Camping Just Got a Lot More Complicated

My son is finally leaving today on his school camping trip. It's a soon to be ending tradition in our school district that all of the fifth graders go for a week to this camp out of state. My son has been looking forward to this trip for a year now as he's never been to camp before. He had his eye on canoeing and archery and whatever other kind of crazy outdoor thing you can do. All of this semester we've been slowly getting the supplies he was going to need (sleeping bag, etc.) It seemed like every week we were receiving a reminder about forms that needed to be filled out or supplies that the kids needed to have. Needless to say we were all excited as this weekend approached.

So I'm also sure you can imagine what a kick in the crotch it was to take my son into the ER this weekend with an injured arm. He had hurt it on Thursday and by Friday evening his hand had swelled to a frightening degree. It looked like he was wearing a big inflated Mickey Mouse glove on one hand. The ER put a splint on his arm and referred us to a Orthopedic specialist. My son was devastated by the thought that he might not be able to go on his camping trip. He was relieved to find out that his dad's philosophy is that since camp was paid for he was going no matter what. So apparently he left on the bus this morning. When I took him he didn't want my help carrying his bags over to the waiting area. I guess he doesn't want anyone questioning his ability to go on the trip.

Get Your Motor Running

I was driving down the highway the other day (In fact I was rushing back to the office from an interview) when I was passed by a grizzled octogenarian dressed entirely in black leather on his custom Harley. He had a cigarette held tightly between his lips, black sunglasses, and a few days growth of facial hair. His biker jacket proclaimed the "gang" he belonged to. Clearly this was a man who had kicked some ass in his day and probably still kicked ass on a semi-regular basis.

He was moving at a good clip down the road and I sped up a little to keep up with him. I was sure to stay back a bit so he wouldn't spot me. I didn't want to anger him and come home to find his gang in my front yard destroying what few valuables I own and holding my family hostage. I was curious about what sort of mission would have him out in the afternoon daylight moving with such urgency. Possibly he was hunting down some sort of bounty that was trying to skip town. Or maybe he was transporting information on some heist his crew was about to pull off. Or what seemed most likely, he was probably trying to catch up with some police convoy to free one of the members of his gang in some uber-violent manner.

Suddenly the elderly biker swerved hard to the right and slammed his brakes. It was on! I slowed in eager anticipation of the ass whooping that I was about to get to witness. The biker was clearly agitated. Not wanting to come to a complete stop in the highway I craned my neck around while still driving to see what had garnered this solitary warrior's violent reaction. The cigarette had apparently fallen out of his mouth and gotten stuck in the crotch of his jeans. He was now slapping at it furiously trying to get it out and end the burning.

All I could think as I drove on was how well practiced he looked at slapping at his crotch while driving his bike. What a bad ass.

My New Best Friend

I have been busy with interviews and such lately. It comes in waves sometimes. So it has meant that I've had to disappear from the office for hours at a time a lot more than usual. In return I have a lot less blog time as I make myself more visible when I am at the office to cover for the fact that I've been disappearing a lot.

Anyway, yesterday I was called to an office of a prospective employer to take a test. I can't remember the last time I had to test for an employer so I didn't really know what to expect. Was it going to be an intelligence test (e.g. the Wonderlic) or a job knowledge test (on HR laws)? No, it was a test on prioritizing and use of Microsoft Office Apps. I was given a list of tasks to perform. Memos to send out. Spreadsheets to generate. And PowerPoint presentations to create. Ok, I use Microsoft Office daily. So no problem right? Well.......not exactly. Sure I work with Excel, but I have never had cause to use formulas before. I've delivered PowerPoint presentations, but I never actually had to make one before.

As I sat in the room looking at the computer like it had turned against me, I pondered what to do. I thought about standing up and walking out, but Dagromm's aren't quitters. Whiners yes, but quitters no. I thought about just letting them know that I would have my assistant or intern do all of this work for me and asking them when they wanted me to start. I also thought about using the work of the person that had used the computer before me, but I thought that might sniffed out pretty easily and it appeared that whoever it was that had the computer before me was less computer literate than I. I say this because I found his note of apology saved in the documents section. It said that he had tried and that if they hired him he would learn how to do these things. It was really kind of sad. I think he was one step away from suicide.

I finally decided to give it a shot and see what I could come up with. Luckily Clippy, my new bestest friend, came to my aid. Hell, Clippy practically created everything for me. Whenever I didn't know what to do next I just turned to Clippy and he took care of it. Clippy made my PowerPoint pretty and colorful. It wasn't the best I'd ever seen, but it looked about as good as most PowerPoints I've had to sit through. Clippy then helped me create a memo and other generic office offal. Thanks Clippy. You were there for me when no one else was.

Clippy says hi!

Heart Break

We've started off the soccer season the same place we started last season. Losing. It was a major disappointment as I think the girls that we added have a lot of potential and I had hoped the girls from last season would respond more favorably than they did. The girls looked too lost and made way too many mistakes in our first game. The second game they looked considerably better, at least for the first half of the game. This is the kind of thing that gets me feeling down the whole weekend.

After the game I huddled the girls together. I screamed that they had just ruined my weekend and that this was the worst birthday I had ever had. Then I grabbed my bags and ran away with tears in my eyes. In the world of coaching this is called motivation. I think they're going to come to this next game really inspired.

What's going on?

Every once in a while I catch my kids trying to get away with something that they know they shouldn't. For example, I caught my son trying to unplug my alarm clock this morning in the hopes that we would over sleep and let him skip school for the day. Little did he know that by the time the alarm goes off every morning I'm just laying there in mock sleep. The cat and the dog know what time I should get up and are quick to annoy me every morning until I pet them or feed them. So when my son came creeping in like a keystone cops bank robber he didn't realize I was in my mock sleep state. After he crept back to his room I walked in flipped on the lights and told him that as long as he was already awake he needed to clean up his room immediately, fix his and his sisters' lunches, and that he had just excused himself from video games for the next month.

Thinking about it now, I still get aggravated by the whole situation. The worst part is that I'm not sure whether it's because he tried to get away with something, or because it's something that could have affected me, or because of the very clumsy way in which he attempted it. Invariably when I catch him trying to get away with some mischief, after reading him the riot act I want to sit down and tell him a better way to have pulled the caper. I want to point out the flaws in his strategy and execution. I think it's better if I don't, but it's tough to watch your kids make mistakes.

Numbers Game

I purported to Plug on her blog the other day that I think that all men love lists. I don't know why. Maybe it's just some innate need to have order in our lives. Maybe it's a need to know what value things have in life. I'm not sure. I do know that I have many, many, many lists. Not all of them are written down. Most are "in general" rankings that I keep in my head. I know that in talking about good movie stars and such, I used to throw out to Q and CyberD that a certain woman was good looking, but not in my top five, or ten, or fifty, or even hundred. Finally, Q and CyberD each did me one better and actually put pen to paper and made their top 100 lists of famous women. CyberD went the farthest by creating a dossier of each woman including where her family lives and predictions where she might be found should he ever be in the area.

I have lists for an innumerable amount of subjects. For instance, I can tell you that my top actor in the last twenty years is John Cusack, followed by Ralph Macchio and William H. Macy. I can tell you that my top 10 rappers turned actors are 1) Ice Cube 2)Mark Wahlberg 3)Will Smith 4) Ice T 5) The Fat Boys 6) Queen Latifah 7)DMX 8) Tupac 9)Eve 10) Snoop. I can also tell you that in unarmed combat I am the second deadliest person I know. I don't want to tell you where you all rank as I'm afraid it might hurt some feelings.

Glocks in Box

I had to reschedule my sons weekly guitar lesson due to a conflict with the upcoming start of soccer. That meant getting up early on Saturday, when I might otherwise have slept in and taking him to class. As I sat outside the strip mall waiting for him I was caught by the sight of a young 4 or 5 year old girl walking down the sidewalk with her mom. No, I wasn't just staring at the mom (although not bad...), but instead the fact that the girl was carrying what appeared to be a Glock. I was a little startled about why a child would be carrying around a Glock and in a public area. The mom didn't seem to be too concerned, but I certainly was when they turned and walked right in to where my sons' guitar lessons were being held. OK, I was bewildered. My curiosity grew as I saw another 4/5 year old child arrive with his mom and he was also carrying a Glock. And then another and another and another. Each of them walking around with a Glock in his hands.



I couldn't take it anymore. I know I live in Texas, but to see young kids walking around with these things was too much to take. I had to know what was going on. So I weant inside after them to get some answers. It turns out the same place that teaches my son the ways of the guitar also has a class for young kids on the weekend in which they are all required to purchase their own Glock. I still don't know what kind of nefarious plan I've stumbled onto. The children were all in a room with their parents when I entered the building. Sitting just to the side of each of them were their Glocks in specially manufactured cases. Are the children being raised to be some sort of spies or soldiers or muhjadeen? I don't know. But it frightens me.

Picture of kid with glock

Take it to the Bridge

This weekend the family went to watch Bridge to Teribithia. This was at the bequest of my youngest who was convinced by all of the ad time on Disney Channel that she wanted to see it. The rest of us like fantasy movies and things that are marketed to 7 year olds so we agreed. If you don't want any spoilers then stop reading now. I myself have never read the book that the movie was based on. I remember hearing of it, but had some recollection that the book was girly. I don't know why I had that in my head, but I did. Well we weren't prepared for what was coming. The movie got heavy pretty quick. From the depressing life that Jess lived, to some relatively deep talk about God and Christianity, to the unexpected death of the main girl and Jess' only friend in the movie. In the end, we walked out feeling like we needed some sort of grief counseling. My little girl said that she didn't ever want to go to the movies again, because "it was too sad". She just didn't understand why the girl had to die or why they'd put that in the movie. My son was sad as well, but mainly because I think he had been expecting to see Ghost Rider.

I had to spend the rest of the night trying to cheer everybody up. That meant comfort food and trying to find a movie that would make us laugh. Being the good dad that I am I got us some burritos and nachos from Taco Bueno. Then I popped in one of the movies that I remember having several funny moments in it from when I was a kid. So we sat to eat and watch Stand By Me. Although the movie does have a lot of funny parts, I forgot that the whole trip the boys were going on was to see the body of a dead boy that had gotten hit by a train (Oops. Not helping). I also forgot that the character of Chris Chambers (the best friend) is reported at the end of the movie to get stabbed in the throat and killed (definately not helping). My little girl who was having a pretty devastating weekend at this point let me know that although she was sad that she knew it wasn't real and that she knew the actor was still alive. I decided to keep quiet about the fact that River Phoenix wasn't making any more movies.

Dad Food Remix

The kids have figured me out. They realize that everything I fix them is going to include some form of Macaroni and Cheese, Hot Dogs, or Chili. They've begun requesting fancy stuff like McDonald's and....well pretty much anything else. They've become food snobs. Why just this morning my daughter opted out of asking me for any breakfast (left-overs from last night) and made herself a bowl of Fruit Loops and poured in some chocolate milk. It looked repulsive. If they're expecting me to conform to exotic things like that then they are out of luck. It did give me a little hope for her ability to one day get on Iron Chef.

Dad Food

My wife has been out of town now since Tuesday, which means that I've been soley responsible for feeding my children. So Tuesday was Chili Mac, Wednesday was Chili Dogs, today will probably be Macaroni and Cheese without chili, and tomorrow...I don't know yet probably Hotdog Mac. This is pretty much the gambit of what you get when I'm the one cooking. I have also taken up grilling in the last year and could probably do more than this, but normally I reserve the effort for somebody that might actually appreciate it. The kids, so far, are thrilled with the instant meal menu that I've been providing. Additionally there have been other benefits as well. For one, dinner has been at a lot earlier times the last few nights, which in turn means that baths/showers are taken earlier, which means that we all go to bed earlier. See, I told you that I was dedicated to getting to bed on time.

As a side bar, me and Q saw the Weinermobile a couple of weeks ago when he was visiting for the Super Bowl. I wish it was stopped, because I surely would have visited. Unfortunately, it was traveling on what I can only imagine was a top secret mission against evil.

I Haven't Got Time For The Pain

I had a flashback to adolescence this morning. I previously noted how I've been going with the clean shaven look as of late after some time wearing facial hair. Apparently all of that time taking it easy has eroded my shaving skills. I had erroneously come under the impression that shaving technology made it virtually impossible to cut yourself anymore. Not so much. This morning when taking a completely incorrect angle with my razor I managed to put a good size gash right over my top lip. It hurt like hell and it had been so many years since this had happened that I panicked and forgot what to do. I scrambled around the bathroom dabbing at the blood and throwing various products on my face in a failed attempt to make the pain stop. A quick note for anyone that hasn't done this, aftershave doesn't help. It just makes you cry. Eventually,I found the Neosporin after trying the cortisone, the lip balm, and the Aquafresh.

I am now sporting a very conspicuous band aid just above one side of my top lip. I'm pretty sure that everyone thinks I have a cold sore. I'm going to try and hide in my office the rest of the week.

A Dose of Reality

I had to run a few errands early this morning. So after the daily ritual of waking everyone up and getting them ready so that when I returned we could leave straight away I headed out the door. My daughter (now 7) took my place on the sofa in front of Robin Meade and whoever the hell else is on CNN Headline News.

When I returned some minutes later my daughter was still on the sofa and I was surprised to see that the channel hadn't changed. My daughter upon seeing me quickly announced that Britney Spears had shaved her head and that Anna Nicole, who is from Texas, still needed to be buried. Thanks a lot CNN. I then had to spend the rest of the morning explaining to my daughter that all of this craziness had something to do with drugs, not studying enough for school, and not going to bed on time.

The good news is that I'm dedicated to going to bed on time tonight.

"What do voluntary mean?"

That's my favorite quote from a football player, ever. In this case it was the response of former Dallas Cowboy starting running back Troy Hambrick who was being questioned by reporters about missing the "voluntary" off season work outs.

I think my son felt the same way last week when I took him to get his braces put on. The night before hand he asked me why he needed to do it and if it couldn't in fact be avoided. To his credit he did about all he could to not need them. He didn't suck his thumb. He didn't take a pacifier. As it turns out it didn't matter he needed them any way. There's a life lesson in there somewhere, but as a parent I'm not allowed to see it. I told him that later on he'll be really glad that he did it and that if it weren't important his mom and I wouldn't be investing the money into it that we are.

My boy persisted and asked what the medical ramifications would be if he didn't get the braces. So I had to admit to my son that this was purely cosmetic and that he faced no life threatening consequences. At this point he said that he was fine with his teeth the way that they were and was already happy with how he was. "Alright son", I said "Here's the deal. We're shallow, but other people are too. So this is being done in the effort that you will one day be able to get a date or win over the person at the job interview with your nice smile." So now I feel like I did the right thing by getting the braces and also feel guilty that I'm contributing to making my son self conscious.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

No, this one isn't about me or my life. This is more a similarity I see between the Series of Unfortunate Events books and the current confusion over the daughter of Anna Nicole Smith. In both situations there seems to be somewhat curious circumstances surrounding the deaths of the parent(s). Also the child(ren) are being fought over because of possibly dubious reasons. It occurs to me that whomever gets custody of the child will be granted a substantial windfall. I can't help but wonder if these things aren't interrelated, and what worst of all the child(ren) are the ones that are left to suffer.

I can't as a good Christian man stand to watch a child be torn apart by self serving, greedy people. It makes me sick. This isn't to say that Anna Nicole would have been a great mother, in fact that probably isn't the case at all. But at least she was the mother. No this child deserves better than that. So I am officially putting my name in the hat for custody of the child. I will even offer that it's possible that I am her father. When the blindfold is on who really knows, right? So please stop all of this fighting and send my baby to her rightful home. The House of Dagromm is open to her. I will love her and care for her with as much attention as I can. My two resident children would love another sibling. Yes, I think it would be best. Also when you make the check out to me, please remember there are two m's in Dagromm.

Facial Hair Confusion

As a few of you who have actually seen me in the last month or two know I have been letting my facial hair grow out. In fact I have recently been sporting what Q refers to as the "Grizzly Adams". It started out of pure laziness and figuring that I could sleep a couple minutes longer in the morning, which in turn meant that I could stay up a few minutes later in the evenings. Which in turn meant that I did not actually get any more sleep and was just as tired every morning. Funny how that works. It wasn't meant to be a long term thing, but after a couple of weeks when no one at work mentioned it i decided to let it go. It became kind of an experiment to see at what point someone in my department would say something. Now I did some minor maintenance here and there, but for the most part I let nature take it's course and let it achieve some normal bushiness. After a month people in other departments were starting to say things to me, but my own group stayed quiet. It really got annoying as I found myself constantly stroking it (the beard you pervs). It was like having a pet on my face. I was always giving it attention.


Finally, last week in the Beatdown Meetings someone finally said something. It was one of my coworkers that had relocated to Chicago and hadn't seen me since before the experiment began. My experiment completed I went home that night and shaved my face clean and my head as well. At this point in my follicle life it's not that big a deal to shave your head, but since I had been letting that grow for a couple of months it looked pretty drastic. The next day at the meeting I came in looking completely different. Some of the people there that didn't know me that well didn't recognize me at first. I was amused to see everybody's reactions when for several weeks they hadn't even acknowledged the beard was there.



My former boss used to accuse me of having "facial hair confusion" as I've done this kind of thing before. For me it's about not being scared of change and in fact embracing it. That and because it cracks me up.

Let's get Valentiney

Hi Blog World!! I thought I would jump on Valentine's Day before it attacked me tomorrow. This is what we in America call a pre-emptive strike. Rather than do the annual pissing and moaning about Valentine's Day, like most men, I've decided instead to jump in with both feet. First of all I have already bought my wife a present. This is a vast improvement over previous years when I've waited until the actual holiday. In many cases I have actually waited a few days until all of the candy was on clearance. Not this year though!! I'm prepared! I bought the candy last year when it was clearanced and so this year it will be there when she wakes up in the morning. Luckily there have been few advances in Valentine technology and as long as the expiration dates are smudged out (they already are!!) I should already be supplied for the next ten years.

So I encourage all of you men out there to stop whining about the holiday and how you don't get anything out of it. Instead, look at all of the things that your wife or girlfriend goes along with for your sake and be appreciative. Realize that when she was a little girl she did not dream of one day wearing a Valkyrie costume to bed to satisfy your viking fetish. She did however hope to get some attention and some sort of present from her special guy. That being said guys let's jump into V.D. together and feel the love!

Girls Soccer Day 1

Well, we had our first practice of the season Saturday. It was fun seeing the girls again and meeting the two new ones. They weren't the ones that I was trying to recruit, but they appear to be somewhat athletic and aggressive, which is great. Unfortunately I didn't have the whole team there as the weekend fell on an unfriendly custody weekend, but I felt like it was really productive. Our season starts in two weeks, and because we don't have the time in the evenings yet, I've told the parents that we will be doubling up next weekend. So next weekend will be eaten up with practice. Saturday and Sunday. I've already talked to them about playing physically, we worked a little on skills, and some on conditioning, but the newbies still need to learn about rules and positioning. This can be tough to do on the unmarked field that we practice on, but I've got a few ideas.

I'm still waiting to receive our schedule, and some of our returning girls are eager to see it too. There are a few grudges they are wanting to work out, so hope for the best. I'm looking forward to a good season this year and hopefully a few more wins than last season.

LOA

In HR circles that stands for Leave of Absence (We love acronyms in HR), so I wanted to give a quick explanation for my recent blog LOA. I have been unfortunately pulled away from the computer this last week due to a long week of departmental meetings. The point of these meetings seemed to be to tell us that we don't dress well enough, keep our offices too messy, are inefficient at our jobs, and that our SVP got a big bonus because of us. We also were treated to mandatory dinners and reprimanded for not being grateful enough. It was awesome!!!!

I also got to spend a lot of time with our new corporate trainer. It occurs to me that corporate trainers are all neurotic and notorious self promoters. It could just be the three or four that I've met, but it certainly seems like more than just a coincidence. There was lots of over laughing at our SVP's jokes, lots of being astonished at the work he's done (eg. "That's great", "That's terrific", "Wow"), lots of over note taking even when we had handouts that said everything, and of course lots of directing everything back to herself. This current one seems to be the worst that I have seen. So much so that she almost seems like a caricature. She is the type that in a conference call will always ask a question so that she can say her name to everyone listening. That's called "getting your name out there". On day three, her last day with us, I realized while on a conference call with the CEO that she really only has one question. "What type of training do you think will be most needed in the next year?" It might have some slight variation, but that's basically it. Now I can't wait till the next time I'm on a similar type of call with her again, because as soon as it opens up for questions I'm going to totally steal her question just to watch her scramble.

Who Am I

I came to America from another land and helped my lover reclaim her life, even though people felt I was too immature. Time and again I watched my childhood friends as they stumbled towards marriage and I was there for them. My life became like a terrible game and I faced death for the chance to strike it rich. My love for music has put me in the company of a queen. But I have never forgotten how I had to play for gangsters and murderers. Eventually I pretended to be a gangster myself, but that's not who I really was. Eventually the people that I thought were my friends came to scourn me, but they all got AIDS and died. Now everyday seems the same and I don't know how to make it all turn out right.

This one might be way too easy. Let's see what you've got. Put answers in the comments section and I will give clues every 24 hours until someone gets it.

JULY 21st IS THE DATE

I'm just excited. That's all I had to say. Thank you Robin Meade for imparting this knowledge on me. The seventh book is coming out 5 days after the fifth movie. I will most likely be on a Potter junkie binge that entire week.

Many Projects

In my quest to keep it real and stay hard core, I've decided that I need to obtain my own pimp cup. You know like the chalice that Snoop Dog carries all the time. Or the one that Lil' Jon has when he's out. Hell even 50 cent has a pimp cup to drink his vitamin water out of. So I decided that the time had come for me to join my brothers in pimpdom and obtain one of my own. I was so excited as I left the house and headed for the mall. I could only imagine how everybody at work was going to be jealous the next day. Them drinking from styrofoam cups, me from goblet of krunkness. Well I practically ran into Things Remembered and searched for a kick ass, possibly iced out, drinking vessel. What I found though were coffee mugs that said "#1 Boss" and "#1 Dad" and "#1 Employee". Some of them had brass name plates, but none of them looked very gangsta. I asked the employee whether they had any good pimp cups for my Krunk Juice and he just stared at me as if I was speaking another language. Just another example of the man trying to keep me down.

No problem though, I'm going to Hobby Lobby after work to get supplies to make my own pimp cup. It's gonna be off the chain!

Just Getting Around To This

I found this article on Yahoo some weeks back and had meaning to post about it since then.

LONDON, Jan 8 (Reuters Life!) - For sale: the world's smallest country with its own flag, stamps, currency and passports.
Apply to Prince Michael of Sealand if you want to run your own nation, even if it is just a wartime fort perched on two concrete towers in the North Sea.
Built in World War Two as an anti-aircraft base to repel German bombers, the derelict platform was taken over 40 years ago by retired army major Paddy Roy Bates who went to live there with his family.
He declared the platform, perched seven miles off the east coast of England and just outside Britain's territorial waters, to be the principality of Sealand.
The self-styled Prince Roy adopted a flag, chose a national anthem and minted silver and gold coins.
The family saw off an attempt by Britain's Royal Navy to evict them and also an attempt in 1978 by a group of German and Dutch businessmen to seize Sealand by force.
Roy, 85, now lives in Spain and his son Michael told BBC Radio on Monday his family had been approached by estate agents with clients "who wanted a bit more than a bit of real estate, they wanted autonomy."
He suggested Sealand, which has eight rooms in each tower, could be a base for online gambling or offshore banking.
Asked to describe the delights of living on what he described as a cross between a house and a ship, the 54-year-old said: "The neighbors are very quiet. There is a good sea view."

I don't really have anything to add to this article other than Prince Roy was a bad ass. I could see myself doing this same thing. I would of course name the nation Dagrommia and our national anthem would be Feelin' On Yo Booty by R. Kelly. Everyone would be wealthy and every citizen would have a swimsuit calendar. The proceeds of which would go to fund the government. The highest seller would be my second in command. I think it would be recognized as the greatest nation on Earth.

My Reason For Getting Up in the Morning

Every morning one of the first things I do as I stumble bleary eyed out of bed is to wander down the hallway to my living room and turn the TV on to CNN Headline News. The reason? My crush on Robin Meade. There have been many mornings that I've thought about sleeping longer or calling in, but I know that if I did then I would miss this princess of current events. Instead, I eagerly find the remote and punch in to learn about Korean nuclear testing and Kentucky train wrecks. Hezbollah rockets have never been sexier.

I am: Robert A. Heinlein Beginning with technological action stories and progressing to epics with religious overtones, this take-no-prisoners writer racked up some huge sales numbers.

Which science fiction writer are you?

New Game

I had the idea to try this out the other day, so I'll give it a shot. I will give you the description of someone famous (at least somewhat) with chronological clues and you guess who it is. This is open to anyone that would like to give this a try. I might even have a prize for the winner.

Who Am I?

I have been many things in my lifetime. At one point I felt as small as a bug. At others I was known to jump around like a monkey. In 1971 I was obsessed with my father's team while it struggled with race relations. Still I got older and black and white took on new meanings as I found passion in racing. I've even had a stint as a competitive skater. Now my life seems to have a new chapter every week. Some want me dead, but nobody's been able to kill me.

So that's it. Make your guesses in the comments section. I'll let everyone know when someone gets it right. I don't know if this is too hard or too easy, but I certainly hope that somebody out there cares to take a guess.

Recommended Reading

The local Walden Books was closing down and had everything that was left at a 40% discount. I looked around (not for anything in particular) and found this book. I was actually already aware of this book and the film that was adapted from it, but had not ever read it or seen the movie. I'm not sure exactly where I knew of this from as the book and movie were both manufactured and distributed in Japan, but regardless for 40% off I felt like I needed to give it a try. Well 10% of the way into a 600+ page book I'm really glad that I did. It has been a long while since I've had a book that I was excited to get back to everyday and eagerly wanted to read. It's a fictional story about an Asian Governmental Program that takes 50 random high school classes each year and puts them in a remote place and forces them to kill each other until only one person is left. That last person is the "winner" and gets a lifetime pension and a card autographed by the dictator. This book is violent and not for kids, but it's loads of fun. So be sure to check out Battle Royale by Koushun Takami.

This is pretty much the same image my coworkers see as I walk out the door everyday.

I think Tupac and I share a lot of similarities actually. With the exception of the dew rag, tattoos, expensive jewelry, and bullet wounds we could almost be twins. I'm pretty sure that Pac was a Democrat. He loved his mama like a good boy. He kept it real and was a member of the Digital Underground. In fact I think if you held my resume and his up side by side they would probably look like carbon copies of each other. I'm pretty sure that I remember reading somewhere that if he hadn't gotten into gangsta rapping and the Thug line of work that he probably would have gotten into HR. That's about the same thing that happened to me. It just turned out my liberal arts degree is more valuable in the field of Human Resources than in the realm of Hip Hop. These are the things they don't warn you to ask at college preview weekends.

OOOOOooooooowwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!

My daughter is sitting 12 feet away from me playing her drumset to the tune of Queen's Greatest Hits. She's been doing this now for 30 minutes. I think I'm developing an aneurism develop now. I swear my eyeballs are bleeding and every muscle in my neck and shoulders is in knots. After every song she turns to me and asks how that sounded. "It sounds really good, honey. You're getting better" Now, I know why people lose their hearing as they get older. It's a defense mechanism.

Another Change

Do you guys like this template any better? Q was complaining about the last one.

Slightly Disturbing

I only said slightly to make Gyuss feel better, but when I did a yahoo search trying to find his blog some curious information came up. Check it out:


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1 - 4 of about 5 for cave devil hermit Gyuss - 0.92 sec. (About this page)
WEB RESULTS
2006 Weblog Awards - Blog Of The Day Awards - Top Blog Awards: July 2006 - Best Blog - Top Blogs - Best Blog Awards...
... Blog of the Day Award goes to Gyuss Baaltar for his wierd guy on the ... thusly: Cave of Gyuss Baaltar: hermit, luddite, man's man, handsome devil, gnome ...blogofthedayawards.blogspot.com/2006_07_01_archive.html - 96k - Cached - More from this site
drilldo globalspec pump sex fucking machine machines forums board forum
drilldo sex machine forums machines board globalspec fucking forum ... Cave of Gyuss Baaltar: hermit, luddite, man's man, handsome devil. ...a95blog.org/drilldo - 26k - Cached - More from this site
Cave of Gyuss Baaltar: hermit, luddite, man's man, handsome devil, gnome without a cause.: Pick 'Em Part 1
Since I apparently cannot pick football games, I'm going with a new strategy ... Gyuss Baaltar. Too handsome to be a pirate, too talkative to be a ninja. ...gyussbaaltar.blogspot.com/2006/09/pick-em-part-1.html - More from this site
July_29
YouTube. Accountants. Acne Treatments. Adware Remover. Adware Spyware ... Air Humidifiers. Alarm System. Alarm Systems. Alaskan Cruises. Alpharetta Real Estate ...www.home-botanical-data.info/July_29 - More from this site
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It's interesting that his site was number three after the Weblog Awards and Drilldo. You might want to be a little more discrete Gyuss?

I Took the Kids on the Way Back Machine

Every once in a while I get the urge to watch an old movie that I remember from my younger days and expose the kids to some retro culture. This weekend I rented Adventures in Babysitting. To make it even more retro I got it on VHS so that we could enjoy the poor picture quality that the original artists had intended. Anyway, the kids liked it a bunch and I was surprised how much the movie held up. I was afraid that the kids would be turned off early on because it would look dated, but they got caught up in it and couldn't be torn away. I guess some things just transcend time. Like Elizabeth Shue. She really rocked that 80's hair. Maybe more than any other person, and that's a feat. We miss you Elizabeth Shue!!! Come back from the future!!!!

A Shout Out To My Younger Readers Out There

As a parent of a young daughter I find that I become more and more concerned with what images are being portrayed to girls as to what an ideal girl is. I know this isn't groundbreaking stuff, but I guess as a male it was easy to turn a blind eye to until now. I worry that she feels that being blonde is prettier than having dark hair, that having straight hair is prettier than curly, and that having white skin is prettier than having brown skin. These are all things that she has intimated that the would prefer to have. As a father it worries me to no end. I think she is a beautiful girl and I worry that she won't value herself as much as she should. I look at things like Barbies and the celebutantes that are all the rage now and worry about how much they negatively impact her self image. Mattell has done a lot to include multicultural friends and give them their own character and style, but in the end Barbie is still the lead. If you asked my daughter which was her favorite of her dolls she will answer Barbie, even though there are others that look more like her. Those are her second favorite.

On top of that I worry about the glorification of the party girl right now. The celebutantes once again are partly to blame for this, as well as the music industry with songs and videos imploring girls to act like strippers, and various other commercials, shows, and movies. I know that the easy answer for people to say is to monitor what she watches, change the channel, etc., but that's not always an effective solution. Lots of times what was once safe isn't anymore. Mary Kate and Ashley, Lindsay Lohan, and others were once all seen as very safe child stars. They were marketed to kids until every kid knew who they were. They then succumbed to the lifestyle and pressure of big media until they become the last people you want your child to emulate. The message I'm afraid all of this is sending to young girls is, "you need to look pretty, shake your ass, and be ready to take your clothes off at the drop of a hat because that's all you're good for".

I guess I could go on and on about this, but I won't. In closing I just want to say to all of the House of Dagromm's younger readers out there is that you don't have to look like this to be a beautiful and wonderful person.

...but if you do, don't be afraid to shoot me a line.

The True and Factudinal History of the Bloggy Four

There have been some recent blog posts giving renditions of how myself, Gyuss, Cyber D, and Q became the pre-eminent force of nature that we've become. This is my attempt to clear any misinformation that may be floating around out there and give the world it's definitive answer.

It all began on a warm autumn day some fifteen years ago. I was an athletic, ambitious, smart freshman student in a small private college in north Texas. I would appear to have it all to most people, and I did, but I knew that my having it all wasn't enough. I knew that I needed to give back to the community. It was at this point that I decided to take an ignorant and unworldly west Texas freshman named Gyuss Baltaar under my wing. My interaction with Gyuss at that point had mainly been through my roommate at the time who was working with him as part of some religious mission. Gyuss was having trouble relating to the non-west Texas world around him. He wasn't well liked and in fact was struggling in many areas. Finally, Gyuss couldn't take it anymore and felt that he might need to end it all. I remember looking into that tear stained face of his and saying, "Don't you worry little bird. I'm going to help you. We're going to pull your head out of the sand and by God I swear one day you'll fly!" I saw the potential in young Gyuss. I knew that he could blossom if he was just given the right direction and had someone to believe in him. Thanks to community showers in the dorms I also knew that he was hung like no other man or beast. I mean, take your breath away, it gave me nightmares.
It seemed that much of Gyuss' stress revolved around his roommate CyberD. Now I had met CyberD a few times and we really hadn't spoken a lot, but I knew for my plan to work and for Gyuss to live I had to have him on my side. So I took it upon myself to seek out CyberD and ensnare him in a project that seemingly had no relation what so ever with Gyuss. I knew from my conversations with Gyuss that CyberD was a fan of a game that I happened to be an expert at. So CyberD and I made an appointment to meet in the school library one evening and discuss our mutual interest. By the end of the meeting, CyberD was so impressed with my skill and knowledge that he begged me to enter into a project with him and teach him. My plan was working. I told CyberD that I would allow him to work with me and be my apprentice, but that we would have to assemble a team and that Gyuss should be included. He reluctantly agreed and we embarked in a two year endeavor that would forever altar the lives of our team. During this time I came to learn a lot about CyberD and although we often were frustrated with each other, we always realized that in the end he needed me, almost as much as Gyuss. On top of that CyberD was a maestro with the ladies and Lord knows I love the ladies.

Years passed, we all graduated though CyberD tried to get us kicked out on an Environmental Economics project we worked on together. CyberD moved off to the other side of the world and Gyuss and I stayed behind to look after our little town. Gyuss became a regular at my house and in his time of need when he had to go to the hospital, I was there for him (CyberD was no where to be seen). Eventually my musky scent was too much for CyberD to live without and he moved back to our college town. At the same time Gyuss was about ready to spread his wings and finally leave the nest. It was with a heavy heart that I told Gyuss that "he was all growns up" and let him go.

Over the next couple of years I met a young whelp named Q. At first we met I was impressed with how savvy he was for such a young age and I told him that he would probably get a lot out of hanging out with my crew. He tried to set some things up a few times, but I don't allow anyone in too easily and I told Q to "go home and come back tomorrow". Eventually the Q had no recourse but to stalk me at my work and I realized that he was ready to be imparted with the lessons life had taught me. Q was an eager student and returned daily to learn more. He referred to me as "the professor" and I tried not to refer to him. I finally convinced CyberD that this apprentice of mine was ready to join our ranks as an equal (to CyberD). CyberD agreed and we began to work as a new team. Q came to depend on us and in his time of need when he had to go to the hospital, I was there for him (CyberD was no where to be seen).

Then in the last year CyberD told me that he had begun a blog and that I should check it out. I did and was so impressed that he could function without me that I quickly established my own blog and Q did the same. CyberD passed word on to Gyuss some time later and we were reconnected in the eyes of God and the general blog community.

After that it was merely a matter of time before we ruled with our army of nano-ninjas.

Trying to Keep it Sportsy

In an attempt to keep everyone up to date with the ever changing world of college athletics I have done an in depth research project on the recruiting classes of big time college football programs. You (the blogging world) might be stunned to find out that Florida International has apparently had some struggling recruiting and currently boasts the 113th best recruiting class. This could be fall-out from the trick play that they ran in their game with Miami this year (pictured). This places them two spots behind the University of North Texas which has no doubt been bolstered by the signing of Todd Dodge as their head coach. This just goes to show that the sports landscape can change on a dime in college athletics. For those who are interested the University of Texas is currently ranked number one. This has become somewhat of a tradition for the Longhorns. They will be rated number one untill signing day at which point they will have people pull their commitments and go to play elsewhere.

I Want To Apologize to My Loyal Readership

I'm trying to get back on the blog horse as I know that I've let a number of you down by not posting in several days. I will not make excuses, but I will explain what has been going on in that time that has kept me away. Unbeknownst to most I have been on a blog sabbatical to work tirelessly towards self improvement. Over the course of the last several days I have commenced an intense workout regimen to improve my physique and overall health. This includes a strict diet of boiled salmon, kale, and Megaman vitamins from GNC. I normally mix them together in a blender and drink them like a smoothy five times a day in place of traditional meals. Sometimes I just lay them on a plate seperately though if I feel the need to dine with family. My workout includes crunches while hanging upside down from my shower curtain rod and doing lunge thrusts around the neighborhood that I live in. This hasn't been just about getting in shape though. I have also used the last few days to improve my mind. To this end I have read the entire World Book encyclopedia collection that was at my local library. I now have a comprehensive fourth grade level knowledge of all things through 1997. In addition to this I worked to improve my soul. In my quest for enlightenment, I have spent every night for the last ten days meditating upon the universe in the winter air from the roof over my house. I blocked out all sensory distractions to dwell upon the meaning of being. The first eight days were fruitless, but on the ninth I ascended to a higher plane of existence. I also watched Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. I give it an A-. I thought unrated meant there would be nudity.
So I apologize loyal readers. I have not forsaken you in my quest for improvement. I have not been sitting idly by while my blog has gone unattended. No, this time was important to help me become the person that I knew I could truly be.

Gyuss Baltaar and His Top Military Officials Surrender
Today the House of Dagromm has accepted the official surrender of Gyuss Baltaar. Here is pictured the last of Gyuss' cabinet about to surrender their weapons. With all of the House of Dagromm centered on one enemy a quick resolution is anticipated.

The Q's Trail is Not That Hard to Follow

Field scouts are getting closer to finding the current hiding spot of the Q/Gyuss tandem of evil. Ever since their respective headquarters were overrun last week they have been on the lamb, moving from one safe house to another. Normally this might make it difficult to find an adversary, but in this case our team of experts have identified evidence that makes their trail quite distinctive. We are not going to disclose what this evidence is as we don't want to tip our hand to the enemy, but the attached photo is some sort of clue for the curious.

All Aboard Dagromm's Freedom Bus!!

Always on the lookout for new ways to inspire the troops in their riteous quest to exterminate evil (The Corner of the Q & The Cave of Gyuss) from the world the forces of good have unveiled their newest weapon, the Freedom Bus. The Freedom Bus was masterfully designed and crafted by the sharpest mechanical minds of West Virginia. It has the ability to accerate from 0-60 in 4.2 seconds, can demolish a 93 Crown Victoria, and has a leather interior. Already a tour with Big Foot is planned with stops in Charlotte, N.C.; Darlington, S.C.; Martinsville, VA; and Mobile AL. All who want to promote a better way of life and fend off the moral decay are welcome to take a ride on the Freedom Bus!

Assassination Attempt Foiled!!!

This afternoon an assassination attempt was foiled when the forces of QGy sent a not so subtle Tara Reid bomb into the House of Dagromm trying to end the world's bid for freedom. The ruse was quickly uncovered (as is the real Tara Reid) and was subdued with copious amounts of cocaine and alcohol.

Photo of the poorly thought out Tara Reid bomb

Irresponsible Leaders Upset Their Armed Forces

The military of Gyuss and the Q have let it be know thatr they are upset with the way their leadership is approaching the war. Allegations range from misuse of military resources to an apathetic approach for the people that are putting their lives on the line everyday for some misbegotten cause. A few examples of the problems that are surfacing are:

Using miltary jets for local advertising to scrounge up more gambling money for the evil dictators:

The use of armored support to harvest the Q's personal heroin crop:

Probably most damaging of all was a photo that Gyuss had taken of his recent trip to California:

The Q's Secret Army!!

Our worldwide network of allies has infiltrated the dark innerworkings of the Q/Gyuss sanctum santorum to find that they have unbeknownst the rest of the world been developing a sleeper army around the world. This secret army is composed of the Q's most fervent supporters in his quest for world destruction and inhabits the rural pasteur of many nations. That's right the Q/Gyuss team has called upon their natural allies the mindless sheep of the world to reign death and terror upon all freedom loving people. God help us all.

Open Letter to the Q and Gyuss

Q's Soldiers Woefully Outmatched

Say "We Kind of Rushed Into This"

Recent events have shown that the Q and his lover/ally Gyuss have bitten off more than they can chew as reports come in one after the other of their troops defeats. One captured enemy commander from Q's Armored Cavalry reports that "We kind of rushed into this. I mean we didn't have any training or anything!!! We would probably be a lot more effective if we at least had the manuals to these things. Instead we bought them second hand". Asked about his outlook for the coming days he said, "We're screwed. Thanks for nothing Q!"

Photos from the front lines seem to confirm what this one enemy officer said and confirm earlier reports that the axis of evil was having trouble recruiting competent soldiers.

Allied Forces Bring Down Another Disturbing Q Monument

The Q/Gyuss insurgent movement is losing ground at an imoressive rate. Around the globe their compounds and hidden cells of radical loyalists are being defeated. And with each victory by our good service men and women we find more monuments that Q has erected to suit his own vile compulsions. We have worked tirelessly and will continue to do so to end the madness and terror that is our enemy.

Q "Claims" Victory!!!

In another disturbing turn of events the fascist Q's Corner group has recently claimed victory for moving forward with their threat to kill Santa Clause. Because the children of the world united in the single cause to stop the Q and not join his minions, the Q made it his sole objective to eliminate the holiday hero. Although there has been no verification of this claim as of yet, this photo was released to the media just hours ago. The world clamors for this unholy alliance to be brought to justice, or at least brutally murdered.

Q Promotes New Child Slavery Super Store

The evilness of Q knows no bounds as he has recently begun heavily promoting his chain of child slavery mega stores also known as Q-Marts. Although the stores have come under heavy criticism, Q defends the retail outlets. In answer to protesters Q was heard to say that, "Sure 4th quarter earnings were a little disappointing, but we have big things coming in 2007. We saw positive growth with our online services and our Asian outlets are booming". This truly dispicable response has strengthened our resolve to finish this advocate of malevolence.

Enemy Leaders Caught on Tape

Our ever active network of covert operatives recently recorded the following conversation between the Q and Gyuss Baltaar with their highest ranking generals as they were sent reeling by the previous week's military activity. As can be seen they were not prepared for the onslaught that was brought upon them. What follows is a transcript from that conversation.


Q-Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast.


Gyuss- It jumped up a notch.


Q- It did, didn't it?


General Brick-Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.


Q-I saw that.Brick killed a guy.


Gyuss- Did you throw a trident?


General Brick- Yeah.There were horses and a man on fire and I killed a guy with a trident.


Q-I've been meaning to talk to you about that. Find yourself a safe house or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder. I'm proud of you fellas. You kept your head on a swivel.


And it better stay on a swivel deviants, because a mercilous justice machine is coming after you!

The Gloves Are Off!!!!

The House of Dagromm and the Wheel are unleashing their ultimate weapon. Both Blog powers stating that they had hoped it wouldn't come to this, but they had been left with little choice. The inevitable conclusion is coming with the release of Chuck Norris from the cryogenic chamber which he has been kept for the saftey of the world. Look in fear Q and Gyuss! Death is coming for you, and he wears a black hat!

Troops Find Cave of Gyuss

Say "It's Not That Impressive"

Acting on intelligence reports that the Cave of Gyuss the Baleful was really "just around the block" from the Corner of the Q troops found and siezed the infamous cave. After a quick look inside they were disappointed to find that it was really very little more than a hole in the graound and probably didn't even really qualify as a cave. "Maybe for like a five year old it's some mysterious cave. For an adult it's just kind of pathetic," said intrepid scout K. Garoo (pictured). When asked if they could be sure that it was in fact the correct cave they pointed to the dog eared autobiographies of Rush Limbaugh and Dan Quale that littered the floor, as well as the parachute that appeared to have been used as a sleeping bag

The Q's Corner Has Been Found!!!!

It can now be confirmed that the base of operation for the self appointed master of evil and degradation known as the Q has been located. These photos taken by our spy network shows what poor shape the Q is actually in. Actions are already underway to close down the Corner and locate the Cave of Guy Ass Ball Tar.

The House of Cyberteam Unveil Three Point Plan for Victory

In a closed door summit with world leaders and tacticians earlier today the heads of both the House of Dagromm and Cyberman outlined their strategy for certain victory. After analyzing the enemies weaknesses and strengths(?) they developed a three tiered plan that will go into effect as early as today. As can be seen from the diagram below every contingency is flawlessly covered. After the announcement heads of state and leaders of nation bowed their heads in awe of what was later called by audience members, "the perfect plan".

Casualties Soar!!!

As this unprecedented war (B-Dub 1) continues the toll it takes on the fighting forces mounts. Already the evil axis has lost 13,524 bloodthirsty killers to their unriteous cause. Combined with the losses of CyberD and our own House of Dagromm that brings the total loss of life to 13,525. While his soldiers suffer and die the Q refuses to assist and instead spends his time hobnobbing at social functions.

Photo of Cemetary of Enemy Losses in This War

Photo of Cemetary of Combined Losses of Dagromm and CyberD