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The Unerring and Most Accurate Recollections of the Blogworthy Weekend Shared by the Crotch Wizards

Part 3

The third day was met in a groggy fashion as Cyber D and Q arrived at the House of Dagromm in the early hours of the morning. Gyuss, Pokiman, and I had already awoken. I severely burned from long shirtless hours in the sun. Pokiman and Gyuss severely burning from unprotected sex in a less than hygienic fashion.

Still we were excited to meet the days challenges head on. We all had visions of the everlasting glory that we would have for the next year if we could triumph in any of the days' events. Q had early success as the first competition was his strongest, Twister. In anything Q considers a contact sport he likes to bring the pain and with Gyuss, Poki, and myself being in weakened states we were little competition. Cyber D was much to fragile for Q's onslaught and this one was over before it ever truly began.
The next tournament was a closely contested battle for supremacy between Gyuss and myself. The Slip and Slide was pushed to its limits as we each tried to outduel each other. There has been some controversy as to what the final results of this contest were. Although I dominated the early goings on Gyuss was able to squeek out some success towards the end. In the end, nobody wanted to tell Gyuss he had ultimately lost.

We moved on to a game of survival, which may sound dangerous but when you hang with the Wizards you learn to thrive on danger. I won't go into details about the competition but I will say that it included shotguns, fire axes, explosives. I don't really remember who won this challenge. It wasn't me so I tried to forget about it.

We moved on to a challenge where we switched from the hunted to the hunter and no cheerleader was safe. For this we split into pairs and since there was an odd number of attendees I paired up with my son. I can't account for anyone else, but my son did well for his young age. He had tons of enthusiasm and was pleased that he was getting to join in on some manly fun. I think that Cyber D and Pokiman also did well. Gyuss and Q? Not so much.

Lastly, was the battle of knowledge. Sadly this was a lot less competitive than I would have expected. It came down to Q and myself. I was able to secure 1st runner up and Q won on a poor judges decision. They approved an incorrect answer as being "close enough". I'm not bitter or anything, but that shit isn't happening again! Whatever, I should've known Q would be fixed. What a bunch of a-holes!!!!

My family was great to put up with us the entire 14 hours that day. My son participated at points which was cool even if he was a little over enthusiastic at times. My daughter was cool and didn't raise a fit at being ignored all day. I think I've set her up for some really healthy relationships in the future.

The Unerring Account of What Transpired on the Very Bloggish Weekend of the Quad Four

Part 2

The second day of the big weekend was spent in the company of minors. My kids. I chaperoned Gyuss as he escorted them to the water park. Gyuss wussed out and wore his shirt the whole time. Not me though. I was halfway from the parking lot to the front gate before my shirt came off. The splendor that is Dagromm was laid bare for the world. Glistening in the sun. Thank God I lost that two pounds from the weight loss challenge.

We rented a locker, I threw on some Joop, and the day was begun. The kids didn't back down from any challenge and Gyuss being the good godfather that he is took them on several things they probably shouldn't have been on. The girl rode a few things that she didn't meet the height requirements for as Gyuss would rush her on them before the employees could measure her. They even rode the ginormous suicide swing that flew out over the wave pool.

Gyuss also stepped up pretty well. He kept going past the point that I know that he was exhausted and even did a sled race against a guy that looked a lot like Professor Dumbledore. It was fairly awesome.

There was relatively little crowd the day we went which is good, because as I mentioned the shirt was off. We still got an eyeful of cute bikini wearing girls and Gyuss felt that he was being discrete in his looking by wearing dark glasses. I didn't point out to him that they could tell he was looking by the way his head would jerk violently when ever a cutie walked by. For my part I went through an entire bottle of Joop as I had to reapply it every time I got out of the pool. Eventually though it was time to leave. I was out of cologne and my crotch needed a break from wet clothes.

The True and Unflinching Account of the Bloggity Weekend that was Shared By the Blog Foursome Known as the Quad

Part 1 - The Quad Frisbee Golf Celebrity Pro Am

The festivities really got rolling on June 14th, 2007 with the Quad Frisbee Golf Celebrity Pro Am. Gyuss was nonplussed to find that he had received Stephen Hawking as his partner. As awkward as this might have been on its' own it was made more so by the fact that Gyuss had very publicly vetoed Stephen's application for membership within the Quad. Most of us avoided talking to Gyuss in front of Stephen. We would instead walk behind him.

Q was pleased as punch to find that he had been assigned Ernest Borgnine. For the entirety of the tournament if anyone wandered to close to this pairing they would over hear Q boisterously saying to Ern, "So Airwolf was awesome, right? Is it parked around here?? (Looking around hopefully) We should take it to the mall later, I bet that'd get lots of chicks!" It was kind of sad, for Ernest Borgnine.

Cyber D had been partnered with The Rock. This was pretty uncomfortable for all of us. Well except for Cyber D who greeted him enthusiastically with, "Hi Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson! The Quad welcomes you. Well, not into the Quad, but you get to hang with us for the day. I am Cyber D, one of the founding members of the Quad. It's pretty awesome you know, being in the Quad. You should maybe start your own group. You could call it 'The Almost Good Enough to Make Its'. Ha ha ha". The rest of us moved away from this quickly.

I came to the event excited because I knew that I was slated to play with Michael Bivins of New Edition and Bell Biv Devoe fame. I was eager to tell him how his music had changed my life and that the lyrics to "Poison" were what I lived my life by. You can imagine my disappointment when I arrived to find some hack in glasses standing there instead. Below is a small segment of the conversation that followed.

Dags: So, where's Biv? Is he running late or something?

The Hack: No, he couldn't make it. I'm his replacement.

Dags: Who are you?

The Hack: Maybe this will help. (Puts right hand to ear) Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now?

Dags: I heard you the first time. Who the F are you?

The Hack: I'm the Verizon guy. I'll give you an autograph after the tournament ok?

Dags: Oh. You see, I just thought this was supposed to be a celebrity event.

The Hack: I am a celebrity. People around the world know me and love me. In Mexico they call me El Lobo de Verizon! In Japan, school girls line up around the block to get a chance to see me.

Dags: Yeah. Ok. Whatever.

The Hack: I'm the second biggest spokesman in the world. There's the Marlboro Man and then there's me, and my product hasn't even been definitively linked to cancer.

Dags: I'd say Tiger Woods is a bigger spokesman than you.

The Hack: Tiger Woods??!???? He's not a spokesman!! When have you ever heard him talk about Nike??? He's just in the commercials. I don't even thinks he knows he's there making a commercial. I wouldn't trade places with him for anything.

The rest of the tournament was the Verizon guy trying to justify his presence there. It was the longest day of my life, even though we were dominating the scoreboard. Luckily the tournament ended early when Cyber D was injured with 3 holes left to play. None of us know exactly what happened as The Rock did not stick around long enough to give anyone an explanation and Cyber D didn't want to talk about it.

Casting a Wide Net

Hello Blog World,

I know that you've missed me and I can tell you that you've been missed in return. It was a nice weekend and I will tell you all about it at a later time. The final visitors to the House of Dagromm escaped into the night while I was sleeping so it was a heavy heart that met me that final morning.

I admit that I am way behind on blog reading and writing due to a number of factors. Work is super busy right now, the computer at the house now doesn't seem to recognize what keyboards are anymore (I think it has Althzeimers), and family activities are ramping up for this weekend. In my absence I've noticed that everyone has gotten very loquacious with their posts. I can appreciate you all have lots to say, but I don't know that I'll ever get it all read. Currently I just skim the writing and let my eyes stop whenever they see the word "boobs".

So I expect it will be another week before I can blog on a more regular basis, but I appreciate you all still bothering to check in once in a while.

On to other things, I'm currently working on a screenplay for a movie idea that I had the other night. I'm excited because it's a western and I've never written one before, but I've seen a hole in the market and I'm going to try and cash in. With the rise of Bollywood cinema and the ever greater Middle Eastern and Asian presence in the U.S., I've seen a need for a movie that can incorporate these great cultures with the established movie presence. In fact, like all great movies it will be a trilogy that will follow the travails of a Hindi man in the old west. It'll incorporate all of the standards of westerns with the beauty of Hindu culture. The first movie, "My Hat, My Ghandi" will kick things off and really set the tone for the future installments. The second movie, "Passive Resistance at the OK Corral" will bring things into their darkest moments, before the action culminates in the third movie, "Turban Cowboy". If you like western movies like, "Unforgiven", "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugl", and "The Apple Dumpling Gang" then you'll love the movies I'm working on.

Agenda for Quad Weekend

Thursday
noon - Check in
1:00 pm - Welcome Luncheon @ Bone Daddy's or Silver City Caberet
2:30 pm - Film Session - Kickin' it Old School
4:00 pm - Quad Annual Frisbee Golf Celebrity Pro Am
6:30 pm - Happy Hour/Mixer
8:00 pm - Dinner - Chuck E. Cheese

Friday
9:00 am - Breakfast - Dry cereal w/optional milk
10:00 am - Shuttle departs for water park
10:30 am - Hurricane Harbor Water Park
7:00 pm - Shuttle departs for House of Dagromm
8:00 pm - Dinner - Macaroni and Cheese w/optional chili

Saturday
9:00 am - Breakfast - donuts
10:00 am - Monopoly tournament
12:30 pm - Lunch Cookout - Hamburgers w/optional vegetables
2:00 pm - Slip and Slide Competition
3:00 pm - Pinata!!!!
4:00 pm - Video lecture - The History of Pornography w/guest speaker
6:00 pm - Water balloons
8:00 pm - Dinner - Hot Pockets (1 per attendee)

Sunday
9:00 am - Breakfast - complimentary glass of water
9:05 am - Check out

It's going to be a great weekend! I can't wait!

ScoreBoard!!!!

I've been working out hard the last week or two and finally stepped on the scale yesterday to find that I had lost 4 pounds!!! Woo hoo, I am going to rocket to the front of the pack in the Blogger ten pound challenge!! I don't know if anybody else is taking this very seriously, but I've been putting in a good 45 minutes to an hour and a half everyday out at the soccer field. My daughter comes out with me most days and runs drills to. It's cool that she enjoys it and has wanted to continue working on her game.

Yesterday was the first truly hot day here in Texas and the first where I got worn out more due to the heat than my own currently poor lung capacity. Still dehydration helps on the scale, and I'm willing to win by any means necessary. The girl weighed herself too, and said that she had lost weight. I don't think she knows what she's talking about since she thought she weighed in at 504 lbs. I had to explain that was 50.4 pounds. I also told her that she doesn't need to lose weight and that she will gain weight as she grows and that is normal and healthy. I think she was somewhat relieved, but she contends that she's a little chubby. I told her that she wasn't, and that I didn't even want her worrying about stuff like that.

For the rest of you that are competing for second place in the ten pound challenge, good luck!

Dance Dance Revolution

This weekend was dominated by going to and preparing for the kids' dance recital. For the girl this is old hat. She has done three previous to this one and where as she gets excited for it every year, she doesn't get noticeably nervous. For my son, this was a first and nerves were high. This also marked the first time that I had to go to a dressing room and help prepare.

The recital is split into two acts, each 2 1/2 hours long. We had the pleasure this year of having kids' performances in both acts. For the mathematically challenged that means that we endured five hours of dance. Plus the intermission. This might seem like a long time, but compared to the dress rehearsal which moves at a much slower rate, it's not so bad. The dress rehearsal went a good 8/9 hours. Normally I would duck out for hours at a time, but thanks to my sons participation that wasn't going to happen this year.

The recital went reasonably well. My ass hurts from all the sitting, but other than that all makor disasters were diverted. The girl looked good in tap and ballet, but looked lost in the jazz routine. She admitted that she got confused. Oh well.

The boy looked good in his tap routine, much better than in dress rehearsal. Except for his refusal to look at the audience he looked pretty decent for a first year dancer. The jazz dance looked better in the dress rehearsal, but he didn't have any huge gaffs. His Penguin costume was a big hit. He handled himself well through out. He asked for a little extra encouragement from me backstage befoer he went on, and I gave him the old, "Nut up and be a man" speech.

The biggest stressor for us for the day was that we (I) managed to forget to bring the boys dance shoes. I told you I wasn't used to having to be responsible for this stuff. We didn't notice that they were missing until about 30 minutes before he was to go on. So we did some frantic searching and were able to borrow some tap shoes and jazz shoes from other dancers.

I hope this post wasn't as long for you to read as it was for me to live through. The result yesterday was that the kids were both totally hyped afterwards yesterday and had enough adrenaline pumping through them to stun a wild boar. I think the boy is going to sign up for dance again as he said that had lots of fun.

Golden Handcuffs

Tomorrow is another biggie at the HoD. Me and Mrs. Dagromm will celebrate(?) 11 years of marriage. A little background for those who do not know. I met Mrs. Dags in high school our first day of class, Freshman year, 7th period. I spotted her when I came in the class and was looking for a place to sit. She was sitting at a table wearing a white button up top, green plaid skirt, and white canvas sneaks. One of her friends (Lanesha) was sitting at the table with her. A little dude was sitting on the far end of the table. One seat was open. I was there in a motion that was so quick that I think it startled the others in the room. I let those at the table know that they were in the presence of Dagromm and that great things were about to happen. The stage was set.

My sights were set square on the future Mrs. Dagromm. I just needed to introduce myself and close the deal. On the way home I told my best friend that I had acquired a target and that it was only a matter of time. Three months is what it took to get the phone number. Mrs. Dagromm is not a fast learner. Another seven for the first date. Another four for the first kiss. Another 79 months and we were married. Mission accomplished. She was mine. My friend later told me that I, "had kind of over shot the target". "Yeah, well..." I smartly replied.

So after many good times, bad times, and lots in between we reach this anniversary. I still hold true to the vows I made that fateful day in Vegas.

I vow to love you forever.

I vow to keep it real.

I vow to keep this bangin' body tight.

I vow to bet the Quinella when I'm not sure on the Exacta.

I vow to box Superfectas that are less than $1.

I vow to split my pairs.

I vow to always double down.

I vow to always bet on black.

I vow to spend no more than $10 on slots.

I vow to fold on mixed suits that aren't pairs or aren't at least face cards.

I vow to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run.

For ever and ever till death do us part.

Amen.

Trying to Catch My Breath

I began the new job on Friday and have not had anytime during the workday to write. I apologize to all my female admirers out there. I also apologize to my male admirers who look to me for guidance and inspiration. The new gig is good and I am enjoying it quite a bit so far.

The person who I was replacing only had a couple of days to train me and my brain has been mush at the end of the day. It's unfortunately been during a very busy time so it wasn't a hold your hand kind of training. It was more of a watch me while I zip through 10,000 programs and spreadsheets to get and input information. Got it? Good then you should be fine in two weeks when it's your turn.

Today was my first day alone, and I'm trudged through as best I could. I expect to be past the worst of it by the end of the week and think it should be much lighter next week. I think that I should have all of the processes down well enough in another four or five weeks where I won't cringe everytime my phone rings with a question.

I've tried to find time to jump though everybody's blogs and keep up, but unfortunately I can't get to every one of them (Cyber D, Gyuss).

I'm not dead and I'm not miserable just a little swamped at the moment. I'm actually excited for the opportunity to prove myself at a place that seems pretty decent.

Here's a pic of the lady I'm replacing. She will be missed.