

Rosemary's a good code to use over the summer. That way the kids don't know that you're sneaking off to Baskin Robbins.

JAZ - I would be honored to write the Forward to any book that you write, co-write, ghost write, or just plain steal. Heck, give me fifteen minutes with your diary or address book and I'll write a Forward for that as well.

Tera said...

I'm not sure that I've ever heard a grown man use the word "gingerly."

I am ever so elated that you posted again before a decade passed.

And what's this shit about you being scrumdili-icious???

Dagromm said...

Tera - I will use the word gingerly with out fear. I won't however use the words precious or fierce.

I fairly scrummy I would say. That doesn't really read as good as it sounded in my head.

Tera said...

LMAO! Uh yeah, so we'll stick with scrumdili!

Susan said...

This was so beautiful it made me cry a little.

I love lollipops.

heather said...

ha! i live in dairy country. baskin robbins be damned. :-)
local made ice cream it is.

*jaz, apparently with all of the major banking transactions that take place around here require extra security in the form of 'spot' or 'taffy'. local banks keep a biscuit supply to 'reward' these security officers.

Kofi said...

I'm with Heather. Shoreline CT isn't exactly dairy, but there are options.

And the next time I wait on line inside a bank it will be to close the account and stash my money in the ground. I'm thinking the ground just might be more secure.

Gyuss Baaltar said...

Man, there are chick-flix and chick-blogger posts. I believe you have successfully created the latter.

Dagromm said...

Tera - Thanks!

Susan - I'll take you to the candy shop. (Thank you 50 cent)

Heather - Nothing wrong with home made. In fact it's much preferred.

Kofi - You don't have to go through as much work when you want to take your money out of a hole in the ground.

Mr. Bladder - I find your statement presumptive and un-enlightened. Harumph!

Churlita said...

Wait. What was your cat doing at the bank?

Nina said...

Who actually still goes to the bank? I thought we lived in the age of the internet.

jaz said...

Okay, I admit. I am addicted to House of Dagromm and eagerly anticipate the new posts. So, despite the fact I am too lazy to figure out how to even start my own page (or even to create an icon of my very own) I feel comfortable saying, Daggs, dear, your public is waiting!

heather said...

of course jaz didn't say ~what~ we're waiting for.

just that we're waiting.

Alan said...

Ohhhh SHOOT...!

Dagromm said "I'll take you to the candy shop"!

WORK it Snoop Daggy Dogg!